Porn is bad

Well said. I know what you mean
I'm glad you've found your path, setting a good guide for other males

 

Speak man
U words can be easily understood for struggling people in recovery like us...

 

I will point out one issue with your monologue, like so many others you drop all your failures on porn and take zero responsibility yourself.
We learn to do this from childhood in variation of following scenario - a child is running up the stairs and misjudges his positioning, catches a step and falls hitting his knee. Child begins to cry and his mother comes to help resolve the situation, she tries to calm him and stop him from crying and motivate him to forget about his pain by using silly game - "ohh this is a bad step that you tripped over" she says, lets hit this bad step for making you trip, so it will never do that again! And child hits the step feeling better, you are "bad step!" he says.
As silly as this example is, that mother just made fundamental mistake in parenting, that if reinforced further, will devastate this adults life.
You see, it is not the step that is at fault, we understand that runner is responsible for his safety, and running caries risk this child did not yet learn to respect.
When he fell, he came face to face with the pain that is there to show him safely limits and cultivate respect for the limits of his physical body, but his mother interfered with this process and in essence removed the responsibility from the child and he learned the wrong lesson. He thinks its the stairs fault he fell.

When I read posts like yours, I see a child saying "this staircase of life is bad!" you bad staircase! Then naming what step on this staircase of life is the worst, its porn that made me fall! You horrible porn!
No it is not porn that made you fall, you made yourself fall, you are responsible.

So people keep saying that this staircase is bad and I will just avoid it, but in reality it is not the staircase it is your ability to navigate it that counts.

When people understand that they destroy their lives and take full responsibility for that, then they say following words - "I made mistake, I abused porn, drugs, alcohol, I ignored advice of others, I destroyed my life and brought myself to my knees - It is all my fault, I have to change"

Instead we keep hearing - "This staircase is bad it made me fall!" - "Porn ruined my life!"

I hope you see how vastly different this view is and how it has nothing to do with steps, porn or drugs because those are not causes they are consequences, for not learning critical lessons as a child.

 

That is so absolutely right.

I made my mistakes all by myself, I knew what I was doing, BUT under the influence of my ”addiction” I did not think of the consequenses or morals. Wich I would have done otherwise.
It was still me, me and me - and one has to accept that.

I did some stupid immature creepy things that could have hurt my GF really bad, but I decided to man the fuck up and be honest about what I was doing, why I was doing it and that I had done it for the last time just before telling her.

Consequenses; This was not a big deal for her. She forgave me, she supports me, and we have gotten engaged since then. About a year ago since I stopped. The shame is strong, but its getting better.

Did I blame porn? Both yes and no, but porn was only the fuel for the fire, and I myself who was trying to escape problems in life, was the spark. This creating a ”fire” wich would be the sexual behaviour/porn habits I had.

The sad part is that you often dont realise what youre doing until its too late, and THATS the part where you have to face the issues, fight the addiction, and for the love of god, TELL your loved one!

.. And stop PMO completely if possible.

 

You are still in the blaming frame of mind.
Look, if you run across the 6 lane highway and get hit by a truck what is the point of blaming that truck?
Yes we can say - that driver was not paying attention, he was too slow to react and if he started breaking sooner he may have done less damage.
But at its core, truck and its driver is not at fault. And do we need a sign every 30 feet reminding people that running across 6 lane highway can result in death? No , no we dont

As silly as this sounds I have seen adults, running across a 6 lane highways, for no other reason than - "I want to cross here and now", somehow they did not learn the lesson earlier in life that this is life-threatening and they do not feel the weight of that risk when they run.
When you say I am responsible for my well being and preferably also - I am responsible for well being of my family, you are in a position to properly understand risk and therefor cost of doing things you do. Cost in terms of health, money, well being, trust from others.
Your view on life changes because now before you do anything you have to understand its risks. You are responsible for understanding what benefits and drawbacks will come from doing what you are about to do. Noone needs to inform you about those risks.

Yes internet did not ask you if you wanted to see pornography, same way a forest does not ask you if you wanted to be bitten by a snake or attacked by a bear when you went for relaxing morning walk.
When that snake bites or that bear attacks, you life is decided by how well you understood these risks and how well you prepared to deal with them.
When you lay there dying on the forest floor with poison in your veins or after being destroyed by a bear, you can keep comforting yourself that bears and snakes are bad horrible things and noone asked if you wanted to be killed by ether one today.

People that take responsibility, understand the risk, they take responsibility and bring a bear spray as well as how to best behave during an encounter, know how to delay snake poison effects and bring tools to quickly get help. This does not guarantee they will survive, but they will not blame circumstances.

 

Why doesnt your loved one want you?
Being honest and showing remorse is usually key to forgiveness IMO, everyone does bad things sometimes during a lifetime, and its very important to show that you are truly sorry for your mistakes, showing that YOU want to change, not doing it for your partner.

How do you mean we dont have much choice?
We watch porn because we like the thrill, we can of course fight those urges and do other things to stay happy.

I have been addicted somewhat myself, at least I did things that I am not proud of without really REALISING, WHEN you finally realise, thats when you get to choose what to do - fight or flee.

I chose to fight the addiction and open up to my GF, I thought she was gonna leave but she decided to support me and today I am no longer into the weird shit I used to be.


I could have chosen to not go too far from the beginning, but my desentisized brain wanted the thrill, just like most of us.
We always choose our own path, and sometimes we take the wrong turn, some of us make a U turn to go back to normal while some of us always seem to run deeper and deeper into the shitstorm

 

People love those who provide them with safety, care, respect and affection, they marry for the same reasons.
You are playing mind games because you fear rejection, you made up this story in your mind, that even though I failed at this, "I secretly did not fail, because failure in this cases did not mean actual failure" Huh?
Its like person walking outside walks in to a pole because he is not paying attention and then begins to rationalize to himself that he meant to do that - do not do this, this is very damaging to your own self esteem.
Meet your crush, say I am sorry, for anything you did wrong, wish her the best in life and move on to you own life's adventures.

Like many here you suffer from poor self esteem, I made a long post recently about it, you should read that post.

 

You did not understand, I was listing what you did not provide to her, and this is why she went looking for it elsewhere.

Your misunderstanding points to the core issue you have, you lack self esteem and there for can not be the giving pillar of support intimate partner wants to have.