How to get him to open up!

It is hard, and I am not sure there is a simple solution. The bottom line is that you can't fix him. Your support can be invaluable and immensely helpful, but ultimately it's his addiction and he has to really want to get rid of it. But.. for what it's worth, here's my opinion.

He may not be able to see the problem until there are consequences that he believes are significant (I mean life-changing dead serious consequences), and it needs to be really clear to him that these are things that his addiction has made happen. Basically he should have nobody to blame but himself. It's hard, but I wonder if you need to be thinking about some questions - Are you prepared to stay with him if he can't (or won't) deal with this? Are there aspects of your shared life that you can't do because of his addiction (beyond having sex) - for example, would you have concerns about having female friends or relatives over to stay? How is it impacting on his life? What can't he do that he wants to be able to do? Does he suffer from the "brain fog"? Does he get anxious, or depressed? I guess you need to make it clear to him that this is not something you're prepared to tolerate, and that he's got a form of mental illness which is harming him, you, and your shared life.

I think you're right that amplifying anger, shame and guilt could easily lead to his addiction escalating at least in the short term (they may well be part of the cause in the first place). But at the same time, part of the healing process will be getting this out into the light. If he's not ready do discuss it in detail with you, he can share stuff anonymously here (which may not be as good, but is certainly better than nothing).

I am very, very sorry you're in this situation. You shouldn't have to deal with this. I hope what I've said helps, but if not then please do just ignore me.

Blessings

 

That is brilliant. I'm sorry if I misjudged the situation.

 

Hello, can you explain "brain fog?"

 

Brain fog is what it feels like when your brain is constantly either over or understimulated. When you are a drug addict you're always either high or coming down, it's a bit like that. Reward centre all screwed up, really hard to focus on anything or concentrate. It's like everything is in a sort of fog. Not sure if that makes sense, but there will be plenty of other (better) explanations on here.

 

thabks

Thanks, and it's a cause or consequence ? Both ?As I understand it this keeps one in the vicious circle...

 

Pretty much. Feel down, give in, pmo, feel worse... Brain fog throughout.

 

If you are up for a fight then maybe that is what it takes?
My girlfriend confronted me, asked questions, probed and ground me down over a period of weeks until I broke and cried infront of her and everything came out into the open.
At this point she totally changed and now we are rebuilding together.