[90-CHALLENGE] THE NINETY DAYS CHALLENGE !

3 days no PMO
4 days less sugar.
9 days no alcohol. 1 14 day streak.
47 days no Facebook.
Prayed my chaplet.

I am loved and acceptable. I do not need to do extraordinary things to get attention from myfamily. There is nothing I can do to get their attention. It is futile. The attention I get from women in porn is not real. I can get attention from God, Mary, my guardian angel, my favourite saints, my friends. I never felt seen in my house growing up. I was a burden. No one ever told me that, but I got the hint.

Seams I was looking for a mother in porn. I could pretend these women saw me and cared for me. That they believed in me. I did not sense that anyone believed in me growing up. I don't remember ever being patted on the shoulder. I don't ever remember being encouraged. I don't remember being helped with anything. I was on my own and just got in serious trouble when I did not do a good job. The only tenderness I experienced was in porn. Reading the book called "The Emotionally Absent Mother" by Jasmin Lee Cori. Reading through the messages one should receive from their mother gives me very similar feelings to what porn gives me. "I am glad that you are here", "I see you", *you can rest in me" just to name a few from this book. I never connected with my mother. She was too far gone. Still is. I went through a major surgery 9 years ago and I was trying to get some consolation from her. I did not even get a bit. No tenderness. No empathy. I never sensed anything at all from her. Just distance. She is so far away. She rejected me. Porn did not. It was always there for me. It was a fake friend. Perhaps I should be grateful. Maybe it kept me from killing myself. The only consolation I had. No one cared. It is time to move on now. I am connecting with real people now. I don't need porn anymore. Its time to say goodbye.

 

Day 14/90

 

50/90.

 

29/90

 

16/90
BIG urges....

 

Day 7of90
We made it too one week happy haven't had to many urges today

 

Day 5/90. Feeling a bit restless about the whole thing. Instead of channeling this energy into something positive, I'm procrastinating like hell and feeling anxious..

 

4/90!

 

and I am resetting my counter.. was high last night and couldnt stand the urge..

 

Day 64 say 8^2
One day at a time and one urge at a time.
All the best guys.
Have a good day ahead!

 

Day 0

 

Day 0

 

I like it! I also look for some arithmetic significance to my streak just to make the achievement feel special

 

Day 75/90

 

starting day 6/90.
almost one week

 

Days 5/90
feeling refresh

 

Checking in..
DAY 1/90

 

Day 0

 

90/90 - I made it!

The forum helped me a lot but now I think it is time for a break. I need to focus 100% on recovery.
I made some progress in my life but I definitely need more time on nofap. My next goal will be 180 days.

Guys, I wish you all the best. Stay strong and never give up! It took me 5 years to get to this point, if I can
do it, you can do it too! See you soon.

 

Day 23/90