Jagliana's Journal | An S.O's perspective

DAY 753: 02/20/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Full night's sleep.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, Wade and I watched Lewis Howes's new documentary "Chasing Greatness" which was about him and what made him the man he has become today. It was quite enlightening and interesting to watch/learn about him and how he became the great man I know him to be, today. Wade, kind of had some idea, because he had read the books, but most of the information in this documentary was new to me and I loved it. It was difficult to stay up though because I was super tired from the sleepless night I had before and my mood was off because of all of the circulating thoughts still in my head from the last few days, but the movie did help distract me from those.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “The Right Way: The Art of Setting Goals", in this episode, we learn about the art of setting goals so you can set goals the right way. Remember, average people have hopes and wishes. Successful people have goals and plans.

This morning, Wade has been stuck at work... and I have been stuck with the little one (yeah~ for winter break ) and it is not even the afternoon yet and I am already going to mentally combust. She is driving me banana's because she is just being a 5-year-old, then my printer is on the fritz and continues to print in only gray, no matter what I do, oh and just to add insult to injury Facebook messenger has gone blank and won't load on my PC or Mac, with no way to reach Facebook other than writing a ticket and waiting 10 years FML. UGH.

Today is going to be a freakin' long-ass, overwhelming and exhausting day.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Surviving this morning, somehow.

#Motivational
Jim Rohn: Master Goal Setting

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-------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 754: 02/21/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Wade.
---------------------------------------------------

First of all, I want to say, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to @Wade W. Wilson; I love you and you know I wish you good health, love, happiness and wealth!


Last night, we watched some TV as he gave me a foot rub. I told him he didn't have to do it, again because he worked all day and was tired, but he did it anyway. I appreciated it and it really helped with my pain/stress.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “The Secrets To The Awesome Power Of Gratitude", in this episode, we learn all about the awesome power of gratitude. Remember, be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more, if you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough.

This morning, the little one woke up and was ready to celebrate Wade's birthday. She got dressed for a party and wanted to set up the table with all of his gifts and cards that she had prepared for him. Our eldest wasn't feeling too well, so before Wade even got home, she met him downstairs so he could take her to the doctors - turns out, now she has strep, sigh. After all that jazz, he got home and we gave him his gifts, which was fun and then we had to take the girls to get their passports done. Afterward, we had a birthday lunch to celebrate, we all had a good time. There were, of course, some triggers there, but what else is new? it is what it is at this point.

Tonight, we plan on having a date night at home, to have our own micro celebration - movie, chocolates, strawberries, and wine. I just hope Wade ends up having a pleasant birthday, that is all I want for him.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Minor triggers around, but I was able to let them pass.

#Motivational
Two words that can change your life

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-------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 755: 02/22/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Wade being there.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, we "continued" his birthday celebration, but not how I would have ever imagined it. I really wanted him to have a good, relaxing and pleasant birthday. However, between my daughter's strep diagnosis and whatever is going on behind my head - be it a... cyst, abscess, boil, lymph node or who the hell knows... began causing severe pain throughout my neck... to the point where turning was excruciating. He tried to make me as comfortable as possible and calm my nerves by explaining that he still had a good birthday because he got to spend it with me and feels so lucky about it. I understand what he is saying, but I still feel like my issues really got in the way of how I wanted to make sure he had a happy birthday.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “There Is No Competition When You Refuse To Be Outworked", in this episode, Will Smith explains why there is no competition when you refuse to be outworked. Remember, to have what most others don't you must be willing to work like most others won't.

This morning, instead of going with our set plan for the day... ie: skipping our morning walk so we can go in the afternoon and play our game... my neck was really on the fritz. I was up at 2 am with a severe panic attack, doing breathing exercises and taking panic disorder meds. In the morning, Wade and I were debating whether to go to the ER or Urgent Care for whatever it is I have while suffering through panic attack number 2. We decided to go with Urgent Care because I was afraid that the ER would go crazy with tests and want to go to the doomsday type scenario first. Well, I'm not sure if Urgent Care was the better choice, the doctor. I got was lazy and wanted to get out of the room asap, he barely touched my neck, I feel more pressure when I or Wade touches it and told me I might have something called "Cellulitis" and prescribed me some antibiotics and pain killers. He said if it doesn't get better within a week, to go see a doctor again... (duh). Hopefully Monday, Wade will call and use his manly persuasion to get me a same-day appointment to my dermatologist and perhaps I will get better results/explanations with her.

Now I am mopping around in unreal pain, keeping as much of it to myself as possible because I am not a fan of annoying/bothering people with my problems.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Loved finding comfort in Wade's arms.

#Motivational
Things about Relationships I wish someone told me about

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-------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

Thank you so much @JustADude, I appreciate your words, there were a lot of uphill struggles but somehow we made it through, I am surprised myself that we are, where we are today.

When you say a link to a summary of my marriage story, do you mean my intro post and add some updates about where we are now?

 

Gotchya! that's a great idea, I can definitely do something like that, so thank you for the suggestion, I appreciate it and again for all of your kind words, I hope that my story could help inspire others, even as I/we continue on this journey and work through our individual and relationship struggles as they come, there's always a lot of work to do, but for where we are now, as a couple - it's worth that effort and persistence.

 

DAY 756: 02/23/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Wade.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, I was feeling worse and began getting chills, checked my fever and I had one. We went to the ER, where we ended up spending over 6 hours. They hooked me up to an IV and gave me a painkiller which helped a lot, then antibiotics and a CT scan of my head/neck were done and my goodness it was freezing there. They told me that I had a swollen lymph node at the back of my neck/hairline with an infected sebaceous cyst on it, which was the cause of all of the pain, stiffness, etc. It was a really long, painful and exhausting ordeal, but I have to say I was so grateful to have Wade by my side for all of it. Having him there, being able to lay on him, holding his hand really gave me comfort, some ease and reminded me I was not alone - which helped with my fears, stress and panic attacks. We got home a little after 4 am and I actually fell asleep pretty quickly.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Why Some People Succeed Where Others Fail", in this episode, John Maxwell explains why some people succeed where others fail. Remember, don't wish things were easier, wish you were better.

This morning, my parents came in early to sit with the kids, so Wade and I could catch up on some sleep after spending all night in the ER, which was nice. After I woke up, I didn't wake him up so that he could rest longer. I took all the medicine that I needed to so that I could function but I was having a difficult time getting myself grounded due to the feeling really overwhelmed between my kids (noise) and an onslaught of questions and 'advice' from my dad. After Wade got up, my parents left and then it has just been a relaxing/lazy day, which I needed so that I can decompress. I know I am sick and at the moment probably shouldn't be concerning myself with this, but I can not help it, I feel shitty because I am out of balance with my daily walks/routine.

I got a lovely message/suggestion from @JustADude and I will put together the story of where Wade and I started and where we are today, once I am totally healed up and can concentrate on that. Thanks again for the suggestion.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
A little bit more mobility around my neck, with pain meds, makes me happy.

#Motivational
The Reason Why Most People Fail - Don't Make This Mistake

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-------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 757: 02/24/2019

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Pain meds.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, I was still in a lot of pain and instead of getting better, it was actually growing and getting worse. We ended up calling my dermatologist (off-hour emergency call) and she told me I needed to get the cyst drained asap by a derm and not to waste time going back to the ER. To give me some comfort, Wade soothed me with a foot rub while we watched some TV. We paused for a few minutes to talk about some of the thoughts I've been having about my cyst, having to possibly have a new scar and any physical changes (cosmetic) -- how it is making me feel and how I think he may perceive me.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Know Thyself: You Are Your Only Limit", in this episode, we have an inspirational reminder that you are your only limit. Remember, the mind that perceives the limitation is the limitation.

This morning, we made an impromptu appointment to my dermatologists 'guy', aka another dermatologist who covers for her when she is out. We went there and he told us he would numb the area, but maybe he forgot because he did not and told me "this will hurt, get ready". Boy, did it hurt, I took the pain as best as I could, unfortunately, he wasn't able to drain much, because nothing was coming out to his and his assistants surprise. He said he got enough to do a culture, but not much else for such a large cyst. Anyhow, I won't go too detailed into it because it is nasty but right now it hurts like a motherf*cker. Now all I could do is rest and follow the wound care procedure until my follow up with my derm. I really do appreciate Wade being there for me, I know how difficult it is to watch someone you love suffer and not having much to do about it, as it is out of your control.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
I appreciated Wade being by my side.

#Motivational
SELF CARE - Powerful Study Motivation

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-------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 758: 02/25/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Alone time with Wade.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, we finally found a way to bandage my head, without the use of body tape on my hair - which was giving me so much pain every time I had to change the dressing. Then, Wade started to feel out of it, throat hurting again and after checking himself, he had a low-grade fever starting... he just got better and finished his antibiotics last week and now he might have strep again, ugh. It's like - when it rains, it pours. We watched some TV and then headed to bed.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How To Improve Self Control And Discipline", in this episode, we get some great tips on how to improve self-control and discipline. Remember, self-discipline begins with the mastery of your thoughts. If you don't control what you think, you can't control what you do.

This morning, since both Wade and I are 'out for the count', all we did was drop off the kids at school, stop by CVS for some more bandages and head back home to do nothing but unwind/rest.

I hope all of us feel better soon, this month has been rough for our family, healthwise.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
No triggers.

#Motivational
The 7 Secrets to Mastering Self Control

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-------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 759: 02/26/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Neck feeling a little better.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, well... Wade has strep again, I'm still in pain and our whole house feels like a hospital... so we just did nothing, other than take meds, watch some tv and head to bed.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Betting On Yourself Is The Pathway That Will Lead You To Success", in this episode, Freddy Fri talks about the importance of betting on yourself. Remember, stop being afraid of what could go wrong and get excited about what could go right!

This morning has been just like all of the other mornings this week, unbalanced, unhappy that I can't walk and neither can Wade. It's going to be another day of resting, healing up and hoping to feel better soon, for us all. I do have to say, I don't feel as disconnected from Wade, as I usually get during sickness, it's a good thing but it's weird because we can't really kiss, touch each other or do any of our activities that build our connection - maybe it's because we've really been there for each other? I don't know if he feels the same way though.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
That I've regained a little more neck mobility.

#Motivational
Bet On Yourself

---------------------------------------------------

-------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 760: 02/27/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Wade.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, we didn't speak much, both of us are still recovering from our various illnesses. We continued to watch TV, pausing in-between to discuss various points (something we do now) about the characters, their emotions and our interpretations of their actions.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How To Develop A Strong Work Ethic", in this episode, we hear from Mark Cuban on how to develop a strong work ethic. Remember, work hard in silence, let your success make the noise.

This morning, we decided to run a quick shopping errand, on the way to and from, we began listening to "How to Get ATTENTION & Close SALES Online" an interview with Billy Gene, on Ed Mylett's show. Billy Gene is one of the world's leading digital marketing advertisers! we are only 25 minutes in but so far he has been full of great advice and tips, that are actually doable and nothing is out of reach if you just go for it. Then we got home and I needed help washing my hair, because of the cyst/medication I needed to have my hand cover the wound while he washes the rest of it. I appreciate having Wade here to help me, I don't know what I would do without him. The only downside of that; to me, is I feel so unappealing/unattractive in these vulnerable times/moments. He tells me there is nothing to worry about, but I can't help it, I don't want to leave any lasting imprints in his mind, it's a big fear of mine - especially given our kind of history and all of the eye candy all over the place. Plus, I still feel unbalanced because my routine has really been tossed aside due to all these illnesses, it really sucks, I just want things to go back to 'normal' soon.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Regained a little more mobility.

#Motivational
Develop an Insane WORK ETHIC

---------------------------------------------------

-------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 761: 02/28/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, we didn't talk much, we watched tv as he gave me a foot rub - pausing in-between to discuss both the show (deep dive) and also Wade's reaction to our eldest and how I see it, and how I think it will affect her if he does not change his ways. Then we went to bed and both of us actually slept decently!

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How To Improve At Pursuing Your Dreams In 7 Minutes", in this episode, Isaiah Hankel gives some encouraging words about pursuing your dreams. Remember, chase dreams, not people.

This morning, we actually walked! it felt so good to get some normalcy/balance back, especially since it will cut short again, soon enough. During our walk, we finished listening to "How to Get ATTENTION & Close SALES Online" an interview with Billy Gene, on Ed Mylett's show. Billy Gene is one of the world's leading digital marketing advertisers and this interview really was made for note-taking, so much good advice was packed in here, worth a listen for everyone. One point that I thought was so good and invaluable, was this: "Take a blank piece of paper and I want you to draw a giant capitalized letter T... on the left-hand side I want you to write the word 'problem' on the right-hand side I want you to write the word 'solution' then at the very bottom I want you to put 'audience' (who specifically is your ideal customer; how old are they, what TV shows do they watch, what gender are they, what color are they, what bars would they probably be hanging out at) and then ask yourself one question 'what are the top ten problems that those people are facing?' and literally go through and write them out the top ten problems that-that exact person is facing and then a solution on the right side (the way your product/your solution solves them) and guess what? you just have content for ten days and then you know what you do for the next ten days; go through the same problems and give them a different way to solve it because there's more than one way to skin a cat." -- something I think Wade will start doing for his stuff. Then since we still had some time left we began listening to "How To Heal Your Past & Love Yourself Again" an interview with Jada Pinkett Smith, on, On Purpose with Jay Shetty. They sit down and discuss how her childhood shaped her in good and bad ways. After leaving home for Los Angeles at age 18, Jada had to learn how to allow herself to lay down her ego and live with an open heart, how she developed the unique ability to take any life experience and find the good in it. We didn't get too far into it, but I wish I had the ability to set emotions aside and think straight. We will finish the rest soon (I hope!).

The rest of the day will be a lazy/cleaning type of day until the kids get back from school and the headache will begin lol

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Hair looked shiny and good today.

#Relationships
How to Love After Being Hurt

---------------------------------------------------

-------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 762: 02/29/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, we actually laid down to talk, something we haven't been able to do in quite some time (due to my neck and his illness). It was nice, all of yesterday was a day of 'back to normalcy', a good balance. We discussed our day, his feelings about seeing women being objectified on TV, and our daughter. He also brought up the fact that even though we aren't able to be physically intimate these past few weeks... he hasn't had any urges, temptations or even remote thoughts about P, M or PM - which I think is wonderful, for him and our relationship. He brings up the fact that all of those beautiful/sexy and barely dressed women on tv just 'don't do it' for him anymore and recently, I'm becoming more inclined to believe him until I get triggered in RL; which sucks.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Just Being Yourself Is The One Thing You Were Born An Expert At", in this episode, we're reminded that just being yourself is the one thing you were born an expert at. Remember, the most important role you'll ever play is just being you.

This morning, we continued listening to "How To Heal Your Past & Love Yourself Again" an interview with Jada Pinkett Smith, on, On Purpose with Jay Shetty. For the most part, it was decent and she made a few good points about embracing your "shadow" aka demons that follow you, instead of trying to run from them or hide them away. We were pausing a lot of in-between, talking about the subject at hand as well as other stuff. We spent a lot of time discussing the concept of seeking physical validation from your partner versus having it for yourself. Wade believes that if I was more positive, had more self-esteem, etc about myself when I look in the mirror, that would also change how I think he feels about me. I explained that in our situation all of that is a little different. I am not seeking validation on whether or not I am beautiful to the world/myself from him - that was never my confusion the whole "well, I'm definitely ugly because he doesn't think I'm beautiful". Whether or not he thinks I am beautiful - makes no difference in how I feel about my 'beauty' in general terms like on a scale of 1-10 compared to the world. There have been many times where I've seen him ogle someone and thought "wow, really?! you are giving THAT chick attention when you have me right next to you?!", in our case, I feel that when it comes to him/us, my relationship is not on secure ground because; whether or not I think I am beautiful, I am not sure if at the end of the day I am who he prefers (based on whom he had been ogling for over 12 years). Who wants to be in a relationship where they feel unwanted by their partner? or uncertain of that fact... no one. So, for me, it's not about physical validation, instead, it is about being at a place (internally) where I feel safe and secure in where he stands when it comes to wanting me on all levels but especially; physically, because if I'm not, my fear is, that he might go back to his old ways eventually - when he realizes what he doesn't have/really wants OR my triggers will just never stop which is just as bad. I know he keeps telling me that I am his type, 'always was' etc., but I don't feel it in my gut and that plays a huge role in how I feel/perceive what he is telling me these days, no matter how good it feels to hear or how much I want to believe him. I don't know how to wake that gut feeling up, how long it could take or if it will ever happen at all. Everything is there; like I feel that he is being honest, that he lovely me just as much as I love him, but this one factor is still not there for me. Either way, I think it was a good and productive conversation, although we are coming at it with different opinions.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
No triggers today.

#Relationships
Be Yourself

---------------------------------------------------

-------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 763: 03/01/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Doctors.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, we laid low, watched some tv as he gave me a foot rub, before heading to bed.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How To Deal With Making Sacrifices In Life", in this episode, we have an inspiring message from Walter Bond about making sacrifices in life in order to achieve your goals. Remember, if you don't sacrifice for what you want, what you want becomes the sacrifice.

This morning, the little one had a high fever, so off to the pediatrician, Wade went. She has strep, it's like the running plague in our household this month, jeez. Today is going to be a lazy day for us until his parents stop by for a visit in the afternoon. Wade warned them about the strep going around here, but they still insisted on coming (so at their own risk!). Hopefully, that will go smoothly, so Wade and I won't end up nursing bad headaches as a result. Tomorrow I have my appointment, hoping that the doctor won't have to make a new cut or open this one too much, I really don't want to have more neck pain for another week again, fingers crossed.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
The wound area seemingly feels better.

#Relationships
SACRIFICE

---------------------------------------------------

-------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

You are more than welcome to share it!~

 

DAY 764: 03/02/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, we again just decompressed with a foot rub and some TV. Wade said he was feeling a lot of drain/overwhelm being released from his mind, sort of in the way that I have felt after events where I am anxious and my body gets tensed up, then once the event passes it all gets released and you feel like you've been hit by a truck/weak. He says watching me suffer in pain this past week - must have really taken a heavy toll on him, now seeing me with some relief, his brain is finally releasing all of that stress and tension, well, at least that's what I'm assuming based on my own experience, hopefully all of us will feel better soon.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How You Create Your Own Future With Your Thoughts", in this episode, Dr. Joe Dispenza explains how you create your own future with your own thoughts. Remember, the best way to predict your future is to create it.

This morning, Wade and our eldest had a bit of an incident [aka blowout] where they both got triggered, loud and overreacted. They both, but especially Wade, should know better at this point and realize when it's time to walk away instead of escalating the situation. Never the less, we dropped off the girls at school and then went to the mall to walk. During our walk, we began listening to "The Secret to Ending Mental Illness" an interview with Dr. Daniel Amen, on Health Theory with Tom Bilyeu. Daniel Amen is called “America’s favorite psychiatrist” and is absolutely dedicated to improving everyone’s brain health, eliminating the stigma surrounding mental illnesses, and reducing psychiatry’s reliance on pharmaceuticals as a method of first resort. During this interview Daniel talks about the end of mental illness, how he believes the stigma surrounding mental illness comes from misunderstanding, what he recommends is never pharmaceuticals, Tom and Daniel discuss meditation and neurofeedback, how your body responds to every single thought you have, why is hypnosis so powerful? he explains how to use hypnosis effectively, how hypnosis allows you to deal with trauma in a place that’s completely safe, how he believes that we carry memories from our ancestors, he describes a good diet for brain health, he explains why a hyperbaric oxygen chamber can help with brain health, how not to believe every stupid thing you think! how to create good “tiny brain habits”, then Daniel asks everyone he works with to start with the “one-page miracle”. Before we started listening and midway through, we paused because Wade wanted to talk about the incident with our daughter, so we broke it down and rationalized it. I tried to look at it from both his and her perspectives and make some sense of it all, and maybe come up with better ways of handling her in the future. He thanked me for being there for him, being a place to share and vent his frustrations - something neither of us would have bothered with in the past in similar situations. I am happy we are in a place like this, where communication is everything for both of us and neither of us reacts to the opinions of the other - in a way that we would have in the past; aka - explosively, angrily, ignoring or indifferent.

Later today I have my doctor's appointment, hoping for the best!

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Had a few minor triggers, but got past them.

#Motivational
How Your Thoughts Are Connected To Your Future

---------------------------------------------------

-------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 765: 03/03/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Spending time alone with Wade.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, we again watched some tv as he gave me a foot rub, then we went to sleep. We were breathing a little easier because my doctor told me that she thinks my wound will heal on its own, without her having to dig back into it.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Do Things That Make You Happy", in this episode, Brendon Burchard talks with us about why you must do things that make you happy, and stop doing things that don't. Remember, do more of what makes you happy, and less of that which does not.

This morning, we finished listening to "The Secret to Ending Mental Illness" an interview with Dr. Daniel Amen, on Health Theory with Tom Bilyeu. Daniel Amen is called “America’s favorite psychiatrist” and is absolutely dedicated to improving everyone’s brain health, eliminating the stigma surrounding mental illnesses, and reducing psychiatry’s reliance on pharmaceuticals as a method of first resort. During the rest of this interview he talks about the end of mental illness begins with a revolution in brain health, he describes some toxins that you might not be aware of, of the 11 major risk factors for brain illness, being overweight includes five, how eating unhealthy food is not a reward - it’s a punishment. Finally, Daniel describes the number one thing we do to damage our health. Then we went on our weekly grocery run, stayed under budget which is always a good thing. We spoke here and there, it is nice when we have a sense of normalcy again, I really find peace in it. I hope the weather stays decent so that tomorrow we could go on our morning walk and get back into a good routine... with that and perhaps diet will follow too.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Feeling better today (wound).

#Motivational
Quit The Wrong Thing Now

---------------------------------------------------

-------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------