How porn ruined my life, I need help...

I don’t remember how it started exactly but I was addicted to femdom for years like mixed wrestling, every time I masturbated it was to these videos. Eventually sophomore year of hs I got into foot fetishism as well. A few days before I was about to go to college this past August I realized this wasn’t me and if I didn’t make a change right then, I never would. So this August I made the decision to not feed into my fetishes anymore, which I did. I still masturbated maybe like once a week or two usually to pictures of girls I know or to normal porn but the problem that I have is difficulty getting erect just to masturbate it’s usually not completely hard, one of the things I was worried about was not being able to get hard enough to have sex, It was only a matter of time until it happened. I started talking to this girl pretty soon after I got to college, it was going great I thought she was gorgeous eventually she kept telling me she wanted to have sex. I wasn’t ready, and this was a month or so after I gave up my fetishes so I didn’t think I was gonna get hard so I just made up excuses, eventually she had sex with some guy so I decided to leave her. I started talking to this new girl, she was also attractive. One night almost at the end of 3 months she invited me over to her room so I got in her bed. her roommate was there sleeping next to us. We started making out and she began sucking my dick. Nothing. I didn’t get hard at all I thought maybe it was because her roommate was there so I didn’t think too much of it but I was still disappointed. A week later the same thing happened and I didn’t get an erection again, something slight and then nothing. Shit happened and I went back to the first girl I was talking to, one night with her roommates in the room she was horny and wanted to have sex I was pretty drunk so I fingered her, I still feel like I should’ve gotten hard cause this is now over 90 days since I’ve quit my fetishes. The other night I was fingering her again cause we were at someones house, she touched my dick and felt that I wasn’t hard. She said, “Sometimes I still think you aren’t attracted to me.” This hurt because I am attracted to her, I really do like her, I want to have sex with her. Sometimes if Im laying with her I’ll get a small erection but it’s not somewhat or completely solid. I’ve lost a lot of hope I don’t know what to do. I’ve considered taking Ed pills, my libido also seems low i don’t have a heavy drive to want sex, I want to be happy for myself. I want be happy with her. I just want to have sex. I’m just an 18 year old kid who wants to be normal.

 

It’s not a problem anymore I don’t watch that shit I just masturbate to pics or porn

 

How long is that going to take

 

I think I can recover somewhat quickly too since I’ve only watched porn 2-3 times within the past 5 months, I get morning wood pretty often if not daily now. When before I wasn’t getting morning wood at all, and recently I got a few pretty hard erections and I had one this morning that lasted almost 30 mins although it wasn’t completely hard, will having sex mess up the reboot process for me? Will it make the reboot progress faster? I heard having a partner while rebooting is beneficial so I also have that too I guess.

 

I don’t masturbate often it’s not a problem I can stop which I’m going to do from now on, how is me spending time with her not thinking about having sex a good thing? I do want to save everything for her she wants to take my virginity but I don’t think she wants to wait that long so what scares me is I might lose her which is sad but, I put myself in this situation. I f*cked myself. Now my dick don’t work, ugh f*ck I would give up everything I have if I could go back in time and never started watching porn or masturbating... :// life’s unfair

 

It does stress me out I’ve cried over this many times. Obviously I am pretty nervous to have sex for the first time cause she’s not a virgin, I’ve wanted to lose my virginity for awhile now and if this wasn’t holding me back then I probably wouldn’t be one. I don’t think or fantasize about my past fetishes, really now I only fantasize about having sex with her but idk if that’s hurting me or not? Thanks for the help

 

What do you mean by unplug and re-evaluate?

 

thanks for the advice and support guys it really means a lot, now to take action, I know I can get past this and live the normal healthy life I have always wanted to. It’s just a matter of patience and time which frustrates me a lot and makes me upset and I do think about this every day but I know it’s fixable and I know I can get past this. Now my other concern is how do I know I’m ready to try? I’ve attempted sex multiple times before only to fail and I really don’t need it happening again.

 

Just thought I’d update this since it’s been almost 2 weeks since I posted on here, things are going good I’ve been trying to go to the gym consistently and I’ve been eating better. I have also greatly reduced my drug usage I haven’t smoked weed in a whole week which is the longest I’ve gone in months and I feel pretty good, I plan to continue being sober from weed. I wake up with morning wood almost everyday now and I can get a full erection just by touching my dick a small amount and thinking about my girl without having to view porn or etc, something that was impossible for me to do before my journey. I can tell I’m getting closer to completely healing I know I have some more time to go, but it is reassuring knowing that I will never watch porn again in conjunction with the benefits I’m seeing from this, I do have a little more desire to have sex now I just want to o cause I haven’t in so long but I’m able to resist. Another somewhat good thing is that I might not have to worry and feel pressured about rushing into having sex now because she might not be coming back this semester, she’s going through a lot right now mentally, I just want her to be happy. All in all this is the most hope I have had in awhile and I’m slowly gaining more confidence.