Starting again - new commitment

I've reset my counter as I keep on relapsing... I live alone so my enemy is BOREDOM

 

I am here, continuing my reboot. How are you?

 

Unfortunately, that is the cycle so many of us stayed locked in for so long...I'm offering to help anyone that is interested. Here's my story:

I learned to control urges by inventorying and evaluating my sexual habits/origins/physical habits, developing strategies to manage myself and having an AP that knew Everything about me for accountability/support and encouragement.

I'm 40yo, married with 2 kids, and live in the US. I've been here finding my ownway, THIS TIME, since Sep 2016. I tried and failed many times prior to this journey I'm on now, with my last crash at 62 days.

My primary motivator is to help othersavoid the pitfalls that kept me in bondage to PMO for 2 decades and hurt my married sex life greatly. I also have a 16yr old son that found PMO like most everyother guy his age...I'm paying it forward so he hopefully finds support when he looks for it also. If a guy at that age doesn'tbreakdeep addiction at this age, he could windup my age and those MUCH older than me that have nothing left of marriages, relationships, etc.

I started PMOing at age 11. Older brothers of my friends showed us P, started the process, and I fell firm in its grip the majority of the time up until 11/29/16. What amounted to adolescent discovery has been a life long problem, for me and most every other male. I’m on my longest streak now, in new territory going on 3years clean. Before NoFap, my previous longest streak was about 16 days, for mylife. I am 40yrs old now, so you can see I have also battled for a long time, but only seriously starting on NoFap in 2014. Icouldn't make good progress and had acouple of APs that didn't stick with it, I faltered in frustration and bailed out back into the pit. I then took a 2yr break, staying in frustration at not being able to succeed in breaking the cycle, and started firmly here again in Sep 2016, with only couple of resets since. The cycle is hard to break, but I believe I have figured out the mindset to do it. It has helped me and many other guys your age. One guy just hit a Year milestone - 365 days.

I have seen and used the most hardcore P, and have previously done heavy PMO for 24+ years. I've worked with 55+ guys and operate this way: there is nothing to beembarrassed by nor will there ever be any judgment, no matter what...we all are experienced and know what we are dealing with and its not a dirty secret - it's a common problem. We both need to be free to trust each other to talk about what's going on daily (or almost daily) with complete transparency.

There is no dumb question except the ones unasked - guys I am an AP for never need feel embarrassed about anything. I have likely walked in the same shoes and know how lame if feels in the fight at times. And, I can assure you that you are not alone - I've learned a lot from working with 55+ guys that I am able to share back with individuals to help them see how many common points the PMO fight has across the male population. I encourage communication without filters - it's simpler to just say what we mean with out sugar coating and making each other guess true meanings. I don't get offended easily and have worked with teens and young adults for years.

One close friend may tell another for help, but most keep it to themselves and growup addicted to PMO, or worse, for decades - all of us older guys have been where you are, and had no knowledge or no one to coach them safely away from PMO. Most guys can't tell a live person their habits, hangups and specifics - here, in a private, closed conversation you can talk openly and get real help about the issues thathaunt you specifically. It takes an aggressive stance to do this - to understand yourself fully and see how much PMO has a grip on you. It shocks guys cause it became normal to do and they don't see the truly harmful effects...they only the high that lasts for afew moments then vanishes.

I took notes on all kinds of stuff on this site and other similar ones, along with ppls' experiences - so much of what I read applied to me, happened that way, resulted in similar situations and made me feelbetter - but it took literally MONTHS to accumulate and make it make sense. Then, as I was talking to encourage ppl they kept asking things about how I was managingto build my streak and I realized there wasa lot of info to digest, interpret and it was happening in a void for newbies. I wanted them to seriously take inventory of themselves for THEM and for me tounderstand them, to organize data andmake it come together where it wasuseful for education and understanding so that it could be beneficial for a departure from PMO. That's how I came up with this - I started with my own inventory, and that's the framework I built my knowledge and streak with. I use a survey withsomethought provoking questions about you andyour PMO usage to help you and I both gain an understanding of your involvement with it, and how that relates to experiencesof others in your peer group(the group of 55+).

After you provide the data, I can provide you feedback in summary of others' experiences, and what has worked to help other guys move away from tentacles of addiction. Their specific information, nor your's, will ever be shared with your user name - only in generalities in a group datanever associated with you or them directly, only in a consensus. Then, we work together to arrive at strategies to help you specifically gain bigger streaks away from PMO. THAT helped me make lifestyle changes that have kept me away from P for years now. It isn't guaranteed, even those that have done very well - some up to almost a year at present, others havegotten streaks of 3,4, 6 mos and now 365 days. But, there is success none theless because they aren't PMOing daily - some were at 3x+ a day, 7 days a week.

In the past, I regularly found someone that was struggling to get past a 7 to 10 day streak, and offer to help them to avoid them walking away from this site frustrated, as I have seen many do and did my self in the past. Like for you, I do compare data generalisms or specific items to help ppl they are not alone and that they aren't "messed up" or "broke". Itypically reach out to the younger guys, trying to break the cycle and hoping inaway that if they have close friends struggling with this, they'll help them get here for help. I believe this is the next pandemic for our world. So many ppl are deeply affected: they become anti-social hermits, they wreck their health byspending hours a day and/or night on P, perform poorly in school or work, get depressed, and dig deeper into P. And, it happens to Christians, Muslims, Jews, Italians, Germans, Chinese, Brits, Australians, Japanese, Philipinos - I work with ppl from all of those countries...very sad. And, PMO now KILLS marriage relationships - cause PMO will not leave you alone when you get married. It will follow you right into the marriage bed andinto your head when you are having sex - ruining it all.

Talking with all of you guys keeps continual reinforcement to keep my journey on the straight an narrow also. Urges are far less at this stage, but triggers for me are anger and frustration...because they offer the escape from reality that PMO gives, whichis only short term and the problems still exist afterwards.

It's my pleasure to try to help others make a difference in their lives. Guys don't know what to do to stop it, like I didn't for 25+yrs. It's a team effort - work it solo and odds are you won't make it far before you hit a wall you can't seem to get paston your own. I'm here to help those that need and want it, through the good times and the bad.

I would be glad to provide references from guys on this site. I'm here to help whoever is interested. I want the best for you no matter what.

Let me know if any of you want to proceed with the survey to get started.

 

Happy new year!!! I wish all of you a happy year without Porn. I hope that you will have grate relationships and a meaningful life. All the good things will come to us all.

Recently, i realize that i must enjoy the pains to achieve some grate works. It is inevitable and pain is one part of our lives.
I am now pursuing a streak of 20 days that i have fulfilled one week. I have my journal and i would like you guys to read it to know more about me. I 'd like to know more about you too. I don't want to be alone in this journey.
New year new hope!!!