Escorts + Femdom = Ultimate pussy pedestal disaster

I, like many other guys here developed a femdom fetish through heavy porn usage.

I'm early 20s guy and I thought the femdom porn was bad enough, but actually acting these fantasies out with escorts is much much worse.

For those thinking of seeing escorts, the same way that you developed fucked up fetishes through porn, the worse it can become when you see escorts to do this stuff.

I won't specify the exact fetish but it's a form of femdom which doesn't even involve actual sex. Well I went to an escort to have this femdom fantasy fulfilled and after I was jerked off by her, all the negative feelings from PMO relapse hit me BUT 1000x more amplified. If you think a NoFap relapse to porn feels bad, it feels way worse acting this shit out.

And let me tell you, it's the ultimate form of pussy pedestal. When you're watching the porn, you can sort of ignore the thoughts a bit, but I really noticed how fucked up the thought processes was when it was leading up to the escort...now escorts are legal where I live but it's still fucked up...

Let me tell you, it went something like this....

1) I arrive near the location. Still got 10 minutes to wait. My heart begins racing. "Omg what's going to happen?", "Omg will she look like her pictures?"

2) Time is close. I begin walking to the building. I'm suspicious and paranoid, even though its legal. I enter the building and get the elevator...i slowly walk up the door. The anticipation is racing through my chest

3) I knock on the door. She opens the door. "Huh, her face isn't that great. But fuck it. Her body looks good. Look at that outfit"

4) I walk in. She asks if I want a drink. I say yeah. I'm checking her out and I begin to pedestalise hard. "Oh my god...am I actually going to have a woman do these things to me? Is this actually gonna happen? I can't believe I actually get to do the things I've always seen in porn with an actual woman"

5) "Huh, now I have to awkwardly ask what I want". I nervously say whether she does fetishes. She says she does. I say what I want. She sort of looks bemused while also disinterested. She says sure. It's at this point the reality is seeping through....this stuff isn't natural, the reality is awkward and anxiety inducing.

6) She performs the acts then finishes me off. All the negative energy is released. Depression, shame, guilt, embarrassment, self hatred x100. Everything from a porn relapse is now amplified

Not only are all these negative emotions dominate my energy, but I'm 100% putting this woman on a pedestal. Just look at the fucked up thought processes. Elevating an escort to the stature of some sort of goddess. Its 100% fucked up and unnatural. She's a human being, she has her own sexual desires, she probably has fucked guys at bars and clubs that she actually wants to fuck...and here I am elevating the pussy to a ridiculous pedestal

Escorts will lead to an even worse form of porn addiction. I started off seeing escorts just for sex...then it gradually escalated to acting out my fetishes with them. It's not worth it.

If you're thinking of seeing an escort, DON'T do it. If you've got fucked up fetishes, DOUBLY don't do it. It makes thing worse. You're already putting pussy on a pedestal with femdom...having it dome in real life is even worse.

 

I'm trying

 

I'm on a 15 day streak.

 

Yeah man I definitely have them.

I can manage them greatly if I keep up my running. My running greatly reduces my anxiety and depression.

 

I'd be careful about taking 5-htp too regularly, it can be seriously dangerous.