What about Sexting?

buzz598 · Feb 15, 2020

Hi All,

I am 30 and have been watching porn since I was probably 14 or 15. Specifically, I was always into fetish porn but restricted to some fetishes. During my university years from age of 19-23, i have been in relationships and have multiple one nights stands, however, I have always suffered from PIED (only realised this after finding out about NoFap). Even when I had a girlfriend I could only get excited when we would indulge in fetishes. I couldn't get an erection with anything vanilla. While indulging in fetishes I also noticed that I couldn't stay hard long enough. Now my fetishes seem to be getting more intense.

Fast forward to 2020, my porn habit has now morphed into sexting. I no longer watch porn but find myself constantly trying engaging in sexting conversation with older flings or going on tinder etc.. and finding new women to sext with.

While its easier to just not watch porn, dealing with sexting is very difficult. Over the last few years, I have managed to find 100's of women to sext with. Although after a relapse, I feel guilty and delete all their numbers. I realise that sooner or later when I am on a streak I do get random texts from them. At this point, the trigger is too strong for me to resist.

I've also noticed that when I watched the porn binging was much less as I used to peak and orgasm quickly. But with sexting, this can go on all day, as you exchange sexts throughout the day, many times with women in other timezones. This has to lead me to chase this prolonged high more than just a quick porn watch and orgasm session. This also means that even an app like WhatsApp is not safe for me as all my 'porn' seems to be on it now. I also tend now to spend money on the premium version of these apps to be able to swipe in other regions and find new women, as sexting with the same peroson gets boring and doesn't provide the same high. I also feel guilty that I have to lie to these women, and unlike porn, here there is a real person involved who may develope expectations, that I keep defaulting.

I've tried everything, from a digital detox to minimising my phone usage, to even buying a feature phone. But, unfortunately, I today's time it's difficult to function without a smartphone.

I seem to be doing much better, but I still need help to fully reboot. While I seem to be getting my life on track by building better habits, I do find my self relapsing after a week, which is not helping my PIED at all.

If anyone has experience in beating this. Please help.

Cheers!

slapdad jones · Feb 15, 2020

Is it causing you a problem? If the answer is yes, then stop texting. If you don’t know how, pick a forum and read up! Lott info in here.
I’m sure someone will type you out a nine paragraph answer catered to your problem if you wait long enough.

Deleted Account · Feb 15, 2020

buzz598 said: ↑

Hi All,

I am 30 and have been watching porn since I was probably 14 or 15. Specifically, I was always into fetish porn but restricted to some fetishes. During my university years from age of 19-23, i have been in relationships and have multiple one nights stands, however, I have always suffered from PIED (only realised this after finding out about NoFap). Even when I had a girlfriend I could only get excited when we would indulge in fetishes. I couldn't get an erection with anything vanilla. While indulging in fetishes I also noticed that I couldn't stay hard long enough. Now my fetishes seem to be getting more intense.

Fast forward to 2020, my porn habit has now morphed into sexting. I no longer watch porn but find myself constantly trying engaging in sexting conversation with older flings or going on tinder etc.. and finding new women to sext with.

While its easier to just not watch porn, dealing with sexting is very difficult. Over the last few years, I have managed to find 100's of women to sext with. Although after a relapse, I feel guilty and delete all their numbers. I realise that sooner or later when I am on a streak I do get random texts from them. At this point, the trigger is too strong for me to resist.

I've also noticed that when I watched the porn binging was much less as I used to peak and orgasm quickly. But with sexting, this can go on all day, as you exchange sexts throughout the day, many times with women in other timezones. This has to lead me to chase this prolonged high more than just a quick porn watch and orgasm session. This also means that even an app like WhatsApp is not safe for me as all my 'porn' seems to be on it now. I also tend now to spend money on the premium version of these apps to be able to swipe in other regions and find new women, as sexting with the same peroson gets boring and doesn't provide the same high. I also feel guilty that I have to lie to these women, and unlike porn, here there is a real person involved who may develope expectations, that I keep defaulting.

I've tried everything, from a digital detox to minimising my phone usage, to even buying a feature phone. But, unfortunately, I today's time it's difficult to function without a smartphone.

I seem to be doing much better, but I still need help to fully reboot. While I seem to be getting my life on track by building better habits, I do find my self relapsing after a week, which is not helping my PIED at all.

If anyone has experience in beating this. Please help.

Cheers!
Click to expand...

These behaviors can only flourish in an environment where you are not held accountable, if you had real partner - she would bash your brains in and maybe you would know better before that even happened.
Same goes for porn abuse. You feel absolutely no negative feedback for what you are doing and this allows you to continue, because - what the hell, I have nothing else to do.

Having close intimate partner and close relationships with others people is incredibly healthy - you then know your behavior is transparent and you just cant do stuff your social circle would not accept.
Cost of loosing close social relationships is incredibly high, so you have significant incentive to change behavior.

People fall apart without social support and goals.

buzz598 · Feb 16, 2020

I agree with you, putting up this problem here was my first step towards getting help. Most of the books and info out there is about blocking porn. But sexting is not covered as much. The most simple would be to give up your phone, but that's not practical.

buzz598 · Feb 16, 2020

Ronila said: ↑

These behaviors can only flourish in an environment where you are not held accountable, if you had real partner - she would bash your brains in and maybe you would know better before that even happened.
Same goes for porn abuse. You feel absolutely no negative feedback for what you are doing and this allows you to continue, because - what the hell, I have nothing else to do.

Having close intimate partner and close relationships with others people is incredibly healthy - you then know your behavior is transparent and you just cant do stuff your social circle would not accept.
Cost of loosing close social relationships is incredibly high, so you have significant incentive to change behavior.

People fall apart without social support and goals.
Click to expand...

Thanks. I have realised that I tend to relapse when I have feeling of loneliness. I am trying being more active to find a partner. But I also get anxiety as to how I would explain my PIED to her. So I stuck in a loop. Reboot and find a partner, or find a partner so I can successfully reboot?

Deleted Account · Feb 16, 2020

buzz598 said: ↑

Thanks. I have realised that I tend to relapse when I have feeling of loneliness. I am trying being more active to find a partner. But I also get anxiety as to how I would explain my PIED to her. So I stuck in a loop. Reboot and find a partner, or find a partner so I can successfully reboot?
Click to expand...

Being honest and transparent makes you responsible for everything you say and do. That responsibility forces you to face your problems and problems of others.
We have grown in to society where everyone lies, everyone deceives, everyone presents themselves as pure success and happiness, and then go back to depression once noone is around.
Eventually they do not want to put on the mask of happiness, and isolate themselves, with lack of social support, none can help to guide them towards what needs to be done, and people loose sense of what they should be doing, what has meaning, they enter deep depression.
This is a typical story for allot of people - especially current generation.

People avoid responsibility, like a plague.

You know you need to find a partner, you are responsible for that, and yet you avoid that responsibility, because "insert any reason you like".
You are responsible for keeping yourself in shape and well fed and emotionally happy - and you avoid that responsibility.

When responsible people face problems, they take ownership and find way to fix it, and they also tend to keep everyone else accountable, because that is also their responsibility.
These people enjoy success and people respect them, because they do not lie to others or themselves, they find the cause of issues, name responsible parties and take decisive actions to fix them.

if you have partner or friend that has a sense of responsibility for you, they will not tell you "its ok, just be who you are" they will tell you "you suck, you have to do better" that is the best thing you can do.
I hate to see kids fail at some task and parents and everyone around them phrase them - ohh great job!
No, you failed child, you lost, go learn to do it better.
Never phrase someone for being a looser.

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What about Sexting?

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