It's Time

Hello to all of you, first of all I'll like to thank you for this website and for helping all of us to get rid of this awful addiction. I am a male now living in Peru, and I am 22 years old.
The firs time I recall watching porn was when I had 14 years and it began to grow and to influence my life more each year that passed.

I am Catholic and this is really a problem to me, it is a very big sin and I've been always angry with me for watching porn and masturbating. When I turn 18 I tried to stop, and for some periods I accomplished certain goals. I began to reduce the times I watched porn and masturbate to once every two weeks or so, one period I even reached one month and a half without doing it, but at the end it always returned and I couldn't leave it.

Yesterday I finally realized that I am an addict to this, because I can't leave it alone, even with all the effort I have done. Now I am willing to do the final streak, the one that will let me free of porn, I really hope and pray for it to become a reality.

 

So long no big problems, only little thoughts but no big urges

 

Yesterday and today has been the most difficult days until now. Yesterday I had a very strong urge, thanks God nothing else happened. But at night I started to look pictures of beautiful women, there weren't bad pictures but nonetheless I saw them. And today I searched for cosplays of beautiful girls and I started having thoughts, not very bad ones, but they were there. Now they are over, I need to be more careful.

 

In Saturday 7 of September of 2019 I masturbated, I was having a lot of urges, and a lot of thoughts, then at home I saw pictures that gave my brain more fuel to keep imagining bad situations. Then I masturbated, I had an strike of 23 at that time. I didn't watched porn.

 

Thanks for your words, I'm really grateful. But today I did it again, I masturbated and search for a lot of porn. I didn't watch it, but I saw the descriptions and images. It knock me down. Keep going in your journey, I'll do it to. Thanks for your support, I will be glad to be for you at any time.

 

Thanks, yeah I started in this page the day I realized I was addicted to porn, but lately I forgot and fell down again. God bless you to, and thanks for your support

 

Today I had an strike of 9 days, and I fell. I'm rebooting for real this time. I'm praying for it, cause I can't do it alone

 

Some days ago I searched seductive pictures on my phone, no big deal. But today I did it again. Other thing that has happened in the last few days is that I met Jose and he has been a big help for me

 

It's a new year, I've been relapsing a lot in the past months. I'm mad at me, I forgot how to pray, how to be with myself. I don't know me, I really want to change, to find me. The most important goal for these 3 months is overcoming porn. Today I will start a journal in which I'll write every day using the information of this video www.youtube.com/watch?v=9QXD1E-hS8Y

 

Morning after the relapsing.

In the recent days I've been worried about a friend because I think she's in love with me. I like her a lot, but as a friend I want to protect our friendship. Also I have been very worried for been the president of the youth group in my church. Yesterday I was going to take a bath in the morning, I entered the bathroom to poop, and while I was doing that I started thinking about sex. I didn't wanted to stop thinking about that so I kept doing it and then I started masturbating. The lie that I told myself was that I was going to enjoy it, that masturbating was going to make me feel good and erase all the worries I had. Later that night right before I was going to bed I started thinking again. I was really mad and disappointed at me for the thing I did in the morning and I didn't mind to throw all away, I didn't care about anything and I started watching porn. That night I masturbated two times, adding the one in the morning I did it 3 times. The lie I told myself that night was that I had no worth, that I was nothing, that I'm sick and that I was not going to be able to recover, ever.

To prevent this, in the morning I should have told me that those thoughts were bad, I should have entered in the shower and bath with cold water while I prayed to God for strength to overcome the situation. If I had fallen the first time, in the night I should not have told me that I don't worth anything, I should have remembered that God loves me, he always do, and he is always waiting for me to love him back.

 

Night

Today I went to confess my sins to a catholic priest, that will help me to restart this journey. God is the only possible way in which I can achieve this. I went to the church and assisted to mass (misa), there I prayed and later talked a lot with my friends. While I was in the mass some bad thoughts came to my head, it usually happens, it is like the sequel to being watching porn, I prayed. Later in the night I went home and started watching a Netflix series, I saw 3 episodes, that was too much, I should not had seen the last one, I think that I don't want to sleep yet because I went to sleep at 3 am yesterday. Now I'm going to pray, and sleep.

 

1 day

This one will be short. Today no big deal I did not have a lot of bad thoughts, I went to talk with my friends and to class. God, I'm going to pray in English, but please help me, with my dreams, your will be done in me, make as you wish with me, help me to learn how to love you, how to love myself. Please help me in this journey I'm going in.

 

Thanks for your support, we will keep going together

 

You are right, I really appreciate your help, sometimes I need to be more humble, I will keep in mind that phrase of the pope. I know God loves me and will love me even if I fall, and I will continue with this journey. Bless you too