A Bat-Free Belfry - New to NoFap Introduction by Batty Belfry

Hello NoFap members,

This is Batty Belfry joining you on the rebooting and retention lifestyle.

I started watching pornography since I was 17 and have handled my sexual urges better, but not completely, now in my early twenties.

I recognize that I am attracted to women and for more than just their physique. I have friendships with women and have never had a relationship with a woman. The problem I feel and think I have is that I attract women in a way that has no sexual intentions, even though I am still sexually attracted to women.

In college, I have dated two women.

The first dating relationship lasted three months; we met on Facebook where she said I looked like someone, I told her she was mistaken, yet we started and continued our interest in literature and each other. That was until I realized she was using my resources for her own gain. I did not mention this, but she did not want to admit to her behavior towards me. She then cut ties with me.

The second never went pass the first date. Again, there was an interest in literature and the written word, but it revolved around her point of view and her criticisms of my thoughts. There were no open or friendly discussions to be had with her. She was the type of woman that was empowered by her independence but expected a man to pay for her meal; a damned-if-you-do-damned-if-you-don't situation. It was a one-sided conversation she did not need me for, except she did need me to agree with her. She also discontinued her interest.

I understand that to know the person first is necessary to starting, building, having, and maintaining a relationship. I understand there is more to life than just sex, but of course, there would be no life without it.

Humor aside, my circumstances (my conservative, religious, small town upbringing, for example) have taught, if not dictated, my approach to sexuality and relationships. If I do find a mutually loving, monogamous relationship, it will not come from a dating app or a superficial place.

To subvert these modern desires, I have taken an analog approach.

I am an English tutor for children and young adults now and have started my own business involving my editorial and freelance skills. People value the personal contact I offer them while they give value back to who I am. The experience has been rewarding and hopeful not just as an alternative choice, but as a lifestyle continuum.

Recently, I have used site blockers and mobile apps, such as Block Site and Fap Watch, to prevent relapses and to know how long I have abstained from porn, masturbation, and orgasm (PMO). These tools worked but I found myself distracted by watching my counter and adding new not-safe-for-work (NSFW) material instead of going about my business.

My longest streak was 252 days from November 2018 to August 2019, and now I am here to make the right change. Rather than monitor my moves digitally, I will trust myself and be accountable the old-fashioned way. Moreover, I will follow the research and testimonies of the NoFap community to achieve this change.

My goals for and beyond NoFap are to:

- Control emotional and physical responses.
- Balance sexual urges with nonsexual activity.
- Have meaningful, healthy, non-regressive, relationships.

Thank you for learning more about me, and I look forward to adding more value to an already invaluable community,

Batty Belfry

 

Thank you for your thoughts and encouraging words, Aden. I like your idea of positive reinforcement but also positive replacement. I have another idea for a thread in mind that may be able to help with that. It is along the lines of affirmations or mantras, but in the form of core values, the character defining attributes that remind us and help us maintain who we are.

 

Thank you kindly @Mowgli 32