I really need help with this addiction

It's a difficult addiction. It really is. There's no easy way around it you've just got to really dig deep mentally. You might get some dopamine withdrawal symptoms which can be hard and the urges will be strong for a while. But they will go. Give it time and you will become a stronger version of yourself. The sperm retention will make you more attractive and you will get more joy out of ordinary life when your dopamine receptors become more sensitive to real life and don't take porn to trigger them. Everyone's journey is different and I hope you find your path.

 

Coming from someone who was addicted to daily binge (P)MO for 25 years with the same intensity as you are now, I'd advise you to first figure out what is the root cause of your behavior. No one masturbates 4-8 times a day without trying to numb some kind of pain (be it emotional, physical or spiritual). Watching porn, resulting in PMOing, is not the root of addiction. Porn/masturbation is just your drug of choice, "helping" you to escape/cope with the pain. If you don't, stress will keep building up until you relapse sooner or later. Even if you manage to get rid of porn, there will be soon some other form of cross addiction you'll fall into until you identify and start properly addressing underlying root causes of your addiction. My root cause was long lasting childhood trauma, resulting in chronic depression and anxiety. I kept relapsing until I admitted to myself that I need to start addressing the underlying issue(s).

 

The bedroom should be for sleeping only. You have a serious case and it will take a tremendous effort. But it will be worth it. Go out, work out and do some research on working out. Dedicate your free time to a 90 day bodybuilding challenge and forget about the nofap challenge. If you keep reminding yourself that you are abstaining, it will create urges and curiosity. Be occupied. 21 days are very hard after that it gets easier. Keep pushing. Don't give up your life for 5 seconds of pleasure. Analingus is not normal and it will take awhile for the fetish to fade. I would say 5 months but it may happen sooner. Let the scenes be on your mind, avoid it as much as you can but its not a relapse. Bewareday 5,7,8,14 are the hardest.

 

Read the "Getting Started" guide available at the home page of this site. It includes lots of useful information to help you get started on your journey of healing. One thing to definitely do is write down a list of WHY you are here and why you NEED to be here. Those are your true goals and objectives. Writing them down often helps clarify thinking and reinforces them in your mind. Afterwards, do something each and every day to remind yourself of those goals and "why I am here". When you lose site of the "whys" motivation and determination weaken and resets and relapses often follow. So continually remind yourself why you are here and why you need to be here.

If you need further thoughts, just ask. There are lots of folks on these forums that can and will provide advice and opinions. But in the end, only you can heal yourself.

One day at a time is how we all succeed.