An introduction, and a question on how to move on from a bad thing

Hey fellas. I am here for a multitude of reasons, mainly because I know I have sexual addiction, have been going to counseling for 5-6 years, have made a lot of progress, but still have a long way to go. I have several questions, but they are different enough that I feel they need completely different threads.

Let me begin, firstly, by saying that my form of addiction is not as common, and so does not get posted about near as much. I hope others who suffer from it can see my postings and take help from them. What I struggled with, in various forms, was creepshotting and/or public voyeurism. I would take pictures and videos of women I deemed attractive, and masturbate to those. It was an intense high for me. I started in 8th grade, did it up through college, where recently I finally switched to a flipphone, and had my counselor block my camera. So that is good. However, the other part, which is what I am here to talk about, is the mutations it underwent over the years. It mutated into screenshotting snapchat pictures, instagram photos, and then into impersonating said screenshotted individuals and sending said pictures to strangers. I did not do that many times, but it made me feel awful, as it should. Later, as I was dating my girlfriend at the time, she sent me nude pictures. She wanted them kept private, obviously. For the entirety of the relationship, I did that. After we broke up (due to my addiction, in its form of screenshotting snapchat and insta photos and masturbating to them), I started getting crazy urges to act like I was her, and send those photos (either ones with her face not in them, or with it blocked out very well) to random people. I did so, a total of three times. Each time, I pretended to break down (due to my anxiety about the pictures getting out to public internet) and would plead with these people to delete the pictures. They said they had, but obviously I never knew for sure.

Of all the things I have done, of all the acts I have committed, that one is the one that haunts me to this day. She had tattoos, so anyone that knows her would be able to identify her. She wanted them kept sfe, again, and I know if she found out about my actions, she would either (rightfully) kill me, beat me up, or get me put in jail. The accounts I sent the pictures to are all deleted or deactivated. But beyond that feeble measure, I have absolutely zero way of knowing her pictures aren't out there somewhere.

I know I have issues, and problems, and that what I did was very, very, very wrong. I am still hurt by the wrongness of what I did, and because of what I mentioned above, I cannot forgive myself and fully move on from it. I have considered just telling her, but the people I have asked about that say that that is a terrible idea. However, I can not think of any way to move on from what I did, as there is no way to know that those actions won't come back and haunt me. If anyone has any advice, I would greatly appreciate it.

For clarity, we dated for six months, a year and a half ago. I have not talked to her since early this year.

 

I agree, that is why I have not done it. Thank you for your input, kind stranger.

 

Well, in the pics I sent, some of them originally had her face in them, I just blocked it out with that photo-editing stuff, like basically drew over her face with the equivalent of a 'marker' and then made sure it couldn't be undone. There were other pics where her face just wasn't in them at all though too. The other thing is, is that her tattoos are pretty unique, and she had lots of them :/ so yeah. Yeah I've read your stuff, it's helpful to know that someone has dealt with what I have, and come out of it ok.