Accountability for All

Just getting started and looking for a consistent group of people that I can rely on for support and offer advice as well. My goal is to abstain from all types of porn (full on porn and social media), masturbation, and physical sex with my partner for 30 days and hopefully continue to a 90 day reboot.

 

Am on day 1 too, long journey ahead indeed

 

Iam on day 6.
The first 3 days it was like hell, because thats my first nofap since 16 years first time that i do no pmos longer than 3 days!

 

I just went 24 hours for the first time in many months. Congrats on your success. I'm just glad to have found this site. I've got nobody for support and I need to feel accountable like I'm not alone.
Best to you !

 

Worked 14 hours yesterday so no time to check in but felt greAt, this morning was a bit fucked though in my normal environment for looking at escorts on phone I know I do it and was looking for a massage I’m really sore from this week, quickly lead to looking at massages with happy ending. Booked one and almost managed to convince myself that’s ok, but went to meditate and said no this is an inflamed brain and from a young bullied child that day doesnt exist anymore cancelled the booking and feel great for doing it, I beat my environment and the dopemine craving

 

I am severely addicted.. with inc fetish.. iv almost destroyed myself.. its like a OCD now.. if i dont givein to my desires. I start getting all nervous and sometimes also get trembling feeling inside.. im v depressed. Please help

 

Fuck had first hurdle in the road at work an environment where I am by myself a lot and started looking at seeking profiles, I should have stopped there but again the inflamed mind you can look at a few profiles and not go down the rabbit hole sure enough that leads to escort profiles see a hardcore one that matches what I like and then struggling not to make a booking. She had an only fans account I’ve never done that before but thought $15 to watch 40 vids is better than paying $200 to see her and actually complete the behaviour so did that instead, stupid logic and disappointed with myself but I will learn from it, getting better and seeing the lies in the self talk. So counter to be reset had done 8 days today dam

 

I just relapsed on day two. Am sure my streak will be longer this time

 

Past 3 days sucked. Urges were horrible, the semen leakage started back due to the urges these past 2 days. Not too long ago, I had to pee and felt extremely stiff and it burnt like hell when I went. It was super painful. Sometimes I've had really painful forms of retrograde ejacs, but this one stung. I don't get it, I'm trying my best not to lose it, but my body is doing everything to get rid of it.

 

So guys I am back.I haven't posted for awhile because I have been binging.But I got back up currently on day 3

 

I was assaulted by a supervisor at work NINE years ago... I froze during the assault .. .. brain betrayed me and I couldn't protect myself. Been severely fucked up since. Life is horrible. .. I average three to five days without sleep.
I isolate really bad. Only human contact most weeks is the two hours I spend in therapy.
I'm filled with shame for not being able to function as an adult anymore.
I don't even go to church or AA anymore because people violate my personal space even when I ask them not to ... and constantly telling people I don't want to shake their hands ... and to not touch me. .. it gets old feeling like I'm defective.
I just stay home.
Left to my own devises I watch porn and masterbate.
I'm trying to do other things ... like get my house in order, but nothing really matters to me anymore.
Don't really want to be here .

 

I just want to say I feel for you.
Being addicted sucks.
I can't do anything in moderation.
Drink , drugs are out ... fighting self harm and depression over not being able to control sexual urges.
I hook up with guys I find on line , too... within an hour I'll be in a motel room fucking some stranger.
I hate myself after but I want to feel "loved". I know they don't love me .... what kind of since does that make?
Anyway, you are not alone.
I hope you're doing ok ! Hang in there !

 

I think that a lot of my fetishes are psychological insecurities that have to do with trauma which is great that I'm learning. Well the leakage really sucked today, urges still caused it despite not touching, AND I don't really have much energy or drive left in me if any. NoFap has only ever gone backwards for me since the first month I started. It's horrible I tell you. Not even a cheap laugh from Family Guy or South Park can brighten my mood. Everything I once loved and cared for is suddenly turning against me trying to get that 2 second dopamine rush.

Even working out I have to be extra careful now not to think of old gay porn actors I used to fap too. Those memories started to come back and it sucks. Almost all of the things I have watched and beat it too are just completely crashing down on me and it sucks. Now I think the best option is to just give up. None of the things that aren't the evil trinity even give me the same joy they used too. Even though I kind of laughed at Comedy Central's Justin Bieber roast, I didn't laugh that much. The old me would be rolling on the floor at that.

 

Day 3 done. Did a lot of thinking of why I keep failing. I think it is because of poor habits/waiting for the motivation vs being disciplined. Started fixing that yesterday. Also, planning on running everyday as well.

 

I think the running is a great idea.
Here I've got three dogs who are ALWAYS willing to go out for run or walk ... and not just willing , but excited about it! You gave me good idea. I'm in same boat as you with zero motivation or discipline.
Best of luck ... keep us posted and I will too.

 

This morning I had another wet dream again. I'm starting to see a specific pattern of when I get them. Usually when I wake up earlier than usual. Oddly enough I can remember pretty well what these dreams were about too.

 

Day 1, I suck at this, but i'll learn constantly, let's go!