I am fighting more battles than just NoFap, I’m slowly giving up

Mate, you are not a failure. Your brain needs calibration.
At the moment it is tricking you to believe that you are a failure. Don't fall for this trick.

 

Mate I don't know you obviously but I can tell you that you are not worthless! From reading this I can tell you are strong, you are at 34 days! That in itself is a massive achievement and just because it's something that's personal doesn't make it any less of an achievement! You are applying for jobs that's a good thing. Keep doing that! I dropped out of school, I was failing everything. I started electrical and have been doing it ever since. Do you have any hobbies (if not right now what about in the past?) Maybe reconnecting with things you love to do will steer you into a new direction. You are only young man trust me when I say I know how it feels to have these thoughts but you never know what's around the corner and when you get to that place you want to be all the worries and bad thoughts will be left behind. We are all here for you man and always up for a chat if you need it! You say you have no friends but I know that everyone on here stands together and supports each other and to me that's a friend. Keep fighting man!

 

Dude, when I was twenty I was fall down drunk nearly every day for years, and it went on for years more. I had nothing, no hope, no prospects. Now I'm married to a beautiful women, have three awesome kids, own my own home (no mortgage), own my own business, live in paradise and life is generally great - other than still dealing with this addiction (didn't realize it was a problem until a few years ago, so your ahead of me there).

Twenty is so young - you have an entire world of opportunity available to you.

My advice if you feel stuck and not sure what to do - do something drastic, to make change and get unstuck. Change will bring opportunity. Some ideas -
Take any job you can get - wash dishes for 6 months - save every penny and then travel to south america - you can live great down there for a year on a couple grand - you'll meet other young adventurous people.

Or do an organic farmstay somewhere (google woofer)- work in exchange for room and board - you'll be outside, getting exercise, meeting people, getting experience.

Idk - just throwing out ideas. At the very least get out of your moms house. Her willingness to support you (however well intentioned) just allows you to languish in self pity. You're a grown ass man - get out from under your mothers wing and do something with yourself. Nothing will happen unless you make it happen.

 

Don’t relapse, you’ll just make things worse trust me, especially if you’re on a good streak. Whatever shitty feeling you feel right now, relapsing I guarantee will only amplify it.

When I was 20 I wasn’t working either and half assing school but after getting a good streak finally on nofap I started naturally wanting to change my life. Now I wasn’t even applying for jobs when I was 20 and now I work full time. You can do it too just the fact that you’re trying is great.

Try applying for entry level jobs that don’t require experience. Or how about a retail store or fast food place ? There are plenty of jobs that you can get without job experience.

 

It is a trick.
How do i know?
I have had days like your's and also some good successful days.
When you are there you think you are going to always be there. ( by there i mean up or even down)
Your brain's chemistry dictates your mood and that is why i am asking you to calibrate your brain.
Calibrate your brain with excercise , breathing and meditation.
It takes time but it is worth it.

 

Are you in college?

 

Shit, still you finished school?

 

Hey man,

I feel you. And I don't think that telling you that you are worthy, that you have all the life before you, that you are not a failure, that you are not an embarassement will help you.

But I want to give you some thoughts, some ideas that came to my mind.

Yes, you are 20 years old right now. And yes, maybe you feel like you wasted all of your life until right now, maybe you feel like a failure, maybe you actually think that you wasted your life because you have nothing going for you, no friends, no job, no work experience, no love, no self-esteem and no validation by your mother.

And that is okay. It is okay to feel like that. Most guys would say "oh, no don't feel like that, you are not a failure!". But if you are feeling this right now, in this moment let it be. How does it feel to be a failure? How does it feel to be you right now? Let it be, see it, be aware of it. Don't try to shut it off. Yes, everything may feel fucked right now. It's just a feeling in your body and in your brain. Let it be there for a moment. It is okay.

You can't change the past. It happened. And it wasn't even your fault. No one is teaching you how to be good at life, how to be good at making friends, how to live your life in an amazing way. No school is teaching that. How should you know how to do the stuff right? How should you know how to live your life in a way that makes you feel good? So, now there you are at 20 and think that you failed at life.

And it is okay. Why? Because now you know what you don't want. Now you know how it doesn't work for you. Now you know that in order to live a happy or happier life you have to change something. Maybe you don't know what you should change, you don't see what you can do right now, but at least you know now that you can't move on like this - without changing anything.

So right now, there are two options, two cliffs that you can jump off.

The first one is apathy and depression. Doing nothing, changing nothing, living life the same like in your past = reliving the past and becoming even worse. Staying lonely, staying desperate, staying a failure. And you know life is always flowing, there is no stillstand. So you won't stay at your level you will become worse - more depressed, even less self-worth, even less social connections, even less joy, more inferiority feelings. And you know, it isn't wrong to stay in this stage for a short period of time or even longer because it will get you to a point of the ultimate decision which is: Do you want to live and end your life in this downward cycle or do you choose to actually live right now? Many guys need this stage of apathy and depression until the pain is so unbearable, so intolerable, so painful that out of this stage energy maybe in form of anger, in form of hope arises until they finally do something about it.

But this route can take years of depression and apathy. If you want that you can jump off this cliff #1.

Cliff #2 is a little different and a little more fun.

So the second cliff you can jump off is the following: You acknowledge that you believe and think and feel that you failed for 20 years of your life and right now believe that you are a failure.

And then you just drop it. You just let go of it. You feel it, you accept it, you let go. You let go of your entire past because you can't change it anyway and you know it was just not very enjoyable, not very fun. So just fuck that. The past doesn't matter. Many people believe falsely that the past has anything to do with the future. It has not! This ist absolutely wrong. (Unless you want to relive the past because it was so joyful and so fun...*irony*).

You need to drop the past and create an entire new future. You need to drop your old identity and create an entire new identity. You need to drop your personality in order to operate from a new personality in order to draw success and happiness into your life.

How are you doing this? You make a firm decision to live your life different. You make a firm decision to live from emotions of absolute freedom, of happiness, of self-care, of self-worth RIGHT NOW starting this moment & not when you finally find a job, not when your mother is proud of you, not when you finally find the first true friend. Right now - regardless of the externals, regardless of how your life looks like in the outside. When you change your internal states you change your life because you will feel different and you will draw different things to you. And what you can change right now is always, in every second, how you feel internally. That is all that you can control right now.

I mean you surely can jump from cliff #1 into apathy and depression and delay this decision for months and years.

But I am asking you right now:
Why wait? Why living more time miserably?

Why wait on feeling amazing? We are humans and we always chase emotions. You don't need friends, what you truly desire is the feeling of connection. You don't need your mother smiling at you saying that she is proud of you, what you truly desire is the feeling of validation, of love. You don't need a job, what you truly desire is validation by others, feeling secure and feeling needed, feeling a purpose in life.

And you know what the secret is? You can give all the emotions that you are chasing with wanting those things to yourself.

You can literally sit down, closing your eyes and trying to
- feel love for yourself
- feel worthy
- feel secure
- feel freedom
- feel whatever feeling you need the most right now.

You can feel amazing even if your life doesn't look amazing. You can feel self-worthy even if your mother doesn't think so. You can feel having a purpose even if you don't have a job. (And it seems like you don't actually want a job, but starting a business yourself - which is awesome!)

Try it out right now! Close your eyes and just connect with your body and try to evoke the feelings of worthiness and love for yourself. Just love yourself for just 3 minutes. Come on, you can do that.

That is how you change your life. That is what you can allow yourself to do. To just fuck your past and focus on the now and on creating an amazing future. Because you have something that most people who aren't struggling as hard as you with their lives don't have: The fire. You felt the pain of your past. You felt being a failure.

You can switch that around and take it as motivation to create an amazing life - even more amazing than most of the people that didn't struggle so hard like you. Why? Because it is easier to go from 0 to 100 than going from comfortably 50 to 100. It is easier to go from bad, bad life to amazing life than from comfortable, okay, mediocre life to amazing life. Because you have the pain as fuel, as fire.

So I want to ask you? Cliff #1 or Cliff #2?

Delaying living an awesome life or living it right now?
Why wait until you hit less than rock bottom just to start then again?
Why wait?
Why not right now? Why not right away?

How much pain do you need to finally change and go all in on yourself, all in on life?
Are you ready right now? Or do you need more pain and go even lower?

Why wait?

 

I think you’re being too negative friend. Saying it’s impossible sets you up for failure. Maybe it’s your resume that just needs work. There’s also simple jobs that you can do from home. Have you ever heard of data entry ? Try looking it up.

 

Do u Excercise?

 

You are a man. Don't let anything or anyone fuck with your mind.
Start today.
Go for a run and while running say : i am a strong man. I deserve to be happy. Say it million times and then more.