Please Help Me Find Closure On Monk Mode

Hi fellow Fapstronauts,

it's been more than a year since I've decided to abstain from any sexual activity in order to stop long lasting addictive compulsive behavior. I first targeted 90 days, then prolong the target to 180 days and then extend it again to a whole year. But now the time has come to draw a line in the sand somewhere and call it a day. I know I have to stay humble and vigilant as overconfidence can be a shortcut to binge PMO hell, but for the first time in my life, I think, I can say with some degree of certainty, that I have finally succeeded in stopping the behaviour that was ruining my mental and physical health for the last 2 decades of my life. To be completely honest, I'm still not where I want to be as anhedonia is still a thing, but I think that prolonging celibacy is not the right answer to a problem at hand. I don't want to turn into one of those forum members who blame PAWS for all of their ills in infinitum. In my humble opinion, other "tools" need to be used to recover lost health and find some joy in life again. Abstention can only do so much. While NoFap forum has been of great help on my path to recovery, I think the time has come to limit it's use. I still intend to post new personal growth findings and recommendations in my journal occasionally, but I'll refrain myself from commenting and posting on daily basis as I think I have not much to say anymore. All the things on addiction and growth I have learned and found useful during my reboot have been shared already either on this forum or in my journal.

To get to the point. I'd like to ask you what do you think would be the best way to end the monk mode? I would like to end it with something that I could remember for the rest of my life. I was thinking about going on 40 days pilgrimage to thank God for helping me find the right knowledgeable people and giving me the will and strength to endure all the suffering that finally enabled me to dig myself out of addiction rabbit hole. I'm hoping that this long walk would also clear my head of all distractions so I could think more clearly about what goals should I pursue in the future. The timing is just perfect to do something like that, because my job contract expires in March, giving me enough free time to pull it of. Do you think this is a good idea? Can you think of any better suggestions how to find closure?

Also if you have any questions feel free to ask.

 

That's exactly what I have in mind. Mostly because it's easily accessible from where I live and relatively cheap so I can afford it, but would also like to see how long distance pilgrimage affects my mind. I've walked part of Camino Primitivo (from Lugo to Santiago and then to Finisterra) 2 years ago, but it was too rushed because we only had 9 days. I want to do it properly without rushing this time around.

 

I'll probably walk Camino Frances from St Jean Pied de Port to Santiago.

 

You're welcome. I don't intend to leave this forum completely, but I'll restrict myself from posting things without much added value.
Staying PMO - free for life is my intention but if anything, addiction has taught me to stay humble and never say never again. Overconfidence is very dangerous as "sleeping dragon" inside us never dies and life happens. We never know what life has in store for us next so all we can do is to try doing our best in a given situation and accept the outcome. Woody Allen would say:“If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.”

 

I was doing it for lots of reasons, not just PIED. 2 decades of near daily PMO binges F...ed me up not just physically but also mentally (chronic depression, social/general anxiety just to name a few). It will take much longer to recover than "just" one year. Both M and P are off the table for good for me. I intend to start dating again. but I'd like proper closure on celibacy before I do that.

 

I literally tried to break my life into pieces, question and reevaluate my belief system, abandon habits and views that needed to be abandoned and tried to built up new daily habits and mindset. This is a gradual process as abandoning and building up new habits and changing how you percieve your own thoughts and outer events takes time, but I've had some moderate success in 2019:

1. abstention from any sexual activity
2. stopped drinking alcohol and started drinking only fresh water, squeezed juices and green tea
3. abandoned eating anything with added sugar (sweets where my main weakness)
4. stopped eating junk food and started eating mainly unprocessed food (started cooking myself again) plus taking omega 3 fatty acids (fish oil) and Vitamin B complex supplements

5. got more deeply acquainted with stoicism ( works of Epictetus, M. Aurelius, Seneca) and old classical teachings of Christ, Buddha, Lao Tzu, Confucius and some other Greek classics
6. have been trying to change the way I think (transforming my mindset from a half glass empty to a half glass full kind of guy)
7. body transformation (going from couch potato to a guy who exercises 6-12 hours a week)
8. incorporating meditative breathing/praying into my daily life (nothing extreme about 30 min of breathing technics and praying)

As I've already written most of these things are still work in progress that need daily practice.

 

I feel better than a year ago, but nothing extraordinary.
It happens, but very rarely.
Sorry, I can't comment on your post, as I have never experienced such problem. All I can do is confirm that porn progression is a real deal as I have ended up viewing some disgusting violent materials years back that still hunt me to this day. Your brain will force you to watch some FU things to get it's dopamine fix when you're nearing sexual exhaustion.

 

I don't know the answer.