Help! I'm fantasizing about intimacy

Hello everybody,

Introduction
I am a student of 23 years, I developed a hocd , before that i was really happy in my life; know i don't know who i'am and i don't like life.

Porn problem
I used to eat a lot of porn, i started at the age of 13 when a friend show me some porn videos, at my 20yo i started to go into more and more hard porn, until the day i fell into transwoman porn and it excited me i do not know why while before it was disgusting me,
Yesterday i watch porn zoophile with a man fucking a mare and it excited me and i'am shame of this, am I excited by animals ? I'd like to know who i'am because i do not know who i'am anymore, before this i was a really normal guys who is enjoying life, now i'am anxious and don't trust myself, i even think to commit suicide because i can not do anymore why all this shit excites me.
And the biggest problem is that i can't forgot this all the day i think about this why i was excited and it puts all my life in question,
I would have dreamed ofnever having seen that and being the boy I was

 

Breathe, man. Suicide is never the answer. I believe the reason you're now watching animal porn is because the other shit failed to excite you anymore. That's what happens in this addiction; we start looking at harder and raunchier shit. And that's what it all is: SHIT. It's all fucking garbage and we need to stop looking at it. Do a complete reboot. Let your brain normalize again. The urge to watch that garbage will subside. Stay the path, my brother! Trust the process!!!

 

Thank You a lot Tonytone, I want to stop all this Shit who destroys my life i was really good and porn destroy me i wish i had never see this, i want to stop watching to reboot my brain to normal things like i was, Take care of you and thank you very much

 

Well we don't have to judge it as good or bad, it's obviously natural though for any hetero guy. It's fairly early in the journey I'd say and it's not like we have an exact science where you can get a panel of bloodwork or an fMRI scan where we can figure out where exactly you're at. And of course what you described isn't sex or anything conditioned by porn, it's related to actual physical stimuli.

 

I'm here for you, brother. We're ALL here for you. Stay with us, my friend; there's a beautiful world out there to enjoy.

 

Didn't mean to derail anything, brother, but when people start mentioning suicide, it's never a good thing. As far as your post, I find absolutely nothing wrong with fantasizing about intimacy. I'd actually argue that it's a good thing, and beneficial to a successful reboot.