Porn = Cheating?

I have come to the conclusion that it is cheating based on my own thinking and my own actions. Let's not blame wives and girlfriends for our problem. My wife did not "brainwash" me and she certainly is not an emotional abuser.

 

I meant no disrespect to your spouse, it seems like a difference of opinion but were all entitled to our own views as the core of this issue is based on the definition of cheating. I personally believe that for my age group (20s) it is normal to desire and appreciate the beauty of women. It is not healthy to obsess over them, but if a SO in their 20s was busy and not taking care of me sexually resulting in me watching watch porn is self care. Considering that as cheating seems like a bit of a stretch for me considering that I see cheating as the absolute no go zone for monogomous relationships.

Of course perspectives and acceptable norms change over time, but thats my viewpoint. Porn at the end of the day I feel destroys men slowly and warps their perception of reality, but by no means would I consider this cheating. Had I been married and in my 40s id probily lean closer to the cheating end of the spectrum, but for where I am at Id say you could only argue emotional cheating at best which is still a stretch. Desiring a sexy woman is innate, just because you desire something does not mean you will actually find the girl, flirt with, and try to sleep with her. In marrage however, id imagine PA having very serious implications on the health of the marrage which is why I personally at my age have decided to quit P forever, but I still by no means consider it cheating in anyway shape or form.

I might sound biased but I recently got out of an emotional abusive relationship where my former SO thought it was ok to try to control my thoughts, which is a HELL FUCKING NO. We can openly discuss, influence, and make compromises but the need for control when taken to an extreme is seriously unhealthy and abusive

 

I think we are mainly saying the same thing. I realize you are keeping an open mind on the topic.
I know if I was not addicted to porn I would probably not see a single thing wrong with viewing the occasional video. I sure didn't give it a second thought when I was in my 20s!
Any kind of emotional abuse is a total no go. Thankfully you moved away from that!! What a relief that must be.
Cheers to you and keep strong!

 

Agreed but yes and no at the same time. She was my first love and at her best she was a fantastic lover but its best in the past. I wish you the best in your journey and hipe for nothing but success in your marriage

 

Reverse the roles and imagine it, every time she is on her phone or in the bathroom or not "there" in a moment with you.

If it's a secret between you, it is infidelity in the definition sense of the word. I could go on, but I will stop there.

 

What's abusive about this specific issue? The significant other is just telling you to stop lusting other women, and focus on her, simply put. It almost sounds like you're trying to defend porn. There's nothing to gain from porn, and damn near everything to lose.

 

The abuse i was referring to stems from my relationship as a whole which i wont go into detail but i attempted to nuance through the difference in opinion. If the point of an arguement or disagreement is to completely dominate someone to another side and then punish them for their views and emotions as was in my relationship its abuse.

Of course i understand a woman wont want their mans attention on anyone else. But that extreme level of commitment thats expected is unhealthy since its taken to an extreme.

I personally think P as a whole decreases potential in a sexual relationship. But if the core premise of the arguement is one of less attention given to one partner thats not entirely sexual and she gives you makes you feel guilty about it, then that logic is based off of manipulation and narcissism. My view on relationships is that people need to have the freedom to make their own decisions without the manipulation or emotional blackmail period. It happens all the time but once P, manipulation, jealousy, anything of that manner is taken to an extreme then there will be serious consequences.

Since i view myself as a PA im taking this journey to quit P for the sake of my future relationships but i still do not consider it cheating by any means. If P is considered cheating youre also making the statement that every guy in a monogomous relationship is never allowed to use P through the course of their relationship ever and that is an extreme which I disagree with.

 

I agree that secrets like that in relationships are dangerous. But do you think you know every little detail of your woman? No..... They are entitled to their privacy to a degree and you are entitled to yours.

My view on this may be due to difference in who we are but I am more practical in terms of the word infidelity. My SO knew that i used porn and i didnt hide it which might be why i dont view it as infidelity. The core root of this stance may be due to guilt and the lie of hiding it in the first place. But all relationships are different and unique

 

There are so many denial tactics happening throughout this. Minimization, generalization, normalizing, blaming the woman. These are normal things that an addict's mind does so it can continue use. Knowing is half the battle.

 

Yes, it's obviously cheating. You imagine you have sex with someone else. Not just one but thousands of other persons.

Saying that watching porn is not cheating is like saying watching child porn or fantasizing about child sex is not pedophilia... cause it's just on a screen or in your mind.

It could be argued it's not as bad as physical cheating cause there's no emotion and contact... but then again... we're talking THOUSANDS of different partners when watching porn.

 

There is literally nothing that I wouldn't be willing to share with my partner. Can your partner truly love the real you without knowing who you actually are? For me the answer is no. That's why complete honesty and openness are so important to me. Otherwise my partner doesn't love the real me. Without honesty there is no relationship.

 

Yes, it's cheating. I voted yes. Because it is. It's cheating.

 

Porn is digital images of a sexual nature. To cheat on porn would be to watch digital images of an unsexual nature.

To cheat on a person must be with another person.

Are you treating you partner unfairly by watching porn, yes. are you cheating, no.

 

It's either porn, or the relationship(if you really care about the relationship). There's the choices, there is no in-between. That's just my opinion, tho.

 

You can imagine killing someone it doesn't mean you did or your a killer.

Having a sexual preference to children is a way of thinking not doing.

Cheating is an action. To be a cheater you have to cheat. You can think about having other partners or fantasize about it, but it does not make it real same with killing, However thinking or fantizing about children does make you a pedhile because its way of thinking, cheating is not a way of thinking you can't compare

 

It's fairly theoretical until it happens to you. Few guys are comfortable to think about how it would be if the table where turned on them... and luckily few have to.

A man that secretly watches porn is physical, he ejaculate to other women, doesn't he? It's not just something going on in his mind, he purposely forsake his partner, lie to her, in order to be with others. What does it matter if they are in the room or not?

Being physical, if you think of it, doesn't define cheating either. Then it would be cheating to kiss your niece on the cheek or for a doctor to perform a pelvic exam.

The sexual intent is what constitutes cheating together with doing something behind anyone's back.

Having sex with hundreds of people with your partners consent is not cheating, but having a habit of watching porn while your sex starved wife knows nothing certainly is!

 

It's just as real. Thinking is an action, too. How do you think subconscious programming is done? Repetition by thinking/doing. Anything and everything can be programmed into your being, why choose porn?

 

You cant kill by fantizing just like you cant cheat by fantizing and thats what porn is fantizing about being with another woman.

It doesn't mean you be charged with murder or adultery.

I'm agasint porn, I get your question is for all why choose porn? because we did all choose it right? that's why we are all here but no matter how much you hate it it doesn't make it cheating its wrong and unfair and will screw up relationships but it's not cheating. You need another person to be in to you to cheat otherwise its rape and porn is not a person that's why it's not rape and that's why its not cheating

 

Thanks for your reply. It has been a long and difficult road and I still don't know what causes the issue. He refuses to talk about it and will shut me out for days if I try to. I've tried everything to seduce him, but it doesn't work. Before I came here I thought all porn addicts loved sex, but I learned that the opposite is true and that more and more women are living in sexless marriages due to this.