Joined not long ago... asking for counsel and ideas.... and sharing my story

tiro · Apr 27, 2015

Hi there guys. First of all I have to say that I am not an English-speaker so I ask pardon if I misspell some words... (I am not that bad but still learning...)

I am 23 years old, first watched porn accidentally when I was 8 but this still made a huge impact in my life. I started with this addiction of M ever since. I have to say that I enjoyed some periods of abstinence thanks to my extracurricular activities during my middle school and high school years. This periods of "abstinence" were not because I didn't want to do it, but because I didn't even think in the possibility of doing it. I was focused more in my tennis or soccer tournaments and practices and going out with friends than thinking about THAT...
During my Senior year in high school I started to feel more and more that this bad habit of M was coming back and strongly. I could not escape: Friends sharing porn to me, I myself watching during my free time and eventually my lonely practice of M...
Anyway, I got into a serious situation. I decided to give up my use of social media and I spent the minimum amount of time in the Internet in order to avoid the possible temptations. Doing this, it kind of reduced the frequency of M in my life but still I was not able to live more than 40 days without doing it. During this period of time (2012) I got my first wet dream ever! (and unfortunately my only one)... It was great because I could experience what normal men feel when they don't M or have S during certain amount of time!. This made me think that I could go through my vice of M. Unfortunately I haven't been able to run away from this vice... I have not be able to "survive" for more than a couple of weeks since 2013.
Obviously I could no longer stay "Offline" and got back to my regular use of Internet and stuff because of so many reasons. This didn't help me at all because I got back to my P addiction too.
Now I have a filter in every single device I use but still it is not a 100% safe...

The images of all the bad things I have seen are stuck in my head! They come to my mind even when they shouldn't. I want to be able to control my mind and to live with peace, controlling myself and being able to have helpful relationships with women.
Really, P has ruined the way I look at women (I see a cute girl and I can't stop ogling her!), and they way I see life sometimes. I have a dream in which I will overcome this and live with an improved self-esteem and happy.
When I fall in the battle against this vice It makes me think if I ever will be able to get rid of this.

I speak to anyone reading this, If you have a counsel, a word of encouragement or just a recommendation or comment... I really appreciate it.

Thank you all for reading and let's do this!

vxlccm · Apr 27, 2015

Saw that no one else had welcomed you yet. Welcome!

I'd almost recommend you seek less advice and recommendations and just go ahead and allow yourself to feel the ENCOURAGEMENT here and other places if you consider something like SA or therapy. You can do it! Read the stories of others in this fight. It is not easy. It's sometimes even way beyond difficult. But, it can be done. It can't be done without trying and starting and restarting and believing in yourself. You've obviously come here way into your journey and have done some very successful things, just keep it up. Keep getting to know yourself and decide who you will be, and don't let the addiction chain you into being someone you are not and don't want to be. Seriously, you have a lot to offer in terms of suggestions. Relapses are not a reason to give up, they're a reason to take courage and remember to stay motivated.

What's your first language? I used to speak/write español decently, not sure if I still have it. Just thought I'd ask.

Haggis · Apr 27, 2015

Hey tiro!

You are definitely in the right place, buddy. I'd echo what vxlccm said, and suggest that you poke around some journals on this site. You're almost guaranteed to read something that will inspire you one way or another. And if you've been able to go 40 days without MO, then you've already made tremendous progress. These forums are full of people who'd love to make it through a week much less 40 days. That's a major accomplishment and you should congratulate yourself on making it that far.

This is very important as well:

vxlccm said: ↑

Relapses are not a reason to give up, they're a reason to take courage and remember to stay motivated.
Click to expand...

Don't let your relapses beat you up. Learn from them and shore up your weaknesses.

We're here for you buddy!

hopefullynotfappin · Apr 27, 2015

tiro said: ↑

Hi there guys. First of all I have to say that I am not an English-speaker so I ask pardon if I misspell some words... (I am not that bad but still learning...)

I am 23 years old, first watched porn accidentally when I was 8 but this still made a huge impact in my life. I started with this addiction of M ever since. I have to say that I enjoyed some periods of abstinence thanks to my extracurricular activities during my middle school and high school years. This periods of "abstinence" were not because I didn't want to do it, but because I didn't even think in the possibility of doing it. I was focused more in my tennis or soccer tournaments and practices and going out with friends than thinking about THAT...
During my Senior year in high school I started to feel more and more that this bad habit of M was coming back and strongly. I could not escape: Friends sharing porn to me, I myself watching during my free time and eventually my lonely practice of M...
Anyway, I got into a serious situation. I decided to give up my use of social media and I spent the minimum amount of time in the Internet in order to avoid the possible temptations. Doing this, it kind of reduced the frequency of M in my life but still I was not able to live more than 40 days without doing it. During this period of time (2012) I got my first wet dream ever! (and unfortunately my only one)... It was great because I could experience what normal men feel when they don't M or have S during certain amount of time!. This made me think that I could go through my vice of M. Unfortunately I haven't been able to run away from this vice... I have not be able to "survive" for more than a couple of weeks since 2013.
Obviously I could no longer stay "Offline" and got back to my regular use of Internet and stuff because of so many reasons. This didn't help me at all because I got back to my P addiction too.
Now I have a filter in every single device I use but still it is not a 100% safe...

The images of all the bad things I have seen are stuck in my head! They come to my mind even when they shouldn't. I want to be able to control my mind and to live with peace, controlling myself and being able to have helpful relationships with women.
Really, P has ruined the way I look at women (I see a cute girl and I can't stop ogling her!), and they way I see life sometimes. I have a dream in which I will overcome this and live with an improved self-esteem and happy.
When I fall in the battle against this vice It makes me think if I ever will be able to get rid of this.

I speak to anyone reading this, If you have a counsel, a word of encouragement or just a recommendation or comment... I really appreciate it.

Thank you all for reading and let's do this!
Click to expand...

The only true failure is in giving up. Many have gotten a heck of a lot worse than you and ended up quitting rather effectively. Just don't give up.

tiro · Apr 28, 2015

vxlccm said: ↑

Saw that no one else had welcomed you yet. Welcome!

I'd almost recommend you seek less advice and recommendations and just go ahead and allow yourself to feel the ENCOURAGEMENT here and other places if you consider something like SA or therapy. You can do it! Read the stories of others in this fight. It is not easy. It's sometimes even way beyond difficult. But, it can be done. It can't be done without trying and starting and restarting and believing in yourself. You've obviously come here way into your journey and have done some very successful things, just keep it up. Keep getting to know yourself and decide who you will be, and don't let the addiction chain you into being someone you are not and don't want to be. Seriously, you have a lot to offer in terms of suggestions. Relapses are not a reason to give up, they're a reason to take courage and remember to stay motivated.

What's your first language? I used to speak/write español decently, not sure if I still have it. Just thought I'd ask.
Click to expand...

Thank you very much! It really helps me when I read words like yours and the stories of other guys fighting with me.
My first language is spanish but as you wish...

tiro · Apr 28, 2015

hopefullynotfappin said: ↑

The only true failure is in giving up. Many have gotten a heck of a lot worse than you and ended up quitting rather effectively. Just don't give up.
Click to expand...

Thanks bro, this really helps me.

tiro · Apr 28, 2015

Haggis said: ↑

Hey tiro!

You are definitely in the right place, buddy. I'd echo what vxlccm said, and suggest that you poke around some journals on this site. You're almost guaranteed to read something that will inspire you one way or another. And if you've been able to go 40 days without MO, then you've already made tremendous progress. These forums are full of people who'd love to make it through a week much less 40 days. That's a major accomplishment and you should congratulate yourself on making it that far.

This is very important as well:

Don't let your relapses beat you up. Learn from them and shore up your weaknesses.

We're here for you buddy!
Click to expand...

Thanks Haggis!
When I read the posts and journals of this site it gives me the courage and strength to fight another day... one day at a time!

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