Thoughts about being tempted after a few months of successfully ditching pmo....

I do struggle with porn but my big problem is masturbation. I convince myself that the more i resist the stronger the temptation will build up and completely take control of me until I just give in. It's a scary and discouraging thought that makes me cower.

 

That is wrong. It is true that the urge will increase, but only to a certain level and will never take control over you completely. You will get a lot of withdrawal symptoms like fail of concentration, bad sleeping, weak motivation, break into sweat, similiar to drug addiction.
But the urge will change over time, it is not like taking over you, it is an unsatisfied body trying to cope with this unsatisfied situation, causing this withdrawal symptoms. The best feeling you can have is going through this period, it is sometimes very cold, boring, no-victory-feeling, but it is better. But don't cramp, be self-confident. Just fight, but don't distort you to much. Just fight.

 

Just my personal take, but you are probably correct. You (alone) are too weak to face the temptations. HOWEVER, You with the Trinity, the Blessed Mother, and all the Angels and Saints behind you are strong enough to face any temptation out there.

For me, when I try to run from the temptations/urges ("Lord, please take this from me!"), they just seem to keep coming back. So I tried to embrace my temptations/urges ("Lord, help me to feel my way through this!"). Yes, it's uncomfortable. Yes, it makes me feel stressed, anxious, frustrated. In a sense, it is a form of suffering. Yet the Lord calls us to bear our crosses. The temptations/urges fade in about 20 mins on average, and stay away for longer than when I run from them.

 

This is interesting. I never thought about embracing this struggle as a cross, but I am confused how to do that. I'm not sure how one can embrace a sin. I know that isn't exactly what you are saying but I can only imagine it being something like walking through fire. This may sound childish but I feel that my life is filled with different trials and tribulations that I must overcome with divine help so that I may know peace. Just like when Jesus gifted St. Faustina with the Golden Chastity Belt to protect her from all impure urges. She stated that she couldn't even think of an impure thought no matter how hard she tried.

And Catherine of Sienna who asked for the grace of fortitude. Jesus said she would receive this after going through a series of tribulations. She was tempted by demons with lustful thoughts for several days but persevered through Christ and received the virtue.

Of course these are wonderful, victorious times of our beloved saints but I cower at the thought of going through such similar pain to be rewarded a similar grace. Embracing our cross is never pretty, so I urge you to pray for me and my purity in my thoughts and within my body.

Praise be to Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!

 

The cross is not the sin, but rather the recovery. The things you describe about St. Catherine are extraordinary, and that's my point. There's two types of healing: ordinary and extraordinary. Let's pretend I have cancer, and I pray to God for help. The ordinary means of healing are medications, chemotherapy, nutrition, etc. The extraordinary means are miraculous; I awake one day and the doctors cannot explain why my cancer is gone. No matter which means of healing occurs, God performed it. He's the source of all healing. No authentic healing occurs without his intervention, even if you don't realize it. In my experience, for years I prayed, expecting an extraordinary healing. There's nothing wrong with such an approach, because God occasionally does perform such extraordinary healings. But more often than not, his healings are ordinary. When I realized this, I started to make more progress. I also grew closer to God because I quit thinking the lack of extraordinary healing meant that somehow He abandoned me, was punishing me, etc.

 

Yes! You are right. I expect these miraculous interventions and when I do not receive the ultimate relief from temptations I feel that he is not answering my prayers. I have gotten very angry about this. I've felt that rosary after rosary isn't enough. I think of the passage 'Ask and you shall receive." I feel that I have received periods of relief but sometimes lust takes over me like a storm and I become weak and fail. I wrongfully blame it on GOD for not protecting me against a ferocious temptation. But even with all this I still have much hope it will end.

 

With God's grace, it will end! But HOW will it end is the question. "Do not pray for easy lives. Pray to be stronger people." ~Blessed Solanus Casey

PS - remember this is all my personal take on these topics developped over 20+ years. I don't necessarily believe this is the one-size-fits-all path for everyone.