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I CAN NO LONGER QUIT DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO (femdom)

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Freedomseaker, Dec 11, 2019.

  1. Freedomseaker

    Freedomseaker Fapstronaut

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    I can't quit my m and p addiction :(.

    I tried methods but keep relapsing and i'm unable to resist.

    Am i done? Do i need professional help or can i still do it on my own?

    I'm trying to quit for several months now almost 1 year but i keep post poning.

    I'm so fed up with it. If i install pluckeye i just keep disabling it and bypassing it when i get urges.

    Whenever i get urges i lose all sense to reality and just don't really care about the consequences hence why it's an addiction...

    I realize that i'm severe addicted and the damage that P has done to my mind over the past 15 years is unimaginable and probably more thank you think.

    The addiction is so strong. Stronger than myself i realize now. It makes sense now why i can't beat it. This is also the reason why i think i need professional help.

    I don't know in what stage i am but i think i'm really into a deep addiction that can't be cured completely. I keep turning pluckeye off, i'm just so addicted and i can't do it by myself that is what my mind is saying now.
     
    Last edited: Dec 11, 2019
  2. Xexos

    Xexos Fapstronaut

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    The only way you wouldn't be able to control yourself as you say, is when you're involuntarily searching for porn and fapping to it or during a wet dream.

    Nothing called "i can't do it" if you have control over a situation. It's called either "my willpower is too weak" or "i refuse to do it". Just try your best with each try and someday you might succeed, but if you never try and never fight by making yourself fail intentionally, then your success chance is 0%.
     
  3. Taksen

    Taksen Fapstronaut

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    I felt similar to you where I couldn’t even get to 1 day before I’d relapse. Seeing someone for help would probably be beneficial but I think you need to be honest with yourself as well. I’m very early on in my journey so this may be some unqualified advice.

    1. Are there other unhealthy habits in your life besides PMO?
    2. Do you eat healthily, get enough sleep, exercise, etc?
    3. What is your motivation for not wanting to PMO? Try to be really honest with yourself because it seems like the motivation for it isn’t enough.
    3a. List out reasons why you want to stop. I’d suggest reading this whenever you have an urge to PMO. It seems like you’re stepping into a fire when an urge hits and you’re blinded by everything around you, if you read the list as to why you want to stop, you’ll be more likely to stop.
    4. Accept that you’re the only person who can change, you’re the only person with control over yourself and only you can decide to stop. Every time you PMO, it’s because you decide to do it.

    If you seek professional help, it may help you but that will only be a one hour session that you have once a week or so. That’s 167 hours you’ll have without that, in those hours it’s only you that can change yourself. Best of luck with your journey.
     
    LavaMe likes this.
  4. With that attitude you will never be able to. You are one decision away from being free. In the end quitting is just one decision which needs to be done. Giving up is always easier than going through the tough times but there will be always tough times no matter how many new attempts you do. You go through the difficulties or relapse and see them again and again with each attempt. If you struggle with something which helps you to improve your life and reach your goals it's not just important but also needs to be done.
     
    Freedomseaker, ZenAF and Taksen like this.
  5. fedmom

    fedmom Fapstronaut

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    Please see a thread in my profile.
     
  6. ZenAF

    ZenAF Fapstronaut

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    I've consumed a lot of femdom, so I'm familiar with the mindset. So let me translate this for you:

    I can't quit my m and p addiction :(. = I don't want to quit my m and p addiction.

    I tried methods but keep relapsing and i'm unable to resist. = There's a part in me that wants to quit but I actually really like this and I don't see why I should give it up, so I tell myself that I can't do it. Oh, and did I mention that I'm even more aroused when I pretend that I can't resist the power of femdom? It's fantastic!

    I'm trying to quit for several months now almost 1 year but i keep post poning = I don't want to stop right now. I know it's bad, but really I think I can handle the negative consequences.

    I'm so fed up with it. If i install pluckeye i just keep disabling it and bypassing it when i get urges. = Since the part in me that wants to quit is getting desperate I've installed a solution to take care of my problem for me and to make myself feel better. However since I love porn and don't have an alternative source of happiness that feels just as good, I don't see why I should take that blocker serious, so I'll just ignore it.

    Whenever i get urges i lose all sense to reality and just don't really care about the consequences hence why it's an addiction... = My ego needs an excuse on why I deliberately keep making bad decisions, so I tell myself that I magically "lose control" when I pmo.

    I realize that i'm severe addicted and the damage that P has done to my mind over the past 15 years is unimaginable and probably more thank you think. = I tell myself that I'm a lost cause so that I don't have to deal with the bottom problem that I don't know what I want in life.

    The addiction is so strong. Stronger than myself i realize now. It makes sense now why i can't beat it. This is also the reason why i think i need professional help. = I fool myself into believing that what the Dom's tell me is true and that they control me. Not because I don't know any better, but again, it just feels to good to believe in that fantasy.



    So first of all, in the first two years when I started quitting porn, I only got 17 days clean as my best streak. I got no progress. It takes time to learn how you function.

    Second, your problem isn't femdom. Porn is nobody's problem on this forum. The problem is that we're trying to fill a hole in our life with instant-happiness. And we fail to properly fill that hole with what we're supposed to: Real ambition and goals. Life is supposed to be hard, you're supposed to have a dream, believe in it and work your ass off until you get it. When you get really serious with that you just get busy. And porn stops being "an addiction" because you got no time for it, other things excite you more!
    And addiction is nothing but your brain giving you porn as the first solution for when you look for happiness and excitement. That's all it is. It doesn't force you to do it. It has no power over you. But because most of us structured our lives in such a boring, routine-like manner with no real ambitions besides what's expected of us, porn always seems like a really good option. So why should we stop? Of course we won't if it's the best thing we can do in the moment!
    "Urges" are nothing but your will being split in two. You want to do one thing, but you also want the other. That's what feels bad and people describe as "cravings". Not being sure what to do next until you give in to the obvious. Not because you have to, but because you can be sure to get the same amount of joy from it as always. While that other thing you were trying to do maybe seemed to not be exciting enough.

    So my message to you bro is: You don't want to quit right now. You don't. And the reason is because you have nothing in your life to replace the happiness that porn brings you. So of course you will keep pmo'ing, because it's literally the best thing you got right now.
    Obviously I don't have to tell you that you can be immeasurably happier by fulfilling your human potential, you already know that.

    All you have to know is, once you get serious about quitting, once you become obsessed by something new and better, not watching porn is easy as cake. It takes 0 effort not to do something, believe me. What takes a lot of effort is understanding what you really want in life and going for it.
     
  7. Taksen

    Taksen Fapstronaut

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    What a spot on post - kudos. Articulated this much better than I did and cut through all the bs. 100% agree with all of this!
     
  8. Tommybowser

    Tommybowser Fapstronaut

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    Have a friend install a blocker and not tell you the name of pass word to disable it
     
  9. Foxhole

    Foxhole Fapstronaut

    Let me put it this way. You're as man as everyone else is. And as a man you have to take resposibility for your own life. You have to break bad habits and replace them with something useful and meaningful. Period. That's the only option. No one else will do it for you. Not your doms, not porn, not government. Because nobody will give a fuck about you. I know its appealing to give up the control and let others to control you. But that leads nowhere. No dom really care about your well being. Some do it for money, some do it because they are as messed up as any addict here.
    So take the wheel because this truck is going down a cliff.
     
  10. Finalito

    Finalito Fapstronaut

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    1. Honestly, compare yourself to 1 year ago. Where are you? What were you like this time last year? Is there any improvement?

    2. If the answer to last question is yes, then keep going. This isn't something you can quit overnight. 1 year is not a long time. I've been struggling with this for 2.5 years. I'm not perfect, but I'm miles ahead from where I was when I started. Get some wider perspective.

    3. If the answer to the last question is no, then it is time to start taking more responisbility for your actions. Getting professional help or changing circumstances in your life might help.
     
  11. Freedomseaker

    Freedomseaker Fapstronaut

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    Well actually it has become involuntarily imo...

    Sometimes i get urges where i lose control over myself...

    I lose complete self control involuntarily as you say and start fapping furiously as a result.

    In fact I edge all the time because it feels so good i want to M for long sessions each time M for hours...

    Although i have succeeded in the past (PMO free for 6 months+) my addiction has come back stronger than ever!
     
  12. Freedomseaker

    Freedomseaker Fapstronaut

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    1. Are there other unhealthy habits in your life besides PMO? NO
    2. Do you eat healthily, get enough sleep, exercise, etc? YES, YES, and YES (maybe too much?)
    3. What is your motivation for not wanting to PMO? Try to be really honest with yourself because it seems like the motivation for it isn’t enough. (me, my life, my work, my future)
    3a. List out reasons why you want to stop. I’d suggest reading this whenever you have an urge to PMO. It seems like you’re stepping into a fire when an urge hits and you’re blinded by everything around you, if you read the list as to why you want to stop, you’ll be more likely to stop. I did that but that's the thing whenever i get urges i look past over that no longer thinking clear
    4. Accept that you’re the only person who can change, you’re the only person with control over yourself and only you can decide to stop. Every time you PMO, it’s because you decide to do it. True
     
  13. Freedomseaker

    Freedomseaker Fapstronaut

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    Where do i start?

    So first of all... Your responses are triggering my friend. Not sure if you're doing this unwillingly or not but do you realize you make people PMO with what you're saying?

    I quote:

    • I'm even more aroused when I pretend that I can't resist the power of femdom? It's fantastic!
    • I don't want to stop right now. I know it's bad, but really I think I can handle the negative consequences.
    • However since I love porn and don't have an alternative source of happiness that feels just as good, I don't see why I should take that blocker serious, so I'll just ignore it.
    • I fool myself into believing that what the Dom's tell me is true and that they control me. Not because I don't know any better, but again, it just feels to good to believe in that fantasy.


    Are you aware and do you understand that when people read this especially femdom PMO addicts that are looking for help and trying to quit their addiction get graved deeper into their hole...?
     
  14. Freedomseaker

    Freedomseaker Fapstronaut

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    You're talking to me like someone who never did nofap before...

    I can't quit my p and m addiction = I really want but i can't, i tried several times with 14 days pmo free as my best result the last 6 months

    I tried methods but keep relapsing and i'm unable to resist = i really want to quit and tell myself to quit each day! But M feels so good and better than sex that i can't resist to M to whoever i want since the internet has unlimited choice of content...

    I'm trying to quit for several months now almost 1 year but i keep post poning = I've M so much in my life in general and over the last past months. I feel like i have done so much damage to my brain and made myself so addticed that i can't stop immediately as a result!

    I'm so fed up with it. If i install pluckeye i just keep disabling it and bypassing it when i get urges. = Because i can't stop immediately like mentioned above i've installed pluckeye to force block myself from P and M but unfortunately my addiction made me disable it. The addiction and urges have become too strong for me and i can't control it anymore.

    Whenever i get urges i forget about consequences and lose all sense to reality = my mind got weak over time due to femdom meaning i don't have the willpower to resist like i used to have like when i'm PMO free for instance hence why i can't quit this addiction like i thought i would

    I realize that i'm severe addicted and the damage that P has done to my mind over the past 15 years is unimaginable and probably more than you think. = I use self-reasoning to tell myself that i am NOT a lost cause and a normal human being that is addicted to P and damaged himself due to excess PMO habits. Hence why I can't quit cold turkey.
     
    Last edited: Dec 16, 2019
  15. Freedomseaker

    Freedomseaker Fapstronaut

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    I have done nofap several times succesfully but now it has become more difficult for some reason...

    Please note that i never consumed femdom P before my successful nofap streaks (only soft & regular P).

    Now that i've started consuming femdom P guess what? I tried quitting like i did just before and this time i can't quit!

    Personally I think going cold turkey after consuming femdom P for long period of times is either impossible unless you're helped/forced to quit by someone else or a particular situation.
     
  16. Hi @Freedomseaker , you have asked for help willing to stop this addiction means you are willing to find the way out. I disagree with some other comments that would judge someone who couldn't stop his addiction.

    You should know that it is totally possible to stop PMO addiction and it is totally possible to eliminate the fantasies and whatever fetish you have got while doing PMO and control your sexual urges. It is possible to stop Femdom, because there are others who did. But you should forget any thought or concept or idea that tells you you won't stop this addiction or you won't stop such fetishes and fantasies or you have to accept yourself to live in this situation, nope that is totally wrong.

    You have mentioned in your last comment that "Now it has become more difficult for some reason", if you don't have a specific reason, I would say according to my experience, it felt harder to stop each time after a successful streak I reach. But this will be solved after some time of studying rebooting materials and persisting.

    Whether it's Femdom or any other category, they are all treated by the same formula:

    Faith +Study rebooting materials (From Nofap, Reddit, Your brain on porn or any book that helps in recovery) + Set a maintained strategy that keeps you away from any trigger that puts you in the triggering zone + Set a healthy lifestyle based on healthy activities you want to practice + Persistence (You should keep going, set a minor goal and does not matter how much you reset, learn from what made you reset and start again).

    By time things will be better, there will be progress even if a slow one. You will eventually reach the day where you wake up on a big success.

    Remember that Nofap should be a lifestyle, once you know the mistake, you know its circumstances you should know that you have to avoid it forever no matter what it takes. You might need to give up things you used to do such as social media, whatever triggers you should be avoided.

    It took me 3 years in a raw after consistent work until I broke the 10 days digits and nowadays I reach 20+ from time to time. studying rebooting materials was the fuel to me. You should also do it all Cold Turkey; Porn alone won't help, PM and keep edging will make things worse as well. withdrawals may appear and get hard but they will calm after couple of days.

    By time things will get easier, this is the only way, it might be a long journey but you will be thankful later. Good luck!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 16, 2019
  17. fapequalsdeath

    fapequalsdeath Fapstronaut

    brah the truth is you desire it so much cuz it's pleasureable, when no wman has given you attention like a femdom woman it fills the artificial hole creted by your mind
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  18. ZenAF

    ZenAF Fapstronaut

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    You're in denial.
    You'll keep relapsing until you take responsibility for your own decisions. Right now you treat yourself as if you were an animal that can't help but to follow it's instincts. You're fooling yourself.
    If you go watch porn because my post "triggered" you, it's you who made the choice to go watch porn. Stop using excuses. Stop telling yourself how hard it is and why you can't do it. You're not honest about your own intentions, you push them into your unconscious and they become your "shadow-self". It will control you until you decide to own up to it.
     
    Deleted Account and LavaMe like this.
  19. Yes. Like gentlmen before in this topic said I can't equals I don't want to. It's a fact. You just have to believe, even if it seems unbelievable. It just will happen, believe me ;) Keep pushing harder every day. Put in more effort and just hustle, man. Push things around, get rid of it habbit by living better life all in all. Go outside more, no matter the fetish, don't give it specific things/reasons etc. Just battle bastard as a bastard, not as a special bastard. Kill the demon, don't dare to give him special name, just slay it. Peace.
     
  20. fedmom

    fedmom Fapstronaut

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    The regret after cumming to femdom porn builds up the delta-fosb which is probably why he can't quit it.
     

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