66 Days To Break a Habit

Its real hard in the day and age we live in but we gotta push through it. Thats the whole process of the struggle for success.

 

Day 14&15
These two days have had urges tempting me to look at porn and relapse. The thought is accompanied by a voice saying “It will relieve your stress and make you happy” . As someone thats struggled to hit the 10 day mark this sounds all too familiar. I just sat there in those urges and thought to myself what was going to happen when I ended up relapsing. The thought of the cycle looping back again didnt look like something i wanted in my life anymore. I am going to struggle to make a better life for myself if that’s what it takes. This is more than just a challenge in my eyes. It’s a struggle for me to get my life back in my hands and mould it the way I want to , free of any shackles imposed by my addiction.

 

NoFap is more than just not PMO it’s a struggle for a change in lifestyle and routine for the betterment of yourself . We all have lost chunks of our lives to this addiction and now we will consciously struggle to get control of our life back in our hands.

 

Day 16 & 17
The urges are there but I have learnt to let the energy of the urges flow through me and use them for some other productive activity. I feel like running away from my urges is going to put me in a passive state of mind where I constantly avoid the thoughts whereas if I actively allow the urge’s energies to be used in better activities while accepting the reality that urges are a part of human nature I definitely stand a better chance of achieving my goals. The small things in life give me happiness these days. I find myself not wanting to use my phone during my free time and rather spend it differently to make better relations and better habits. I legitimately can’t believe how far I have come. I have achieved half a month of NoFap and it is absolutely surreal.
For anyone that reads this Nofap is the beginning of you wanting to change your life to live it the way you want and to get what you want. Keep fighting

 

Yeah man it’s a kind of shitty feeling but recently I saw something that Kobe said “Pain doesn't tell you when you ought to stop. Pain is the little voice in your head that tries to hold you back because it knows if you continue you will change. Don't let it stop you from being who you can be.”
This pain is because your physical being wants the comfort of the old life and your mental being knows the fact that the life to come is gonna be a million times better. Keep hustling my man.

 

Day 18,19&20
So these 3 days have been kinda hard because I have started to get urges a lot more and sometimes it clouds my thought process and thus preventing me from focusing on the task that I am engaged in. However I feel like I have gone stronger in my ability to accept these urges and desires and channel the energy into my work. I say out loud my intention to recover from the addiction and why I shouldn’t relapse. I think about the previous times I relapsed and how immediately after I wanted to punch a hole in the wall. Channeling all this negative energy to the act of PMO has helped me a lot. I wanted to list out the changes that I have seen in myself over these 20 days
Bad Changes
1. Loss of motivation after 2 weeks where I feel sluggish and unwilling to do anything productive and I constantly need to pick myself up every day to achieve my goals.

2. Hunger for dopamine which causes me to want to binge watch Youtube on my phone or binge on instagram or anything in order to get dopamine back into my system.The reason I am chalking this down as bad is that for the time being it has more negative effects than positive which is part of the process of rewiring.
This change is essentially a good one in the long run as I have seen myself start to get much more happier for accomplishing tasks and goals and I have grown appreciative of the small things in my life.

3.Mood Instability- This has been something that I noticed where I get these random bouts of mood going into a frenzy where I suddenly get angry or sad etc.

Good Changes
1.Increase in Productivity as I am now becoming more focused on what i want in life and starting to visualize my life in the near and distant future allowing me to list out goals I need to achieve to get this dream and carrying out these goals as well.

2.Socially Outgoing - Now this is maybe because I am someone who likes to talk to people but the change is that I have noticed that I now am willing to take the first step in initiating conversation with random strangers and even acquaintances whereas previously I wouldn’t even bother much. I like to create more conversations now and try to build rapport with people rather than just acknowledging them and carrying about my day.

 

Yeah I will make sure I don’t slip because of the benefits.That’s why I like to keep reminding myself of what i’m doing and why.
Stay strong brother ✌️

 

Day 21 & 22
These are the days where I forced myself to go out of my way and study with acquaintances rather than sit by myself in my room with my books. Turns out I actually enjoy studying with others as it gives moments of fun talking to each other and also helps retain more information when teaching one another.Another advantage being since we are in the lobby I have almost nil chance of relapsing as I am in an exposed environment.
In times like these where my motivation hits rock bottom being with others who are also out to achieve the same goal as you gives me drive to struggle through this tough period and come out stronger at the end of it all.
Been following my routine of using the early morning hours productively and limiting screen time which has resulted in me developing a repulsive attitude towards my phone and wanting to actually do something or meet someone rather than wasting my time.
I have been regularly going to the gym in the evening for the past 6 months of myself being On and Off with NoFap and the retention of Testosterone has really improved my physique leaps and bounds.
To anyone reading this, when you start NoFap you need to start developing newer habits and routines in order to change your lifestyle because when you continue on the same routine as before you will eventually end up relapsing due to the lack of any activity that brings you the satisfaction and joy of living.

 

Day 23 & 24
I started getting some withdrawal symptoms like flashbacks of my last relapse and some very disturbing sexual dreams that left me shook as to how deeply my brain was affected by my habit.My sleep started getting disturbed and I was constantly having troubled dreams. I had this weird tingling sensation in my penis which was uncomfortable and after some searching I found that most people on Nofap get this weird sensation after a period of abstinence from P.
The urges are now constantly associated with vivid images , sounds and all sorts of scenarios. I usually tend to stop the train of thought and think about what would happen if I relapse -
1) I would be raging against myself for relapsing to something that just sucks the life out of me
2) My day count would go back to 0. I remembered a quote I read somewhere from a TV show i believe where someone talks about sobriety and states the number of days they have been sober and continues to say that the hours and days of effort it took to stay sober for this long could easily crash down to DAY 0 within a few seconds. I sat there thinking about how my life had changed over the past 20 days and there was room for more improvements and benefits and that if I gave into these 5-10 seconds I would be ruining the very foundation that I had worked hard to build. The urges are just like passing clouds in the sky, give it enough time and it will go away.
You gotta accept these urges and withdrawal symptoms as part of the rewiring no matter how hard it maybe and keep pushing for the brighter future you see for yourself
Lastly, I wanted to share this quote which made me think about how much the impact of failing would be and wether I wanted my past to be myself giving in to my addiction
-“ You are the past of your future self “

 

Day 25 & 26
These two days have been rough. I got intense urges with my brain thinking of images and videos and trying to tell me it was all pleasure and fun and it wouldn’t do me any harm. I almost burst into tears at one point because I didn’t want to relapse. Thankfully I quickly saw a video on a person talking about their nofap experience and difference over 90 days which rejuvenated my motivation. I also noticed something when looking for videos on harms of porn , certain big companies like BBC had videos out but they had flahsing images of nudity and very provoking audio which really made it quite clear to me that these big corporations don’t want us to get out of the loop and get a clarity of mind rather they want to numb the minds of the youth and suppress the drive in them.
Over these 2 days my dreams have also been chaos which have something to do with a girl and my mind during those dreams actually made me feel like that was reality and when i woke up I just sat there thinking how something could feel so real when it wasn’t.
I guess I have been dissociated from reality for way too long to the point where I can’t differentiate reality from imagination anymore. I am striving through these days and hopefully things get better.