After 22 months without P and M

Some of the advantages I have observed after these 4 months:

1) The biggest change is with fear. Some of the fears I had for years have disapeared
2) Also social anxiety is much less intensive, I talk more often to other people (new people that I meet)
3) More confidence
4) Better relationship with my wife, less conflicts and better managing anger
5) Much better relationship with my 3 year old daughter
6) Facing with more courage difficult taks instead of putting them off, hiding or escaping
7) Have learnt more about how to deal with difficult emotions (frustrations, anger, fear, rejection) - in the past, I ended up with masturbation/porn or endging when feeling like that. Still a lot has to be learnt in my case
8) Spending more time with God (prayer, Bible, reading Christian books)

The biggest trigger is still stress/being under pressure.
Youtube is a big threat for me too, that's why I have used it recently for listening (Christian) music only.

I am thankful for having this opportunity to discover life without P and M.

People here and his website helps me a lot.

Thanks and have a good day

 

Thanks brothers

I think the fight between the old self and a new self will go on. There is/will be tempation to escape to masturbation from time to time, especially when being under stress in my case. But the temptation is weaker than 2-3 months ago.

Now the question is what I do with this urge? I've been learning to process the difficult emotions (fear, anger, rejection, etc) without escaping to P and M, as both of them are like a "false pain killers". Every time I thought in the past they gave me a relief, I felt much worse afterwards (shame, worthless, bitter, uncertain, distant from my wife, islolation, loneliness, constant anxiety and many more negative consequences).

Apart from advantagers and knowing disadvantages, what helped me is to know that the world of porn is a world of lies, what I watched on the screen has nothing to do with the truth. Suffering, diseases, violence, lots of suicides, full of drugs, self-destruction, with average of life of the actress: 36 years (Shelley Lubben, former porn star speaks about it).

So with God's help I choose to live without P and M, one day at a time, then one week at the time, one month at the time. Enjoying life, family, better relationship and much more peace within. Peace I have been looking for half of my life.

Have a great week, free from self destructive patters/habbits, discovering more freedom!

 

Good question GaryMayor.

I'd say that dealing much better with emotions (especially fear and anger) was/is a natural consequence of abstaining longer (after around 2 months in my case). You can see it in this too:
https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/1000-positive-things-about-quiting-porn.69642/

What's more, writing an emotional journal or anger/fear journal. In such a journal I write at the end of the day:
- a date
- a few sentences related to that day and what happened
- how I felt when somethng happened

You can see samples of such journal on the internet.

For example:
I felt angry when my wife corrected me so many times
I felt anxious when my new neighbour started to talk to me

Expressing emotions also on paper are helpful when it comes to processing them.

Above all, prayer, reading a Bible and WAITING a while, not speaking in emotions, as they are often bad advisors. When feeling very angry, waiting even 2-3 minutes before speaking. Making coffee/tea, distracting/re-directing energy, in order not to hurt in emotions other person and yourself too.
So learning to be silent a while.

In the Bible it says in James 1:19
"My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry." Which is not easy, but easier to learn/do when you are not so much overwhelmed with fresh P and M bad consequences.

However, like I said before, I still need to learn a lot in this area, day by day, week after week, month after months.

Have a good day bros.

 

The other three benefits I haven't mentioned so far are:

- shame and guilt are nearly gone, have decreased a lot
- I have more energy



Life is good P and M free but I am also aware that humility is one of the keys to stay free.

One day at a time.

 

Today my wife shouted at me and probably for the first time in our mariage (in a few years) I did not raise my voice in such situation and argue with her.

My defense, with God's help, was to stay calm.
Speak a few words to her but firmly and gently not in anger or aggression.

I believe this is another new experience of life without porn and masturbation.

Just wanted to share it with you bros.

Have a good day another day free from addiction.