The end of porn addiction in my life for now

Hi guys.
I can't sleep so thought I'd blog out some thoughts.
My relationship officially ended tonight. Think he's 4 months clean.
It been a rollercoaster since DDAY for us both.
6 years ago a relationship ended with a man I later found was an S.A. and a pretty extreme one at that. It was the most traumatic thing to ever happen in my life.
I considered taking my own life it was so traumatizing... no longer being able to make safe judgements about the world and who I could trust. On a human needs level it's also traumatizing to have a trusted bond literally ripped out.

It took me 4 yrs to recover from that.
In Jan I discovered my new partner was a porn addict. Learning my lessons from 6 years ago enabled me to discover it fairly quick....the shock still blew my word apart (again)

It was the happiest relationship of my life so far we had adventures and I treasured him and what we had so very much. I loved his kids too...i shall miss them very much. Human bonds are so precious and important to our wellbeing. If you need evidence that this blows family lives apart it's right there. Children suffer greatly. We all suffer greatly from the porn industry.

It's taken 4 months of careful consideration to decide whether to move forward to tackle this together.

He made amazing progress really - and I am proud that he decided to face himself.
I too have learnt so much more and grown to be better person too.

I'm glad I was brave enough to try another relationship - even thou the end tonight is sad and painful.

It ended because the trauma has killed the bond we had. I don't think either of us have the right feelings anymore.

But it also ended due to lies deceit a lack of transparency and a lot of fear on both sides. Tonight I got rejected for the last time - life is too short for pain when there is a choice to love.

To all you guys here fighting this don't give up. The prize of being loved and loving another human being is the best story of life.
I've never meet a dieing man whose last words were "God I've seen some great porn and had some great O's alone in a bathroom".
Anyway those who are fighting - you inspire me and give me hope - feel proud of yourselves.

To the SO's - put yourselves first. Love yourselves. Educate yourselves - know that trauma is normal and youre gonna recover too.
On balance I couldn't take on a potential DDAY 2 - I choose a new direction in my life instead - there is gonna be great change for me too - but I'm positive about taking it on. Through tough challenges we grow stronger.

I love me and I'm worth more than to be treated badly - So are you.

Lastly I'm thankful. To my boyfriend who has taught me a lot. I'm thankful to the great people I have who support me in life's toughest hours.

And lastly to you guys, thanks for sharing your stories and supporting me. Hopefully I'll be back in a while to share what I've learnt so far to help others too.

LOVE and STRENGTH.

 

Hey @Susannah.
sorry been away for a while. I'm doing ok
We are still together. Had 3 days apart - didn't update here cause didn't know what would happen - still don't I suppose.
But 7 months after DDAY we are still porn free I think.
He's finished counselling- and basically now needs time to forgive himself and get peace with his past.
Blockers remain on phone, and he seems to be sticking to agreed rules.

Our relationship is really good, He's teaching me to fish, we've been kayaking. I'm teaching him photography. He's teaching himself to bake ( and washes up after) and I'm doing gardening and DIY- bit of gender reversal - but think it makes us both happy being able to be fully be ourselves.

Do think he learnt a lot of stupid things from male society/porn culture - hopefully a loving relationship will help him grow up a bit more. Equally I have an old head on younger shoulders, so we probably have to meet a bit in the middle on that.
He still has issues with avoiding conflict - i hope that will grow with time too.

Our sex life is great - the most loving and connected I've ever experienced. He says he feels tingles and sensations he's never felt in his life too and he's still pretty amazed the effect giving up PMO has had. Absolutely no erectile dysfunction at all now.

He is still ashamed and feels guilty- we talk about porn occasionally - he finds this difficult, but it's important we both find peace and build trust back, so I don't want it to be the elephant in the room going forward.

Lastly, for me I now have a much better understanding of the situation. I'm still pretty sad and mad sometimes about the state of society - and the fact it's getting worse not better. I see it literally everywhere - but I'm pleased I have knowledge others don't have.
I don't know what will happen in the future. Guess I just finally gave him a chance. I hope he won't waste the opportunity.

I doubt we will survive a dday 2 - i wont ever accept it.
But I hope this will be a success story. Time will tell - I just try not to worry. And have some faith in the power of love.

But even that isn't easy after trust has been taken away.

big love to all of you - SO's and fighters.