My Relapse Story (Warning)

So you edged for hours, or the way I put it - you got high for hours, being high means flood of dopamine which suppressed your executive functions and willpower, then after you "blow your load" dopamine level drops very sharply and you gain full executive function and holy **** you realize what you have been doing. Now you try to overcompensate and "really" commit while you actually have working, functional brain.
The reason I tell you this is because in few days, you will wake up in the morning and for some reason decide to masturbate to porn, or the way I put it - get high, which will suppress your executive function and willpower....

You need to understand how addictive behaviors work, they are called addictive because they are very difficult to stop. If you committed to stopping and then relapsed, you are doing something wrong, new approach is needed - you should say to yourself - i do not really understand what i am dealing with here and I need to understand what I am doing wrong.

Patterns are always the same -
Abuse (high)
Depression (low)
Wanting to stop, committing to stop
Depression (low mood)
Attempts to remedy mood and spiral back in to Abuse

Abuse (high)
Depression (low) + regret
Wanting to stop, committing to stop
Depression (low mood)
Attempts to remedy mood and spiral back in to Abuse

Abuse (high)
Depression (low) + regret
Wanting to stop, committing to stop
Depression (low mood)
Attempts to remedy mood and spiral back in to Abuse

 

quitting is hard but worth it, I'm not excusing PMO behavior but if you manage to go on a long streak and slip up it's far better to just get it over with quickly rather than edge for 3 hours it's far more damaging.

 

Yesterday i got some desgire to watck p i know my self where it is start(im now at 12 day hardmood)
Anyway when i got this feeling i keep away the phone from my bed, and try to foucos othere things like watch tv i think i pray also. , i told my self it just a horny attack and it will past next morning.
Just be aware to yourself when the desire to watch p is start. I know its hard but we must fight it its no easy, because when you finnish the orgasm you say to yourself "im done with this sh##t", but after time its will be back the test is what happen next day, or after week?
Another thing i want to add, that when you feel strong remind yourself alwayse how this behavior is bad and effect also other people try to read post in this site just be mire aware to the bad effect.

 

Understand that you are dealing with very complex behavior and stopping it needs complex multifaceted approach.
Dropping an addiction is more like writing a book, its a massive effort that will affect many aspects of your life. Its the changes in your life that allow you to overcome the addiction.
Addiction is when you can not stop, it makes no sense to try to just stop, because remember - you cant.
So your goal is not to stop but rather get yourself in to a position where you can.

Stopping an addiction is very difficult, so why do people expect that they can just stop it like they could stop eating bananas?
Its a massive effort, a journey, to figure out how to get yourself to a position when you can stop.

 

Please understand that your ability to stop the behavior relies on your health, if you recover your health you will be able exercise allot more control.

Addictive behaviors are not unnecessary additions to your life, something you want to get rid of. No they are part of your life and play a role in keeping you at your current health.
Even if you could stop, you will likely just end up depressed anyways, and your carving for a high is just an attempt to remedy that.
Start by fixing your health then dealing with addiction will become possible

 

Standard American diet results in poor health, vast majority of people are in poor health, you should read a book called "The Plant Paradox" winch explain is detail mechanisms of how exactly that happens. It is one book of many on the topic so feel free to explore other literature as well.

 

Don't give yourself such promises tıll you really find a strong strategy. I mean, you can fall back hundreds of times on this tries and relapsing is such a thing that gives you a new perspective through this way. just keep trying til you hıt the spot..