90 Day Beginning

I have reached 90 days. I have never reached 90 days before.

Before starting NoFap, I was watching porn and masturbating almost daily. I was using porn in the car, at home and at work. I risked by marriage, my career and even risked being arrested. My porn use escalated to paying for escorts.

What have I been doing since I admitted that my porn consumption is a problem?

I have been eating better and exercising daily. I have been on streaks lasting from 2-3 weeks; not able to get over the hump. When my wife has he period, I would occasionally watch porn and/or visit a prostitute.

What have I been doing different this time around?

I have found a porn blocker that I cannot get around. I have found an accountability partner whom I speak with at least once a week. I also completed the Strive program. I am currently working on the Fortify program. I have read a number of books and articles on porn addiction and recovery.

How am I feeling?

I am waking up with a brighter attitude. There is a new spark in my sex life with my wife. Although I am still having some withdrawal symptoms I have a positive attitude that being anti-porn is not anti-sex. I turn to companionship of a real person instead of acting out sexually with porn or a prostitute. I am feeling more connected with my children and my family. I am not feeling as stressed, overloaded or as angry. I am less tired from sneaking into the bathroom late at night to PMO.

What do I see in the future?

I am not falling into the trap of believing that using porn is just a one-off. So far I feel a connection with NoFap and my accountability partner to discuss my porn use freely without shame. I have more money in my bank account. I will continue to be more punctual and more attentive at work. I want to start reading more. I will continue to note my triggers and avoid them. If I am turned on, I will continue to divert my attention and let the urge pass me by.

 

Strive is a 21 day detox program that runs periodically:

https://www.cardinalstudios.org/strive

Fortify is a 12 week course and platform (also has an app) that you can join any time.

https://www.joinfortify.com/

 

I rewarded myself with a cruise vacation.

What a great time.

I had told myself that I would cancel the cruise if I PMOed before the vacation. I am not sure if I would have carried through, but I am glad that I did not have to contemplate cancelling my cruise.

 

I have not suffered from ED.

There was a period of time where my mind would replay some of my "favorite" porn scenes. Before, I would say, just one more time. This time I distracted myself through it.

Symptoms of exhaustion {playing porn late into the night}, irritability, lateness {finish up with porn when I have a previous commitment} and isolation are becoming a thing of the past.

My life is great. I have a great sex life with my wife.

Why should I keep putting my entire life at risk {family/career} at risk for something so fleeting?