The longer I do NoFap, the more my former behavior seems strange

Congratulations on having and maintaining a marriage. I am not currently married nor have I ever been, and I think it has to do with my generation's happy-go-lucky and business professional duality. We want to be carefree but not give up the choice to be responsible for ourselves. We want to be pampered but give ourselves the me-time we deserve. My youth tells me that relationships seem to be a prize you share on social media rather than a foundation you build up with meaning outside the realm of digital nomads. I see myself as an old soul to this progressive and detracting information age; I take the time to know someone, I do not "hook up" or use someone solely for benefits.

The above mentioned and the exposure to pornography you mention interfering with your love life, has lead me and I think yourself to become asexual to traditional copulation. I heard a quote that went, "The imagination is strongest when someone is away." You long for a desire to be met, and by watching porn, it is simultaneously met and kept at a comfortable distance. The pleasure for yourself is all there, but the practice of intercourse and physical contact with another is kept at bay. It is a strange sensation to be sexually attracted to the idea or source of your pleasure, but sharing in it becomes a complete disconnect as the expectations do not meet the reality, leaving you unsatisfied.

Having an honest and healthy love life with your wife can be accomplished. If there is something you enjoy during sexual activity, let your wife know, and vice versa. You both have to be comfortable with each other, physically, sexually, mentally. Porn is not sex, porn is not even the idea of sex. Porn is a liminal representation of the act without its supporting actor or actress. Sex is a true connection supplied with meaning and care, one in which you cannot wait to have its encore again, an encore created each time by you and your significant other.

 

I’ve heard porn is harder to quit if your married

 

Yes, I've had similar experiences. It's so messed up. The crazy thing is that after a period of being clean sex with my wife is so much better than any porn experience ever was. Especially if you are going without orgasms in between the times you have sex. It's also great to have a real physical\emotional connection with your spouse while making love.

It's seems crazy to have jeopardized that most important relationship for the hollow promises of porn.

 

Porn life is a struggle to overcome but I want to be free of this addiction a lot of my is loneliness depression anxiety and chronic pain emotionally pain

 

Congrats

 

Thanks

 

Good job recognizing your dysfunctional behavior so early on. This will help to make you more successful in your recovery.

 

Yep.

The brain under the influence of the powerful drug of PMO is a truly bizarre thing. In the clear light of day, its thoughts and very mechanism are obviously destructive! But when we are in the dark, we cannot see what is glaringly obvious.

As someone who has made the return trip more than once, I can attest that it is amazing how quickly we can go right back into the pit if we do not guard our hearts and minds. Now that you are free, do not go back!

 

Wow. It’s encouraging to read this. Yes. I started nofap believing it was a “nice idea” that I would try to prove quitting was impossible for me. It would not work on me ; plus I never used words like “addict”; I was exactly like you.

There are parts to what you said that make me wonder even deeper on an emotional level.

I don’t crave to be all emotional , goey, and blubbery with my wife. That disgusts me completely. Until I read your post, it never dawns on me that my aversion to that kind of intimacy is porn related. The image I have of women is strong , and beautiful not crying and weepy. It’s a weird mix to be removed from it long enough to appreciate the difference.

 

Yeah man

 

In my experience, the longer you stay away from porn, the more you discover how much it has affected you. It has been more than a year since I quit p and I still discover that I'm in denial about certain aspects of the addiction. Like the sex I wanted. Terrible. It was nothing like that when we met. Quitting p was hard but it was easy if you compare it with getting intimacy, safety and love back.

 

Aré you saying the sex you wanted before is different than what you want now ?

 

Yes. When we just met sex was our own thing, it came from us, from within, not from a video. Magical. As the addiction took hold I wanted more and our sex started to look like porn. That was what I wanted back then but it was never fulfilling. I quit porn a year ago but it is only recently and after not having sex for a few weeks that I realise what had changed, what had been lost. Recovering from a porn addiction is a long process.

 

I see. Your tastes are changing. Very very cool and encouraging.

 

Congratulations. Yeah, we can be pretty warped and damaged. And surprise ourselves when we look back at what used to be.

 

It's amazing how fucked up some of our thinking can be.
My first girlfriend I asked if She could tighten her vagina muscles during sex.
In my head the problem was with her.
In reality it was my masturbation technique that caused the trouble.

Thinking back, it makes me cringe.
And it must have made her feel absolutely terrible.
A boyfriend who can't climax
telling you that you're too loose down there.

How fucked up is that?
I guess it was a frustrated young man trying to make sense of what was happening.
Only years later I can see what a ignoramus I was.

 

Oh man. You struck a chord with me in this one. I said a “toned down” version of that to my wife. I figured the slack was due to my kids slipping and sliding through there.

I haven’t really disregarded lots of these misconceptions. Writing them here it sounds like old wives tales