Man that elusive 90 days???.. The VanGuy journal

I’m not 100% how forums work so I may bugger this up a bit, I’m really just wanting to write down any issues as they come up and learn from them.

I’ve been attempting NoFap in a sense for quite a while, probably a couple of years.. the longest streak I had was 22days.. I’m 46 so have been PMOing for over 30 years..twice daily as an average.. thought that was normal.
I can’t believe that their are educated people in society that say porn isn’t a problem..I felt amazing for most of those 22 days I had stopped...
it wasn’t about women throwing themselves at me either but more that I started seeing women as people and not objects and I REALLY like that difference.

I gave up cigarettes years ago.. (not as a hard as this) At the beginning of last year I gave up Alcohol (was getting a out of hand) and most Sugar.. (actually makes a big difference to relapses in me)..gave up my job.. got deeper into yoga and Zen and live a fairly solitary existence in a Van...I lost 20kgs and had a big change of life and am generally very happy with who I am... apart from the Porn!

Giving up Porn and Masturbation was almost an afterthought.. “I should probably add that to the list kinda deal”.. (mainly because I had really noticed the escalation into darker shit and watching things that were shocking rather than arousing..while being aware of the fact I might add!)
My god!...porn has been the hardest by far.. my latest streak went 10 days and then last night.. I plugged away...flogging a dead horse for hours because the sick shit I was watching isn’t actually arousing (if that makes any sense.. you gotta keep looking for it??) and the logical part of my brain is still shrugging it’s shoulders going..Wtf?...I don’t know either?

I noticed a recurring theme though which is: I regularly start off good can get to 7-10 days fairly regularly now and then when I feel really great and think to myself “I’ve got this shit beat”... that will be the day that I lose it!

If my diets good in regards to stimulants.. particularly sugar.. I’m less compulsive and find it easier to control...the other mental aspect that I have now realising is that a 7-10day PMO is way better feeling than a daily.. so I’ve almost trained myself to value that..and I almost even convinced myself that this might be a good compromise... NOT AT ALL!.. sick shit was prevailing last night.. I want it gone!

Anyway I’m an official Fapstronaut today and I’m going 90 days!… shit or bust and I want to document it…and also spend a bit more time reading through others experiences..and look back on this as I go and remember where I was at.

I’ve never been on a forum, so in my head this is just a journal and if people talk to me as well …that’s cool. If I’m doing it wrong someone let me know hey?

Only hesitation I have is that I don’t want to rely on this as a crutch…but I gotta do something.
I’m am getting there.. but I really want to beat it now!... Well actually NOT beat “IT”… HAHA well... You know what I mean

Cheers✌️
P.s: Verbalising it all really helps... feeling very clear about it and confident!

Oh and thanks for the site because I’ve been looking at it for quite a while on and off and it’s clear you guys are doing a bloody good thing

 

Cool thanks for the link, I’ll have a look in a tick

 

Cool post, I read through most of the conversation but it says I can’t reply for lack of privileges?? … regardless I’m in a similar space with meditation and I would say not necessarily having to go Vegan, non dairy etc.. but that all forms of self control are really benificial.
All of my last few relapses have been on a sugar high.. not eating sugar at all and then compulsively eating a box of tee vee snacks. (chocolate biscuits) One compulsion seems to help enable the other.. or at least weaken the resolve.

The only other thing I would mention in regards to your post is that in my experiences with transcendental meditation the awesome high and the associated post meditation levels of energy, (which I’m sure you understand) was actually the catalyst for at least one relapse.. (possibly because it was an unexpected experience at that stage)

The other thing is that with everything, (like nofap) it is quite intermidating to “give up” things you perceive to enjoy.. like porn, sugar and meat. It’s only post experience that you see the benifits.
Meditation is so benificial but I can see how it could be seen as flaky or boring from anyone who has not experienced the reality. Same with sugar, it makes a very noticable difference in me.
(in processing thoughts and also not feeling so up and down emotionally just way more clear... more in control)

Anyway thankyou for the link I enjoyed it

 

Yep, I think you hit the nail on the head, I did make 22 days a while back and I know how different and good I felt, so I definitely have that positive comparison to want to attain again.

I actually feel really different this time about it all.
But saying that wholeheartedly agree about underestimating it. That seems to be the main mistake I’ve made So far, the “I got this beat”.
It’s also a learning curve regards triggers and actually really unexpected triggers, you really have to learn what individually sets you back... I think that’s why I feel less confident in some ways and more in others.
You learn obvious triggers and deal with them or set up processes but unexpected triggers still may exist that you haven’t learned from yet.. for example my 22 day streak ended because of a migraine headache!.
(I hadn’t had Migraine since my teens)
I could never have realised that.. but it was something I had done as kid in the past to take my mind off it.
Add it to the list

 

Cheers man, totally agree, I have been Vego for approximately 2 years and was really surprised how easy it is.
I could easily see how food could disturb your meditation.
Do you have any good links about that subject?
Interestingly a lot of my current confidence is due to tightening up the diet, I may have been vego for a while but it can still include a lot of junk. Lately I’ve really prioritised healthier choices and feel heaps better..less fatty food and way less sugar.

Ok thanks will do

 

Nice video,
And I agree totally with your sentiments it’s like saying “don’t think of a green goat” and the first thing that pops in your head is of a course a green goat image.
When I gave smoking the only way was not to give up at all, but just to choose that I didn’t want to do that anymore. No feeling of loss or missing out.
Meat was easy for me because the choice came from a moment of compassion. I was on my way to buy dinner (chicken) and I found a duck on the road. A group of them had been squashed and one was uninjured but just sitting there. I turned around and went back picked it up and took it to a local pond.
I certainly didn’t feel like eating it.
The comparison with chicken was obvious so after that I didn’t want to eat meat anymore. It seemed to me that if I had to kill to eat meat I would choose not to, so why accept a dead animal just because it’s packaged?

 

Tha

Thanks man, Yep I know Osho, I personally believe that beating PMO long term is all about a change in values.. much like looking at the duck made me see eating meat differently... porns not love, or even sex.. it doesn’t have any benefits.. I don’t want it anymore I certainly don’t need it.
I only want things and people in my life that add value.

The more you raise you consciousness through meditation and better choices and values the less valuable it can ever be.

I’m sure we are both on the right track and I appreciate your replies and information.
Good luck to you also

 

Thanks I’ll have a look✌️