Trans Escorts, Affairs, and Cheating on My Wife

XenasJourneys · Oct 29, 2019

tangoalfaromeodelta said: ↑

Hey man, it takes a lot of courage to come out with something like this, but accepting the truth is the first step to changing. I'm no psychologist, but it seems to me that you have your priorities entirely out of whack; and I don't mean that in a shallow sense: I mean in a deep, ingrained moralistic sense, the same way most of us do on this forum.

You need to re-orient your life around something other than sex. And that's great to say, I'd wager you'd probably already figured that one out at least partially, but how the fuck do you actually do it?

Ask yourself about the other aspects of your life. You're using sex to escape from something or everything else, no doubt. Is your job draining you day in day out? Is your relationship with your wife/family not what it could be? Is it all of the above, or something else entirely? Hell if I know, but if you really ask yourself what you're running from, you'll probably get an answer. Maybe a vague, diluted answer. But that's something you can work with.

This is the part where I tell you to go fix whatever's fucked up in your life. But you aren't going to go from running away to everything to drawing a Dane Axe and murdering everyone standing in your way overnight. Start small. Very small. Ridiculously, comically small. Say your house is absolutely disgusting. Nothing's in any sort of order, the floor is stained with cheeto puffs, the works. It's going to take a hell of a lot of effort to set that all right, but not so much to pick up a toy car from off the carpet and put it in a box.

And after that small task, reward yourself. Think of the reward beforehand, so you have a reason to do the task. Then after you put that toy car in it's place, drink your fucking coffee and be proud of it, because you just improved your situation. Rinse, repeat, and slowly progress to more meaningful tasks.

You don't have to tell your wife about all of this straight away. But you do have to tell her at some point. Honesty is one of the most important qualities of a man. It's a hell of a lot better to tell her and explain your problem that to let her walk in on you banging a transgendered person and make her mind up herself.
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Quite the username mister. Nice reply too. Makes me feel less awkward seeing someone with a name like that. Just thinking how random and patchwork mine is. Not saying yours is just saying it's different.

Bill Sis · Oct 29, 2019

What I am reading here is, YES, you might have been those things...but there is nothing the boat can do about the wake.... that is history. You have been pointing your boat in the right direction for 14 days. THAT IS HUGE! Shame is fair if it builds a fire to move you in the right direction, but don't over do it - your you'll keep turning right back into the wrong direction. Take pride in the little things you are doing right. Build off those than the support you get here. Congratulations!

johnbeechy said: ↑

THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR YOUR COMMENTS!

Thank you for relating to my situation. I need as much encouragement as I can get. I have thought a lot about my addiction. I think I am having a crisis of masculinity or purpose. I used to think being attractive to girls and fucking random girls made me masculine. I still sort of do think like that. But then, as I have grown, and have become the rock for my family, and my children are girls, it's like I am realizing something... I'd be fucking PISSED of any of my daughters married a piece of shit like me - porn addicted, cheating loser. That's not a man. A man would be someone who would set the example for his daughters "THIS IS WHAT A MAN LOOKS LIKE." And that's where I am psychologicaly. Sick of the sneaking away to beat off, sick of looking at anything with a pair of tits and instantly thinking about fucking, sick of flirting with women at social events that my wife is right there for. Who fuckin does that?

I'm traveling to San Diego for work in two weeks. I am going to read and post every day on here to keep the encouragement not to cheat on my wife. Thank you for your encouragement.

There's a lot here that you're right about. I am struggling with something big. Maybe it is the thought of having to actually "grow up" and be a man, be a husband, be a dad, be a rock for my family. I am the sole breadwinner. With my own company. I have a lot riding on me. And yet, even though I know that I need to kick ass and take care of business for my family... I avoid it. I jack off instead. What a fuckin loser. Why am I doing this? Why am I putting my entire life in jeopardy. If my wife ever took my kids and left me, I would be absolutely devastated. I would be ruined.

So this is my commitment. Step 1 of many to take better care of myself.

Step 1: NoFap for 90 days
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SteveIsMyName · Oct 30, 2019

GeorgeJetson said: ↑

@johnbeechy I have a similar struggle bro. I've been married for 5 years to an amazing woman, have the kids, house, and all the nice things one with a "perfect" life would have. Unfortunately, my addiction takes me to the darkest places I never imagined going. I've held a gun to my head numerous times over the past few years but never could do it once the thought of my wife and children came to me.

Fortunately, there is a solution and this community is a big part of it. I've successfully experienced the freedom from my obsession at least 3 times while being an active participant in this community. Additionally, I implemented numerous things into my life to help me with my recovery...and it worked. It worked until I started taking those things away...one at a time until I was left with nothing but me and my mind. The relapse came soon after. Each and every time I went down a darker road until now. My porn and random sexting/video chatting addiction has turned to a full blown Asian massage parlor addiction. I never thought I would take it to that level but I did. I fear what could be next. I fear losing my family. I fear having legal issues. But I'm back. I'm back to basics with what worked before. Here's what my daily routine looked liked in the past during the days of freedom from the addiction:

- wake up and pray, meditate, and shower
- be a patient father to my kids and get them ready
- focus on being a good listener to others throughout my workday and avoid long staring at women
- if I have an urge, hop on nofap and read the boards, post responses, share my experience, share my feelings
- come home from work and hit the gym - avoid staring at the ladies
- hang with wife and kids, making sure I'm attentive and present with everyone. Avoid my phone
- meditate and shower
- post updates on my day, read and respond to others, stay focused on recovery
- pray and go to bed

Thank you for your honesty and being part of this community. Feel free to reach out to me anytime. I'm at an all time low and desperately want that freedom back.
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I, too, am addicted to massage parlours, as well as having been successful with nofap years, before.

I admire how candid you are in sharing your state and where you'd like to soon be. If it's of any token to you, you've at the very least, changed my view positively.

GeorgeJetson · Oct 30, 2019

SteveIsMyName said: ↑

I, too, am addicted to massage parlours, as well as having been successful with nofap years, before.

I admire how candid you are in sharing your state and where you'd like to soon be. If it's of any token to you, you've at the very least, changed my view positively.
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@SteveIsMyName Thank you for the kind words and being honest about your addiction. This addiction gets worse and worse for me as time goes on...untreated. Things I say I would never do end up being done. I've also started speaking with a therapist in addition to my daily practices to stay focused on recovery.

This is a great community. I always find what I need here...it's just sticking around for the Long haul that becomes challenging.

XenasJourneys · Oct 30, 2019

Bill Sis said: ↑

What I am reading here is, YES, you might have been those things...but there is nothing the boat can do about the wake.... that is history. You have been pointing your boat in the right direction for 14 days. THAT IS HUGE! Shame is fair if it builds a fire to move you in the right direction, but don't over do it - your you'll keep turning right back into the wrong direction. Take pride in the little things you are doing right. Build off those than the support you get here. Congratulations!
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Keep that ship steering towards freedom please. Mine has sunk and I'm basically at the mercy of the winds in a raft but maybe I can find a piece of driftwood to make an oar with?

XenasJourneys · Oct 30, 2019

GeorgeJetson said: ↑

@SteveIsMyName Thank you for the kind words and being honest about your addiction. This addiction gets worse and worse for me as time goes on...untreated. Things I say I would never do end up being done. I've also started speaking with a therapist in addition to my daily practices to stay focused on recovery.

This is a great community. I always find what I need here...it's just sticking around for the Long haul that becomes challenging.
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That's why people talk about escalation and basically with a sexual compulsion it means depravity for some reason. Debasement increases dopamine or something crazy. It really is bad and I experience it too.

Also why they say addiction is a progressive disease however I don't think it's a disease number one and number two we always can start making better choices but try to have some self-compassion despite the degrading shit. You aren't alone in it.

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