Dating advice pls

Hi!

So I managed to create many date oportunities with females from Tinder.

Ive been to lets say 15 dates since this new year.

Many times, I did not feel much attraction to them, but sometimes I did, and I was never able to seal the deal. Im 36yo.

Now... last two girls told me the same thing, and I guess this is the reason behind my low success rate /its not only sex/

One I was interrested in slightly, other I was not interrested but it doesnt matter.

One told me she want to feel the man really wants her.
2nd wrote to me that "im used to to guys being more vigorous than you and you did not communicate the msg well enough".

I asked"you mean I should be more direct in letting you know I like you, and more vigorous to initialize some physical contact?

She said: Vigorous - maybe more like audacious more like effusive. And yes, pretty much that.


NOW

On my dates, I take it like this... I want to have good time, we walk places, we talk... I feel COMPLETELY at ease, and confident, Im not scared, nothing like that. I hold conversations effortlessly, and there no cringe to that. It flows from start to end, always. And my dates flow as well. I know in that, Im really good.

BUT

I think I leave this impression on girls, like this two said to me.

I think its BECAUSE

To me, it never worked to show much interrest in the girls, than they lost interrest in me.

So I just show MYSELF, how I am etc, and see if they want next date, and they most likely DO NOT.

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!

Also she wrote: Im just confused when I have a man who does not show some over confidence.
Cause if you were that kind of a guy I would have been straightforward with you and be pretty bossy or whatever but since you are not, it confuses me a little.

I wrote: Im pretty confident about myself, but I dont want a sex on a 1st date, thats why I did not force it upon you, but thanks for letting me know.

She: I dont accept sex on a 1st date, you misunderstood or I was not clear enough...


Bla bla, but u get the idea, I hope.


Anyway, She wanted to see me and talk about it in person, very swiftly, and I refused because NOW I dont want to and want to think about it more. So I said we can meet during the week because reasons. Whatever. She will meet me, so I can dig more info from her


But do you guys and girls have any opinion on this?

Im pretty upset honestly. And I just want to call this dating BS over, but I will not. Just theres so much I would like to say about it, but I will not make this thread too loong and too many topics.


Lets do it, thanks!

 

I think I need to show them I like them, but not in a way I come across as needy.

I can appreciate their looks or behavior. This does not mean anything but that they look or behave nicely. For sure it doesnt mean, that the fact they do look good, means I will be automatically head over heels to get them.

You see.. I have my self worth. I refuse to crave anyone. Ok u are nice. So I will tell it to you. Because u want to hear it. And I want u to do what I want at the end of the day. Whatever.

This is so stupid.

Also, how can they even demand such things.

 

Thanks for all replies.

I still think about this.

I think I will be more open and express myself more directly. And yes, I was not into these 2 too much so that played the role ofc.

If I like the woman, I will let her know.

On the other hand, why everyone expects some huge compliments and expressions of feelings and desires on a 1st date is beyond me.

Ocf they feel less "confused" if a guy is head over heels to them. Because than they are in complete controll of him.

Sometimes I feel disgusted by this differences the sexes have in life.

Imagine ME saying.. hmm... i think you did not express your desire towards me enough. Hmm, im confused.. i did not receive any praises on my looks. LOL!!!!

Girls....

 

Thanks guys. Im quite cofident and pust the date in directions I like, places, topics...

I think I just overreacted to two girls saying simmilar stuff.

Also the fact that last 10 dates never led anywhere..

I learned one thing. On my next date I dropped some compliments on the looks, because I liked her. That was new to me. And guess what?! Yeah, she turned me down anyway lol! But it had some reasons, complicated woman stuff.. and stuff.. and stuff and reasons.. whatever. She said she likes me but thinks I will run from her, which might be truth and I wont bother u with details.

To this girl I quoted, I wrote the other day Im not interrested in another meeting. She said ok, I deleted her number.

2 days back she wrote she really wants to see me. Lol!

And she invited me to her home, saying we will behave. I turned it down. Had some familly issues RL..

Told her we can meet during the week at evening.

So I guess I was not THAT bad if she basically crawled back week after. And Im glad she did. She is interesting.

Who knows.

Be well

 

Today I had a date with 9 out of 10 for a 1st time in my life.

I say 9/10 just because 10/10 doesnt exist and I dont want to sound like exagerating.

But yes, she was one of those top girls. And I never in my life spend a time with someone like this.

I did not feel that good on this day, was after a party and also full moon did not help as I slept bad.

So I felt my speach was not 100% but I dont think she noticed. I was not intimidated by her, that was good. But had some anxiety from not being 100% few times.. so I hope I did not fcked it up lol.

But I dont think so, otherwise the date would be much shorter. It was a pleasant 2 and half hours of some generic chat which was quite refreshing. We had a ice cream and nice walks. Than we departed, I gave her kiss on both cheeks and I was gone, jumped into my tram and said maybe next time.

Than we texted a bit, I kept it short and possitive, just like the date.

So.. if the outcome is just this one meeting, even that would be good. If we have next date, Ill be happy.

Just the experience of this was something completely new. And thats good. U see even the top girls are humans like everyone else. I mean it. The facade is different and they know they are beautiful.. whatever.

But wow, I really want to see her next time. Its almost scary to me.. will deffo give myself time to get back to my baseline senses. But I will try to initialize another date this week. Fingers crossed. I dont even know what to do with such a girl lol. I guess take it step by step and see what is happening.

But as I said.. even the experience of being one to one with someone like this is something every man should have. Because it will make you very much more relaxed if u meet other girls. Its just a thing which makes you better. And Im glad for it.

Ps: when we bought the ice cream there was this fcken dude, he was staring her like crazy, agresively nostop, I was standing next to her, and I looked directly in his eyes with the same agression, was expecting the fight or some stuff like that, but than he vanished... was quite crazy, that was also new.. and not that good

 

I was at a dinner with one of my girl friends. She is very nice and quite crazy. She is also emplyed in the sex industry. Which I dont - obviously - like. But we had nice 2 hours. She is quite agressive with her talking, so its hard to get thru and dont be stoned to death with her constant flow of thoughts and words. But I did get thru so it at least felt like a two sided conversation most of the time.

She said she knows herself and Ive said that I dont know myself which is a truth. I have no idea how other ppl see me.

What she replyed to me was quite interresting. I did not expect that. She told me im a very handsome man. And that there is something radiating from me (I immediately thought about nofap superpowers )

Laters she texted me that the time with me flew by fast, that Im golden and I was sexy today and looking good.

I dont know why she said it, part of me thinks she just wanted to make me feel good or more confident, part of me wants to believe she ment it. We met more times and such compliments I received just today.

Whatever reason behind it was, it helped me. I think I still have this idea and feeling about myself, that I dont look good.

Sometimes I feel good about myself, sometimes I feel like complete trash. And Im always unsatisfied with myself. Sometimes I look into mirror and think "you are lucky someone talks to you" .. this sounds insane, but its truth :/

So getting some compliments like this hit the spot for me. Because basically nobody did that for me, but my now-ex. And I had hard time believing her either.

Truth is, I have more woman in my life now, than I had in my whole life before the NoFap.

Just... none of them became my girlfriend in last half year since Ive split with my ex. And my ex was my 1st real relationship. Im 36 now... so... yea...

Tomorrow I have a dinner with a girl I met because I knew her boyfriend. Unfortunatelly he died. And I somehow meet her. Without any side agenda. I know she is still grieving. And at the evening I go on a date with a black skinned girl for a 1st time in my life. She talks only english. Thats not my native language. But I alteady had many dates in english...

Honestly, tinder gave me many many oportunities to socialize and meet many woman and thats exactly what a man who was basically non-existant in a dating world for quarter of a century needs.

Meet many ppl, get used to meeting new woman and have a relaxed time with them. Its a skill u need to learn. And its fun.

So Im a advocate of this app.

As always, it can be a good servant but a bad master. I made it serve the purpose I want and need.

Ps: I wrote the 9/10 girl I will want to meet her this week and she did not reply today. I still think she is just playing but will go out eventually. Tomorrow I will not write to her, but the next day I will. I want her to know Im interrested and that the fact she ignores me doesnt mean I will evaporate from her life all of sudden. Theres got to be some pursuit. Just the line where you start to look like a idiot is very thin. I think its ok I asked her out. Nothing wrong with that. I want to see her, so I told her so.

 

Thanks mate, found him on utube and downloaded the PDF!
At least something interresting to read and watch. And yes, same issue, can get to dates, but it usually doesnt lead anywhere. So this is spot on!

And for example the last girl Ive met, I dont want to mess it up and end up the same as always

Plus she texted me back today, after one day silence after I asked her to go out with me.
She still plays it, that she doesnt have time this week, but its in a cool way, no stop signs.
And I know she is quite busy... so I told her we can meet just at the evening to go out with her dog or have a small dinner or something...
Lets see. Fingers crossed.

 

So basically I did it all wrong, I texted her next day (monday) to set up a date towards the end of the week.
I did it because Im busy. And she is as well. So to have a chance of meeting, its good to try to arrange it in advance. But thats technical approach...

Damn..

Well, Its a learning process.. I hope not playing too much games with this girl will not ruin the chances to me.
Would be unfortunate!

Maybe I should have waited. But that would absolutelly result in meeting her after like 10 days after 1st date.
Thats a zero drive to me.

Who knows what is right in this case.

I will deffo read the PDF and watch some videos.

I appreciate you taking the time to post it here.

Be well!

PS: I will take it more like game from now on, in a sense its really learning on how to do it, so some failures are to be expected and should not be taken with a sadness or negative emotions.