I can't stop

I'm just a beginner in this journey but here are a handful of tips I've learned on my journey so far.

First, you have to realize that motivation will only get you that far. Motivation is a feeling that comes and goes on its own accord, you have very little control over it. It won't last forever, and after it runs out you'll have to rely on discipline, which you have to forge for yourself. In contrast to motivation, discipline won't come by itself. You'll still feel surges of motivation here and there, but you can't rely on them to get you through the tough times, because as you can see, motivation has a habit of disappearing after the real challenge begins.

I would start with identifying the triggers or situations that cause you to relapse and cutting them off. When do the urges hit? Chances are you aren't doing anything particularly productive or engaging when they come, you let your mind wander, and there they are. Change that and make sure that you have something to do at all times. It doesn't have to be something very taxing, reading a book (but with really concentrating on what you're reading about) is enough for me, as is listening to music. You'll find ways that work best for you.

Secondly, make sure to watch your thoughts. You say that when the urges hit you have the though that you want to "watch some pictures". The next time this though comes, recognize it for what it is: a stage in a process that leads to PMO. Stop that process ASAP after that realization. Do something productive. Maybe you have a chore that needs doing? Do it. Maybe you need to do some shopping? Have someone to call? Go for a run or a walk? Do anything to get your mind off the craving.

After every relapse, look back and see what went wrong, why you relapsed, and what you could've done to prevent it. Learning from your mistakes is important.

Also, avoid making those big commitments. Stating that you'll end this on the next streak just sets you up for a massive disappointment if you fail. Just work at it, and realize that every day that you stay clean, even if you relapse eventually, is a day you're improving your condition and making a step towards your eventual recovery. I say "eventual recovery" because I believe in you, and I'm sure you'll make it!

 

In the very moment we decide to say "fuck it" and relapse, we are turning all the thought process off and we work just like machines, withouth having any control over ourselves. And then after relapse we wake up, like from a dream and we can't believe that it has happened again. I hate that feeling too. But we can't hate ourselves for it, that's just how we teached our mind to work after years of repeating the same habit.
The good news is we can get out of this rut. I can't say how helpful it is to give oneself time to think everyday. It may sound banal, but we often don't let ourselves notice our real desires, because we constantly are under influnece of external stimuli. Make sure that you'll have some time everyday where you unhook from all the media and just notice your thoughts. If you really want to end this up, make sure not to allow yourself to look at any arousing pictures . It always starts there, and it's just another cunning way of your mind trying to force a relapse on you.
Another thing, i would strongly recommend reading books. I can't describe it , but reading just has something in it. It's like words you read everyday are slowly absorbed by the mind and if you are reading valuable stuff, it can really make you a better and wiser person. More aware. And that means beeing more independent and in control of own actions, which is something we all seek. Just make sure you'll be consistent with it.

 

Broth

er, you hit the nail right on the head. I was feeling a little bit down but i'm cool now. we need people like you.

 

Needed this. Just relapsed and feel very discouraged. But I won't give up