Experiences after 3 years of nofap

Try hard-mode for a prolonged period of time and I can guarantee that the results will be even better!
After living that way for a year or two, you start to disconnect from that neediness of seeking out, women, sex, others' approval and status. You will be perfectly happy just being healthy, alive and having your senses intact. I am almost afraid that the day in the future I have sex, most of my superpowers will be gone overnight and I am back to that neediness and scarcity mindset again.

 

These 2, particularly the books are motivating to me. I tend to isolate which I'm in the process of changing, as the people worthwhile to spend time with usually are already busy. I like your profile pic man, thanks for the isnights.

 

Tell me more about this. How long did you do hard mode ?

 

I have been doing it for over 18 months now and still going strong!
After that long of period of abstinence, you simply don't crave sex or lustful experiences any longer and don't give a s**t about when you get it next. You slowly disconnect from that former sense of neediness and get at ease with the situation, no matter how grim and difficult it seems at first.
It becomes a huge advantage in this sex- and lust crazed world we currently live in where it is very ease for men to give into these desires and triggers whenever they appear.

 

Dude you are inspirating to read about. I may need to dialogue with your more. What was your record before ?

 

I’m having such a hard time supporting my husband in just trying to reach 90 days hard mode. I feel like it’s just more punishment for me because of his addiction. Then I feel guilty that I jump him when he’s just cuddling

 

Only 13-14 days but I did quit out of fear then (as I seriously thought I was getting high at that point or something) and that was only my third or fourth time trying seriously to abstain PMO for a longer period of time.
It was not until age 27-28 I was seriously thinking about abstaining from not only P but MO as well, just for experimental purposes. I knew nothing about the potential super-powers that could result from it (I thought it was only a matter of living according to your values and nothing more) but I finally started to get a taste of it last year after 10-11 days of abstinence.
That was the beginning of this current long-lasting streak. I am shooting for at least two years of hard-mode at this point.

 

I don't want to add insult to injury but a full reboot/recovery is going to be much harder if you're married or in a serious relationship already. Especially if the addiction has been severe, going on for many years and become really hard to get control over. It is like put a jar with sweets on a sugar addict's bedside table after he/she has gained control over it for a month or two, not expecting him/her to eat any of them.
As a single man, I have been lucky enough getting a chance to fully recover before I enter a relationship of any sort. It has sucked living the vol-cel lifestyle many times but nothing I regret really as it has been essential for my recovery and regaining the joy of life again. For all other men out there who are single and frustrated, I can only give the advice to fix yourself first (i.e. improve yourself) before entering into a relationship of any sort.

 

I agree with you 1,000%. I wish you would post this opinion all over Nofap.

There is nothing more conflict-ridden than to be Falling in plain sight of your partner. I chose separation to deal with my issues and limit my partner’s secondary effects.

The false hopes that the women of pa’s feel is bound to be crushing. Plus the expectations that the guy has for himself... it’s like doing A bench press with twice the amount that you can manage and getting crushed 1,000 times before you gain more strength.

 

Keep up the good work. One word of advice.. 5 1/2 hrs of phone chat does not build attraction. You might not have ruined your shot but it certainly didn’t help. If you have success it will be in spite of it. That is friendzone behavior. A man of purpose, certainty, and who is mysterious would never do that, it’s feminine. Not beating up on you I just know where that leads. I’ve been there plenty of times. You are subcommunicating friendship not being polarizing and arousing with sexual tension.

 

Interesting feedback here.

My wife would disagree with the “ talk is cheap advice.” We I would talk for hours when we were engaged.

seduction requires the ability to talk.

 

Ability to talk and spending 5 1/2 hrs showing her that you don’t value your time are two very different things. Is that what a man on his purpose and mission would do? Never take advice on dating women from women either. Just my 2 cents. No hostility.

 

Lol! I actually likened it to him being an alcoholic and me setting up two shots of whiskey and telling him just drink one with me! So, yeah, I do know it’s more difficult for him.

 

And yet so many single guys think “ if I just had a partner, this would be easier !”. I think that’s false, not only does my husband have to work on recovery, but I have to work on the damage he has done to me and WE have to work on our relationship.

 

Yes.

I found it’s healthier for my wife if I am not around for her to csi my problems that I already know are problems.

Working on yourself separate from your relationship brokenness is what makes sense but men instinctively resist it.

 

We did make it 50 days, lol.

 

Make it 50 months next time and you will have a new husband after that time (for sure)!

 

I have no clue where to post it on NoFap. Do you have any suggestions?
Although that separation might be difficult in the current moment, you will gain it back many times over in the future. Keep in mind that no woman (or other person for that matter) can fix your internal issues, struggles and obscurities no matter how great the relationship might seem.
In order to successfully reboot, you essentially have to accept, appreciate and cherish the present moment on your own, no matter how hard, lonely and frustrating it might be in the beginning.

That's a process that takes time and requires a significant amount of time being spent on your own (preferably a few hours each day), meditating and reflecting about life, your core values and what really feels meaningful and valuable in your life. But, it will certainly set you free in the long run where there are much greater and grander things ahead.
I know plenty of dudes who almost immediately (after their last breakup when their world fell apart) go out looking for a new girlfriend/woman without barely having spent any time alone in-between. It is like they are afraid of facing themselves and their demons square in the mirror and feel some kind of stigma attached to single-hood and being alone for some time. Each time I see these dudes, it is like they haven't changed to the better at all.
Probably because they never put any time off being alone and really reflecting about life's important and deep issues. Therefore, their world will likely crumble again as soon as their current marriage or relationship ends, unless they already live in an unhappy marriage because of their unresolved issues.

 

Again you nail it.

We , as addicts, are undoubtedly most afraid of being alone with ourselves. Facing ourselves is among the toughest challenges we have.