THE 100 DAY SPARTAN CHALLENGE (OPEN)

Thanks my friends I really appreciate your words but yesterday since I was sad I tried to watch some motivational speech, and I stumbled in a speech of a seal who said that in the Navy they had a punishment known as "sugar cookie" and that you would get this punishment if you didn't wear your uniform in a perfect way. But he said a thing that made me reflect. He said that no matter how hard you try instructors would have found something to give you the punishment. Because that's how it is life. quoting " sometimes it doesn't matter how well you prepare, you will end up as a sugar cookie anyway".
Because sometimes life can be unfair, but you move forward.
And this is what I want to do.
It will be suffering.
But worth.

 

This is great! Thank you for sharing your progress and for inspiring me with your daily commitment to this worthy endeavor

 

I have no desire to watch P again. Because for me P means M, and I don't want to M again, either.

 

It seems no matter how hard I try I will never please everybody.

I do try to regard everybody as a teacher, though. It is not easy and I often deviate from this goal, but for me it's the better choice. Better for me to think that I can somehow learn from ALL people rather than resent them. This includes family, friends, coworkers, strangers. And this includes people who I feel have disrespected or harmed me.

 

This is huge step in your life.
It is the best choice. Resenting people will only cause more suffer.
But as everything in life the problem is to make the words become reality.
It is hard not to resent people who harmed you. But it's for the better.
Again I really respect you for this.
You're becoming more than a friend in this forum.
You could be a leader.

 

I realize that, for me, resenting people is the easy way. I can conveniently blame others for my failures, anger, etc., instead of looking inward and focusing on what I can control and what I can do to improve.

But it is a very hard pill to swallow, though.

 

Been a very busy couple of days and I have not been able to check in.

But, for the first time in months my task list at work is down to one item, and I have a new nephew! So, I'm pretty happy right now.

Day 35, checking in.

Glory to God!

 

Check in day 18. Went out wheeling yesterday.

 

Day (1)49 checking in.
Well these days are tough.
But as I always told you, it's the moment to raise the bar.
So I went to the gym and literally destroyed myself( 3 hours with cardio, biceps, triceps, legs and chest).
I said to myself to prove myself wrong.
An internal war.
And physically I won it.
So now I am trying to win it also in the mind.
I am studying hard and in a different way.
I am trying to use the failure to be stronger.
It is hard but the other option is to enter in the circle of blame and as stated by @Espi1971 , it's a bad circle for your own good.

 

Check in day 9

 

Goal 4. Pursue a long-term relationship. Status 2/9/2020:

I'm discovering that dating is not fulfilling or exciting. This feels like a big letdown to me at this point.

Honestly (and this is crazy), I think I was able to appreciate women only when I was meeting them for the wrong reasons: when I was married; when I lied and deceived; when I smoked weed and drank; when I injected testosterone; when I fantasized/chased women; when I was promiscuous, reckless, and selfish.

And the truth is: all of it excited me, and I enjoyed it, and I realize that I still miss it. A lot.

I'm no longer married, and I no longer lie, smoke weed, or inject steroids. And the pursuit of casual sex is no longer in my playbook; the "new me" is honest and (almost 100%) sober, and perhaps a bit more noble, but truthfully, I feel like the "new me" is far less exciting and successful when it comes to attracting women.

I figured by now I would be courting the affection of a gorgeous woman of exceptional character and strength, but mostly I feel like I've encountered nothing but dissapointment and rejection.

I also figured by Valentine's Day I would have a romantic evening lined up with a beautiful, sexy woman. I even truly believed that I would be ready to have sex. I've had all of this planned out in my mind for weeks: pay my dues, do 100+ days PMO, live life the "right way" and surely I would have a woman of my desire vying for my attention.

Yet I'm dissapointed that my Valentine's Day date is not gonna happen, and apparently I am NOT READY for it to happen, either.

Where are all these superpowers? Why aren't women drawn to me like moths to a flame? How come I still feel resentful and insecure about women? Why am I still clinging to ever-present thoughts about misandry?

The old me was rejected by many women in the past, but the truth is, the rejection never bothered me much, because the old me, the selfish me, the womanizing me, had nothing to risk, and nothing to lose: I used my ex-wife for "Plan B" companionship, and I used an inexhaustable supply of lies, weed, alcohol, steroids, and alprazolam, to numb the pain and keep me immune from dealing with my fear of inadequacy.

At this point I'm not sure if I'm going to renew my subscription to the online dating site. The truth is, I no longer feel the excitement from the dopamine-rush that would flood my mind when I was viewing online profiles, womanizing, smoking weed, fantasizing, and doing P and p-subs.

I'm constantly viewing online profiles, and checking my inbox for alerts, yet none of the images and emails excites me that much. I don't feel the same level of dopamine rush, and I don't feel any urge to fantasize or M or pursue these women sexually. This sounds good in theory, but I actually MISS the decadence and excitement that I used to feel from the "old me" dopamine rush, and the only way to restore that rush is to restore the old me, and that's not going to happen.

I realize that for the "old me," dating was all about fun and games, an escape. But now it's about finding somebody to love, and be loved by, i.e. reality. And I'm not convinced that the "new me" is ready to accept this as reality.

 

This is good to know!

 

@Viador that is a powerful passage you quoted. I can definitely relate to it. Thank you for sharing that!

 

Double-digits tomorrow my friend

 

Check in day 0

 

Day 3 done ..

 

Check in day 26.

 

Day 8. Checking in

 

Day two! I had a good day!