300 Days of Monk Mode – The Death of Desires

Quick update as not much has changed since my last reporting, but I've decided to write down some of my observations on this round number nevertheless.

First the positive notes. I can confirm now that my social/general anxiety is gone. I don't know if I can contribute this to NoFap or changes in the lifestyle I've made during current streak, but does it really matter? The point is that the disorder I suffered from throughout my late teenage years and all adult life has finally disappeared.

I must stay humble and vigilant when writing this down, never say never again, but still the second great thing that abstention has brought me is the absence of compulsions to view explicit material and/or MB. Even if I see explicit material, I get no reaction to it anymore. Coming from severe PIED, return of regular solid morning woods is another positive consequence I should report.

Now to more negative ones. Anhedonia is a very real problem. I don't know if it should be contributed to PAWS or preexisting chronic depression but it's here and doesn't seem it will go away anytime soon. It doesn't bother me all that much but it still is a problem when you live in a society where vast majority of population is motivated by pursuing sensory pleasures and endless consumption. When people discover your I don't give a f... attitude towards most of today's distractions consumerist culture is throwing at us constantly, you become a social outcast. The funny thing about it is that once you learn to stop caring about their response, that pissed people off even further. Life has become kind of a flat line, absent of dopamine spikes instant gratifications used to bring and absent of lows, disappointments would normally produce.

Depression is still a thing. I've learned how to control it, but »black dog« is far from dead. It takes a lot of effort and self-discipline to keep it asleep.

If I could give one advice to the forum members who stand at the beginning of the NoFap journey I'd say don't set yourself big goals as you'll most likely get overwhelmed by them and give up. Put emphasis on small goals/tasks achieve them and gradually build up upon them. The point is to set and achieve small tasks that are good for you over and over again and before you'll know it you'll achieve something big plus improve self-discipline and patience along the way, two crucial elements needed to beat this addiction. When you fail/relapse, don't let self-guilt/self-shame take over your mind, rather analyze what went wrong and focus on failing a bit better next time (but do not plan to relapse in advance). I know this sounds strange, but slips and relapses are inevitable part of recovery. The important thing is to keep trying and never ever give up, seek self-improvement constantly and one day you'll break-out of addiction cycle for good.

That's about it. Please feel free to ask if you have any questions.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

I didn't suffer from memory problems but had a terrible brain fog (not being able to follow conversations was especially bothersome) but it went away after 5-6 months into reboot.

 

Not an easy thing to answer. I've been thinking about your question today. I come up with few rules that has helped me, but they're probably not universal.

Early recovery really sucks (going through acute withdrawal symptoms and all) so try focusing mainly on these goals for the first 3-4 months:
1. DESIRE TO CHANGE -> Recognize that you need to change. I'm not talking about x-number of days challenge, but a permanent change. Accept that the change will be painful. -> Sep 18, 2019
2. SLEEP -> This one was a difficult one for me to master as insomnia is usually one of withdrawal symptoms. Try to sleep 7-9h a day (preferably between 11pm-2am) -> Sep 21, 2019
3. DIET -> avoid processed food, food with added sugar, drink 2-3L of fresh water a day, eat lots of vegetables and fruits.
supplements: Omega3 (fish oil), vitamin B complex, D3, Zn, Mg, Ca (milk), K (bananas) -> Sep 18, 2019
4. EXERCISE -> The most important one of all. Do at least 30 minutes of daily aerobic exercise outdoors every day. It can be just brisk walking at first and you may increase it over time.
I started with free 8 weeks 5K beginners running app program and walked or cycled other days. The point of this is to get your daily dopamine fix from exercise instead of PMO so
withdrawals won't be so bad and enough vitamin D by sunlight. You might add some strength training over time but that's all optional. The important thing is to get out on fresh air and move
every day.

Post acute stage after 3-4 months of abstinence:
5. FIND OUT UNDERLYING ISSUE(S) that led you to addiction. Easier said than done, but crucial for successful recovery. Don't be afraid to seek professional counseling if needed -> Sep 25, 2019 , Sep 1, 2019
6. FACE THE UNDERLYING ISSUE(S) that is causing your mental pain and address it appropriately. -> Sep 28, 2019
There are many recommendation I could write down under "post acute stage" (learning to let go of the past, start liking yourself again, adopting positive attitude, importance of connection, gratitude, giving service, … ) but they all revolve around point 5 and 6 and don't want to make this post more confusing as it already is. You can read about them in my journal -> https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/hopeless-case-searching-for-hope.187822/page-26

I could also add that it's a good idea to write daily journal at least for the first 3 to 4 months to keep yourself accountable every day and have a contingency plan in case of a relapse. Something like this -> Jul 16, 2019

 

I didn't want to discourage people, I was just telling the truth. I noticed that my anxiety started to ease in the last 2-3 months period and I'm still not sure what helped me, maybe my brain just needed more time to heal or it was some new habit I formed. I noticed the biggest difference with anxiety levels when I became very strict with my daily routine. Shifting between walking/running in the forest and cycling uphill for 1-2 hours every day except Sundays, weightlifting 3 times a week and practicing WIM HOF breathing/cold showers and surya namaskara + pranayama every day. Something worked. I really don't care what, maybe combination of all these things maybe just time. I also started to work on changing my mindset. Once a thing starts to bother me now I act immediately. For example if I notice discomfort when thinking about having to call someone, I call him/her immediately to get it over with instantly. This has helped me to stop ruminating around negative thoughts and emotions.

As for the second question, the answer is no, I had no minor or major slips during current streak. I found myself opening one torrent site with adult content I used to use for long years on several occasions in my early months of recovery, but it was not lusting that brought me there. It was just automated old browsing habit. It scared shit out of me when I realized just how automated this behavior was, to the point that I didn't even know what I was doing and how I got to the page. But as soon as I realized where I was, rational thinking kicked in and I closed it without a problem. This behavior completely disappeared after being 4-5 months into recovery. That's the reason I don't believe in filters. You have to reactive your rational thinking (prefrontal cortex) to fight addiction (deep learned behavior) and the best way to do it is to take control over your own actions. I'd love to get some lust for real life women back but it's hard, anhedonia is a b... I'll start dating again just for the sake of it. Maybe lust will return this way.

 

Congrats on the first 30 days, first 2 months are the hardest. Just keep going. 90 days is a good goal, maybe it will be enough to cure your PIED but even if not, just continue and things will improve.