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Advice on talking to a girl

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Coco99, Feb 18, 2020.

  1. Coco99

    Coco99 Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys. I need some help. I'm an introvert and I have a hard time holding a conversation. So I met this girl at my boxing class back in November and we would see each other in class almost everyday. Sometimes we were partners for some fun sparring etc. Sometimes I feel she is just comfortable with me as I'm like the only guy she says hey how are you etc to. She even joked around saying "I'm going to kick your balls if you don't move back". Anyways, I didn't see her for 2 months. yesterday she came back after 2 months. When I saw her she was extremely happy and wished me new year. I was like where you been and she just joked and said eating donuts. She even asked if I have a sparring partner for yesterdays class but too bad I said yes to someone else. She is someone who would come usually a few minutes late to class and straight away head to the change room without talking to anyone. Sort of like strictly business type of girl. She doesn't talk much either but when she does its mostly with me and we will have a quick line or 2 in between sessions. I just need help to somehow ask for for her number this way I can text over phone or whatsapp. I usually have a hard time carrying a conversation so stopping her right after the workout to chit chat won't work for me. I am in my element when I text, so if I find a way to get her number I would be good. How would you guys approach this? I'm just scared I might come out wrong if I ask her randomly. I was thinking something along the lines of "When are you coming next? you should give me your number this way I can prevent you from eating donuts?"
     
    Last edited: Feb 18, 2020
    | Nico | likes this.
  2. Metis07

    Metis07 Fapstronaut

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    Hi @Coco99
    Probably ask her out during your sparring session with her, especially if (when) there is enough noise or the others are too far to hear (in order not to put her in an uncomfortable position for an answer, you now what I mean).

    Also I won't think a lot about 'perfect phrase', there is none, when the appropriate moment comes tell her just what you think is OK at the exact moment, you will know better
    (or just ask if she is available this evening and if she is, suggest to go somewhere, I just don't believe that you need this 'perfect phrase').
     
    Last edited: Feb 18, 2020
    | Nico | and Coco99 like this.
  3. thelightfantastic

    thelightfantastic Fapstronaut

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    If you want my advice, you’d ask her where you can get good donuts and if she’d join you? And that opens up a dialogue around getting her number to arrange it. It might be your age but you cant trade text for sitting and chatting with somone, if you’re shy, just remember: Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained

    good luck pal
     
  4. Coco99

    Coco99 Fapstronaut

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    I was thinking the same, maybe during one of our sparring sessions. I forgot her name as well so its hard to call her out when she is leaving. I am a bit nervous about getting rejected if I ask her out directly. I feel like she would be more open to giving me her number if I ease in saying" we can workout together or push each other or something".
     
    | Nico | and the awakening like this.
  5. Coco99

    Coco99 Fapstronaut

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    That would be a good line to start the conversation. No I know I just feel like texts eases me in. Usually I always go out on dates after texting for a week or 2. It's sort of a buffer before the real thing.
     
    | Nico | likes this.
  6. Metis07

    Metis07 Fapstronaut

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    If you just want to get laid (but I don't think that's the case) you can be cool/alpha/funny and try to find some 'perfect phrases' and you will very probable be successful.
    With age (lol) I am starting to understand that being yourself (and finding out who you really are) is a very great thing, so say what you want/feel at moment you find appropriate (of course you can think about what you want to ask her in advance).
    It's a great exercise to kill your fear of calling out women (I have the same issue), so I advice to ask her out in person and don't try to get her number as soon as possible.
    Good luck
     
  7. Anakin66

    Anakin66 Fapstronaut

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    @Coco99 sorry but you are already in the friend zone. You are introverted, so was I. Here is the trick, you have to dig deep to be more of an ambivert (50/50). Go out of your comfort zone, a la texting, and invite her (don't ask) for a cup of coffee since in you are in the friend zone. It's better to meet her at the café, don't go with her. Announce that you have to leave in half hour when you greet her, you have a life. Your job is to ask her fun questions about herself, her interests, you do less talking and more listening. Then after 25 mins, prep to leave. Tell her it was fun and that you should have dinner (about a week after, have a time and place already planned). If she's not available, then ask for her number to communicate a mutual time for dinner.
    You have to signal your intent from the start. Otherwise women will box you in the friend zone. If she is not interested, then so be it move along and find another interest (it will save you in the long run).

    If you manage to date this girl, you can let your 50% introverted side show and she will appreciate it, just not at the beginning.

    Good luck!
     
  8. Metis07

    Metis07 Fapstronaut

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    We don't know this
    Script for getting laid, lol
    Then be ready to do the same thing for the next 50 years during your marriage with her:D
    I agree that every guy should know such information (to invite, not to ask, less talking, more listening) and probably use it, but not so strictly.
    Just be yourself and have some fun (and I believe that inside you are a confident man, who understands that she is not a prize and you mustn't win her and probably true 'you' would do exact things what @Anakin66 is talking about without any hesitation or thinking)
     
    | Nico |, Pure Taste, PeterBE and 2 others like this.
  9. Coco99

    Coco99 Fapstronaut

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    I'm not sure if I am. Heck we don't even know each others name yet. Im the type of guy would would use 1 or 2 lines to make a jokes. Like for instance, last time she was getting tired from sparring and I was like you need to start running on the treadmill. She was like "Uhh I hate you, I'm going to punch you for real now".
     
    | Nico | likes this.
  10. Coco99

    Coco99 Fapstronaut

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    Yeah you are right. You just have to be yourself and your own element. I am normally not really good with words. With this girl when we do have a brief 1 or 2 liners our eyes do lock up and like we smile. I feel like there is some sort of comfort she has with me but then again girls can be very unpredictable.
     
    | Nico | likes this.
  11. Metis07

    Metis07 Fapstronaut

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    Also (it's easier to say than done) in case if you go out try to analyze her behavior and information you get from her in order to understand if she is a girlfriend material for you (do not focus on how to make her like you by everything you do/say). You are equal, even she should be interested in finding a long term relationship more (because of age for childbearing).
    I really want you to forget about all what is said here and just do it, don't overthink ;)
     
    | Nico | and Coco99 like this.
  12. Coco99

    Coco99 Fapstronaut

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    Well its a boxing gym. So Typically there is an instructor and bunch guys and maybe 2/3 girls. The ratio typically is 12 guys and 2 girls. So we all have to partner up each time as one person needs to hold the pads.I don't think I'm friend-zoned either as we are not really even friends lol. I forgot her name from when we first met. Don't think she remembers mine either. I suck at remembering names, if she told me again now I probably will remember because she caught my attention.She is probably 25ish .It's so hard to really spark up a conversation at the gym because people are usually just focused on working out. She is not someone who talks to with everyone. She usually comes in a few minutes late to class and would be the first one to leave the gym. She is in her zone most of the time. When we partner up for sparring(back and fourth punches to the body only). We also partner up for holding pads and stuff like that. Typically we gather in circles and the next closest person would look at each other and partner up so sometimes its a hit or miss. One day she just came straight to me and asked if I have a partner(she doesn't talk to a lot guys and since we started around the same time she has that familiarity with me).She always smiles and we lock eyes. When we do have those 1 or 2 liners, I tend to sometimes back off pretending I'm in a rush to go get the pads/ water bottle. I hate close conversation. Today after 2 months I saw her and she was like OMG long time no see with a smile and then I just gave her a high five(I was like maybe I should of went for a side hug after). After our class I thought about going up to her and chat walk with her but then I wimped out. I don't understand why she comes late for class everytime though(maybe she doesn't like being surrounded by guys)
     
    | Nico | and Pure Taste like this.
  13. achilles996

    achilles996 Fapstronaut

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    Sounds like you are overthinking this, my friend. I cannot conceive of any woman who would interact with a man in the way that you've described who would not want his number. In my experience, women tend to give you fairly clear indications of interest (e.g. the excitement she showed when she saw you) or they treat you as if you are the furniture. Since she seemed to be flirting with you, just hit her up for her number. It honestly doesn't matter what you say. She has already made up her mind about whether she wants to go on a date with you. If you are too shy or use a pick-up line, that can only backfire. Seriously, I've tried that and it it's never worth it. After your next class, just go up to her and say, "Man, that was a great workout. I want to try out this new restaurant/bar/coffee shop in town (or see X movie or go mini-golfing or whatever--just have a plan). Make sure you speak clearly, make-eye contact and SMILE. Seriously. Demeanor matters SO MUCH MORE in getting a woman to say yes than worrying about words.
     
  14. Coco99

    Coco99 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks dude. I really needed this. I am overthinking it. I keep telling myself I need to focus my attention on myself instead of thinking about how she would react or making a fool out of myself. I think I just need to stay in the moment and turn my focus on the conversation and not think about the "what ifs"
     
    | Nico | and Metis07 like this.
  15. Anakin66

    Anakin66 Fapstronaut

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    Exactly why you have to try to go out with her in a more neutral setting. If you think she is flirting with you (doesn't seem so to me), then that's half the work. I don't want to make you overthink this, but she might be approaching you precisely because she thinks you are more friendly than the other guys. Hence me lobbying for you to just take her out pronto and cut to the chase.
     
    | Nico |, Pure Taste and Coco99 like this.
  16. Coco99

    Coco99 Fapstronaut

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    UPDATE: So I panicked guys. I did however catch her right after class. I ended up talking to her for like 10 minutes after class. When we were leaving I was like , "so you going to come more often?" and we started to chat for a bit. My anxiety level just spiked, all I was thinking in my head was "what's am I going to say next" while she was talking away(she did probably like 80% of the talking while I asked a few questions). I was able to maintain eye contact for the most part. I didn't get her number but at least I went a step further by being able to maintaining a conversation for 10-15 minutes after class. I felt really sad that I couldn't bridge to the number part or talk about something other than gym. It definitely felt awkward but I guess you have to put yourself in awkward places in order to get comfortable and lower social anxiety. Next time I will try to build on this somehow.
     
  17. Anakin66

    Anakin66 Fapstronaut

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    Sounds like progress. Keep working on it.
     
  18. thelightfantastic

    thelightfantastic Fapstronaut

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    Yes mate! keep going, she clearly likes you so I’m sure she’d be open to an invitation, even just an invitation as a friend at first before you can gauge if she’d like to take things further is she on social media? You could add and message her there. Keep us updated
     
    | Nico | and Coco99 like this.
  19. Coco99

    Coco99 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks man!
     
    Anakin66 likes this.
  20. Coco99

    Coco99 Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, I felt comfortable knowing that she talks to me the most out of everyone there. I just have to take the next step and build off this momentum I guess. I don't yet know if she has social media. I wanted to ask for her number somehow but I couldn't think of a bridge question on the spot.
     

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