OCD talk. Solving problems [Recovery Related]

Man, I have ocd about everything. I have perfectionist ocd, meaning my streak must be perfect.

Im trying to get over this.

I just got over a big problem with my ocd.

It’s like I know just thinking about relapse is not a relapse. It’s pretty clear.

But my mind comes up with a million different ways to justify it. No matter what I know is true.

The problem is, that I don’t even want to relapse. But my mind makes me think that if I think about it I must of anyway.

what can ruin my streak forreal?

so I know for what to avoid

 

I will redirect my thoughts when they come. Usually, I notice about 2-3 days after my last relapse(s), These thoughts don’t bother me anywhere near as much. So I know it’s fap related anxiety causing it (for the most part). I haven’t really tried meditation. I don’t even really know how, but I’ll try with an open mind if it’s able to help me.

Also, another problem that I should mention is, in my mind, I tend to think sometimes that if I slip up, I might as well masturbate the ‘whole 9 yards’. This has been a huge problem. Sometimes, like yesterday, I felt like I had to m a certain # of times to have good luck on my next streak. It’s f***** up s***. But this is why I was asking for any advice. From now on though, I’ll try to ignore it and focus on what’s important. Abstaining as much as I possibly can.

The thing is, my brain makes me think I’m triggered or makes me think I was trying to be triggered (by seeing something on tv accidentally or having thoughts) when I wasn’t trying to be triggered. I’m working through it. It has to end. I feel so great when I don’t fap.

 

Yep. I’ll definitely try that. Also, I didn’t get really aroused from it, but since I’m mentioning things that bother me, sometimes (like half an hour ago), I got this ocd about masturbation and obviously I wasn’t going to as I’ve made a vow to forget about it, but my mind tried to get me to do it cause of anxiety and I was sitting there aware of my thing if you know what I mean, I don’t know if I felt pleasure from it but I did not act on it of course, I didn’t feel the rush from dopamine you get In the brain. Is it fine if that ends up happening sometimes as long as I don’t relapse? I didn’t do it to get pleasure, it’s hard to explain because of my ocd.

 

Alright thank you