Day 105: Thank you guys!

Hey everyone! I was writing a list of the things I am grateful in my life the other day and I also included you guys on the list. I never really realized how much this community meant to me until I wrote that list and I wanted to express that to you.

I was a lost soul before I found NoFap. A sexual degenerate consumed by hatred for women and shame. I didn't have anyone in my life that I could confide to about this type of problem and I was living in a spiral of self destruction. Like a lot of people here, I am single and have never been in a relationship so I deeply yearned for a feeling of connection. I wasnt even aware of how much I yearned for connection with someone else, for someone to understand what a shitty position I was in because of my addiction.

Joining this site allowed me to be part of a community that understood my pain, a place where I could talk about this stuff without fear of judgement. Everyone here had the same problems as me and were all willing to share their experiences so that others can benefit from their knowledge. Suddenly I didn't feel as alone anymore.

Its been a long and turbulent journey since I joined the NoFap community and I still haven't gotten rid of this addiction but I am NOWHERE NEAR where I was before I started. As mentioned in the title, at the time that I made this post I was at day 105 without porn. If you told myself a couple of years back that he could go 105 days without watching that filth he would laugh at your face. I definitely couldn't have done that without the help,guidance and safe space that this community allowed me to have and I am really grateful for that.

So TLDR: Thank you for being my family of equally fucked up brothers! I am glad I joined this community and lets keep working together to exterminate this trash from our lives.

 

Hey! Sorry for the late reply. I'll try to document my journey as coherently as possible.

Things I did to control my urges:
1. Meditation: I didn't do long sessions, they were usually 5 minutes long.I tried to do them every other day if not every day. I would also recommend doing a bit of reading on it if you have a bit of time but its not compulsory. It helps you clear your head and learn how to shut down unnecessary thoughts.
2. Excercise: I do a home workout consisting of just pushups, pull ups, squats and crunches. Its really simple and you can do it in 20 minutes. You dont even need a gym membership. By excercising, you'll be too tired to think about naughty stuff.
3. Reading: I was doing quite a bit of reading during this period. The books I read were mostly books on Psychology like "Healing the shame that binds you" and "How to be Human". Learning is really important during your reboot because it helps you identify what is going wrong with you and helps you find ways to fix it. Just waiting until you get to day 90 is not enough. Once you understand why you have the urges, they're easier to control.
4 Constantly observe myself to identify your triggers. For me it was lying in bed so every time i got urges on my bed, I immediately left the room.
5. A little psychology trick: When walking around in public talking to/looking at women, make a mental note to yourself of something nice/beautiful about them that doesnt have to do with their sexual appeal. It could be their sense of fashion, their eyes, hair, sense of humour or way they behave. Over tim, you'll find yourself focusing less and less on their bodies and urges start to calm down
6. Patience: Now this is the hardest one but the most effective. The longer you stop the urges, the weker they become. After a while, you wont even remember all the videos you watched and they'll stop popping up in your head.

This was quite a turbulent streak to be honest. For me, it started out after fateful encounter and parting with a less than pleasant woman so I was quite unstable at first and I relapsed. I decided that one sure way to get better was by continuing NoFap and I did. I used the ways above to calm myself down over time and after a while I got to a pretty stable level. The next few months had their ups and downs. I had periods of intense anger, frustration and despair but they all passed. Another thing is the flatline, a lot of people get scared when it happens and think "What if I have a problem" " What if I never get hard again?" and that makes them peak "just to see if they can get hard" and then stop. THAT DOESN'T WORK. It happened to me too, I was scared but thankfully I was PATIENT. At day 90 I was feeling a lot better about myself, I was more relaxed and more calm. Most of the anger and hatred at the beginning are now gone. I'm even working on forgiving some people in my past and so far it's going quite well.

Its a long journey man that never quite ends. NoFap is a way of life, its not a challenge so consistency is way better than intensity. Day 90 is just the first step. Just find things that work for you and do them consistently, you'll see results in no time! If you need any more help/recommendations feel free to message me, otherwise good luck on your journey!!