What's the point anymore?

I've been on NoFap for 20+ days, and I'm finding it difficult to justify my reason for continuing simply because porn is, or was, the closest thing I'll ever get to intimacy with a women.

To start, women hate. And when I say women, I mean all women. This may seem like an exaggeration but it's not.

Like most guys, I deal with rejection, but it's developed to the point where women reject the very idea of my existence. So much, in fact, many of them go so far out there way to explicitly state they're not interested in me, even when I'm minding my own business or just being antisocial in general. The funny part is that I gave up the possibility of dating, relationships (platonic or intimate), sex, or developing any sort of connection with another human being 10 years ago (yeah, it's been that long).

It's just not in my cards.

Women just make me uncomfortable.

I'm not sure why, but they do.

I've never been good with women and it's probably for good reason (probably because they're fucking retarded, boring, unfunny, and laugh at dumb shit). Therefore, the idea that I'm giving off "the scent of desperation" or "trying to hard" doesn't apply in this context.

Here's why...

I intentionally avoid eye contact, face the opposite direction, and avoid physical contact at all costs. If I have to talk to them, I insult and berate them just so they know how much I hate them, yet somehow they find a way to reject me or assume that I'm interested in them. It's frustrating as hell.

In short, I don't understand why I'm still dealing with rejection when I'm avoiding people (mostly women) any chance I get. Furthermore, why should I continue NoFap when I know I'll never be with another woman and no woman wants to be with me?

 

I highly doubt they're picking up on anything other than me being rude or an asshole. Like I said, I avoid any and all contact where possible. If a woman attempts to talk to me, I usually bury my face in my phone and ignore her existence entirely. If I provoked enough, I'll end up telling her to shut the fuck up or to rudely fuck off. I went as far as But even after all that, most of them continue to assume I'm interested in them or like them and proceed to make a big deal about it.

As for intimacy and relationship, I no longer want them. I know for a fact that I'll never have either them, so why walk around with this false belief of something that will never come to fruition.

 

Whats the point of building myself up when fate is practically sealed?

 

Seriously, when was the last time a women gave you a side splitting laugh? Exactly, never...

 

Yeah, I'm sooo Incel...

 

You better believe it

 

I'm not fooling myself into believing I don't want it, because I don't. No logic exists in having a strong desire for something that you know you'll never obtain.

 

First, to figure out if NoFap is even worth the effort in the long run seeing how I'll never experience any form of intimacy again. And lastly, to figure out why women go out of their way to reject me when I'm doing nothing but minding my own business and avoiding any and all forms of contact? It's like getting rejected from a job you never knew existed or applied for. The only thing I've been able to come up with is they maybe need a self-esteem boost or some form of validation.

I'm not complaining, I'm seeking understanding.

 

The most recent incident occurred on the 2nd day of class at my university. Whenever I attend class for the first time, I instinctively search for a corner or seat the furthest from another individual. If permitted, I'll grab a chair and sit even further from the rest of the class. I do this because I hate everything about socializing (small talk, eye contact, etc...). In this case, I was only able to find one seat or corner that didn't have anyone sitting adjacent to it. Moving forward, my professor hands us this assignment that required us to be in groups of two. As an antisocial individual, I would've rather accepted a 0, but I decided to just deal with and stick to my social rules and boundaries (no eye or physical contact, no smiling, etc...). At this point everyone had a partner with the exception of me and the girl sitting one chair over. As I prep my things to complete the assignment with her, she took one look at me in disgust and joined another group that already full. The professor looked at me as if was refusing to participate. In response, I lashed out at both of them. I'm not going to be called out in front of the class for her actions. The next day before class, a fellow male student who was entertained by my outburst told me she assumed that I was interested in her and that I made her feel uncomfortable. Keep in mind I only attend this class once per week. School just started so this was our first class where we stayed the entire 3 hours. Honestly, I didn't know what she even looked like until after the fact. Either way, I'm not sure how I can make someone sitting nearly two chairs over, partitioned with my big-ass leather rucksack, composing emails on my laptop, uncomfortable...I'm not fat, I don't smell and I definitely don't consider myself ugly.

It's sad. Even when I go out of my way to avoid women, they make it their life's purpose to make sure I know that they aren't attracted to me and promote that rejection to others for reasons unknown.