Obsessed with porn actress

I totally understand you there. I also had a crush or was attracted to a pornstar or two. I get that thinking. But my advice is starting meeting up with real woman that are good partners in the long term. These pornstars, I don't want you to get invested in them too much because they are not the type of woman that are good for you in a relationship. They are just pretty and they have sex. That's basically it. There's more in a good women than that, and I'm sure you can get attracted to one of these good women if you stop with PMO and get to know and approach more women.

 

It's just fantasy. Your mind is making it like there is something special with her to create excitement and to seem like you have some kind of relationship with her.

This isn't' the first porn star you have been obsessed with is it? And eventually this one will be boring and you will at least look at others.

 

I am a bit puzzled why your question is, "has this happened to someone else" and not why this is happening to me and how to begin to fix it.

Obsession is rather simple to understand, people just do not take the time to explore their mind and understand it.
By definition being obsessed is when someone spends disproportional amount of time doing something, to the point where this activity or thinking about it displaces others or everything else.
Obsession is not an addiction, it is a behavior pattern that people develop.

Generally speaking, obsessive behavior indicates lack of relationships, friends, minimal interaction with others and isolation. These circumstances are required for obsession and also abuse to develop as well
Let me explain this visually - Lets say we have an average married person - has a wife, a job, family and friends. He is constantly interacting with them, they constantly keep him emotionally grounded.
If he begins doing something unusual, like sitting in his office for hours, where he usually spent this time with others, then those others notice and they talk to him. Person is able to quickly adjust and evaluate.
If person lives a healthy life, then he is constantly getting feedback from others. This feedback helps shape behavior and prevents problems in their infancy.

If on the other hand we have a person who is rarely in some significant interpersonal interactions, someone who is so "independent" he can spend hours or days locked up in his house or room and noone would dare to say - what is going on? then you have the environment to develop, obsessive and addictive behaviors, among other emotional and psychological problems.

Having an obsession means you lost your priorities, you lost sense of direction, and there is noone there to see it and help you correct.
Obsession needs time, allot of it, if you have an active and fulfilling life - you have no time for obsession or addiction.

So you have allot of time, but not much to do, so you do whatever feels best.

 

Just remember that she has no idea who you are, whatever you perceive your relationship with her to be. She has no interest in you other than as a potential consumer of her material and merchandise.

 

I was totally in love with my preferred actress. Actually I was almost exclusively watching her videos. I even found out that she had an amazon giftlist and I considered buying something for her.
I thought about how I could meet her. I wanted to date her, see her. I thought she was wonderful. The hardest part in leaving porn was leaving her.
I wanted to help her get out of the industry, although I did not know if she actually wanted that, but to me it was clear that no one actually wants that.

A thing that helped was that she kind of did not really exist. I saw once an interview with her, she was making an effort to smile and she was talking about how great it is to work in the industry and have sex with so many people. It seemed totally staged. What I imagined probably did not exist.

 

Dude! I have obsessed over dozens & dozens of them, starting in the 80s. It never ends. It'll never end. You'll replace one with another, with another. Read my post in the newbie section to see what might await you. You're young. You have the gift of time. Use it wisely. Whoever she is, she's not thrilled with her "job". She doesn't fuck in real life how she does on the screen, if she even fucks in real life any more. She's so turned off by sex, maybe even by men. She's just trying to make a living, and squeaking by at best. $800 for a standard shoot. $1,200.00 if it's a bit more extreme. 15% to their agent, who's another broke-ass loser. That's no way to live. I know dozens of industry people, in front and behind the camera. I know plenty of current & former porn stars, women & men. Nobody in the biz likes their job. Even on the business side. The men? They're desperate. $200.00 a scene. They are the definition of miserable. Half of them are broke. Several live in their fucking cars. They get paid nothing. There's zero glamour in it after the first week. They inject their dicks with stay-hard drugs. They have no future. They are all sad. Nobody is happy, until they quit.

And here we are......obsessing over their lives, jerking off, wasting time, fantasizing about them. It's a fucking illusion. Don't get hooked.

 

Wow, this is interesting! How do you know about all this? I'd like to know more about all this thing and debunk it in my mind. I guess the more I know, the less my attraction to this industry be. You should write a resume for us and post it.

Are these the numbers even for very famous actors (male and female)? Are the women on drugs as well? Don't they get all drenched and the tissues wear out with all these extreme scenes?

 

BINGO!!! “the more I know the less attraction I have to this industry.”
Good observation! The deeper purpose of NoFAP is that behind the habit there lies a true genuine group of Seekers! Seekers of truth. People who are fed up with the lies and the illusions and the deceit. That is why this is the best community of collective-anonymous truth seekers on the internet right now. This place is filled with hope and knowledge and people striving to break their mental chains.

 

In my own experience, knowledge of how the sausage is made does not necessarily kill the desire to taste it (old metaphor here. No sexual reference meant). That is, I knew/know all the facts, and it had no impact on my need to get off daily and use porn as the vehicle. In many cases, I knew the people on the screen personally (a few closely), and I know many of the camera angle tricks, which, once observed, kinda changed my viewpoint, but not enough. I have been on shoots. I have rented my house out for a few of them as well. I have been behind the scenes at AVN, and personally observed the women end the booth shifts in disgust & exhaustion. It's 100% fake. But, for me, it was Disneyland: 100% fake, but it did the job. Nothing was going to get in the way of my multi-time per day habit. Until October 7 2019.

I was never in the business in any way, not even tangentially. But here's the deal with my knowledge. If knowing the ugly facts helps you, I will write. But I suspect it can be a trigger for others. So, be careful what you ask. I will do my best at ensuring that it's clinical, factual and not in any way exciting (it never was anyway). If I trigger anyone and fuck up their counter, please let me know and I'll stop.

I'm here to be part of a group of recovering addicts. My experience is probably somewhat unique, but the outcome is that my addiction to porn & PMO has ruined my sex life. I've always been the dude with the hot chick that everyone wants. But the truth is that I haven't been able to fuck due to PIED. What a goddam waste.

My daughter once told me, with deep wisdom: "Never meet your heroes"

 

Ah...yes. The ol Amazon gift list that every porn star has. The instagram...the twitter. It's all fucking bullshit. It's worse that Hollywood, where your brain is taught that the life of an industry person (porn or legit) is so amazing, and yours is so insignificant. Trust me...It's not. All of the porn women have alternate sources of income: video chat, sexting, gift lists and more. But the most lucrative is escorting. So yeah...all the amazing lifestyles you're lead to believe they live, and here they are, fucking a stranger for $1,000.00 so they can make rent in their shitty studio apartment. It's all bullshit, and all very sad. And not one woman in the business has ever given a fuck about any guy she met through it (AVN, sexting, video chat...whatever). The minute you don't pay is the minute you don't have access. It's all fake.

 

The numbers for some women at their peak of fame can be just a touch higher, but barley. But nobody in the business is rich, even the top women at the height of their fame. And their peak fame is short-lived anyway. Here's another stat: a scene with 2 dudes pays her only an additional $200.00. 15% of everything to their "agent". Do the math. It's a million miles from glamour.

 

can i see your book?

 

Wowowwo, wait, you mean they do the shots and they are also prostitutes? You mean I could have actually met my star by paying 1.000 dollars? I never saw a link or something.
But I was seriously interested in knowing her (I know it's ridiculous). What if someone showed up, paid the 1.000dollars and told her that she does not need to do that? That I wanted to help and get her some training in something else then porn?
If it is so horrible, why do they do that? I mean the women, the men I imagine.

I once saw a scene, where I had the impression that normal guys paid so they can participate and have sex with the porn star, is that true? And then she still gets only 1.200 dollars? I saw once a scene where basically there were dozens of guys and they just finished in her face. If each of them pays 1.000 dollars to do that, that is 12.000 dollars for her? Or not?

But I heard once of some female and male porn stars who started their own production firm, that does NOT pay off? So, who is making the money? The porn websites?

But they seem to be like a star? I guess there are millions of men like me, trying to get to her, sending her money, making her amazon gifts? Is that wrong?

So you have produced a porn in your house?

Man, you're an oracle here! Thank you for sharing.

 

This conversation is becoming counterproductive to my objectives. I imagine it may be disturbing to others as well. For me this is a place for recovery from an addiction that has ruined my life. My inner knowledge of certain facts should solely be used for the purpose of understanding that EVERY SINGLE male porn star would trade places with any of us. Do not worship porn stars. They are very broken people. It’s all fake.

lastly, I will not engage in any discussion that is better suited to a porn fan website.

sorry for being blunt.

 

Sure, I accept that. But I am not a porn fan. I just wanted to debunk the myth.

 

Forgive me then. I sensed a feeling of excitement in your post that felt inappropriate for our collective objectives. It sounded like you were regretful for not having been successful at making contact with your porn star fantasy (of the moment, to be real). Allow me to address some of your queries. I never produced anything. My house has been used a small number of times for small time clips crap. Nothing that ever went through big name distribution. I haven’t a clue about scenes involving fans, and explicit rates for specific scenes with specific people. I know what I have been told by people who were / are in the business. I deleted my extremely extensive collection, including crap shot in my house and yard. It’s all gone for me, and I’ll never look for it on line. I’m done.

if anyone else has legit questions that will help debunk the myth of the life of a porn star (male or female), ask away. But the second I sense things going sideways, I’m out. Keep it clean. Do not permit your dialogue to cause anyone discomfort or a relapse or reset. We’re all in recovery here and need to be responsible and respectful. If anything I’ve said has caused anyone discomfort, please dm me. I’ve been on this site less than 2 weeks. I’ve been clean less than 2 weeks. I may not know all the rules, and if I have broken any, I apologize.

 

I have a question. You say that you know some of these porn actresses/actors personally. Did any of them manage to break free and salvage somewhat of a normal life?