Jagliana's Journal | An S.O's perspective

DAY 766: 03/04/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, we laid in bed for a bit to talk about our day. We were a bit sad that Wade had to go back to work, but still happy that for the most part, we go back into a good routine again, our normal routine. Then he gave me a foot rub as we watched tv, before heading out to work.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How To Deal With Excessive Relationship Drama", in this episode, Freddy Fri Day, gives a message on dealing with relationship drama. Remember, the right relationship for you is one that will enhance your life, rather than complicate it.

This morning, we began listening to "Mindset Expert Shows You How to Control Your Negative Thoughts" an interview with Trevor Moawad, on Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu. Sports Illustrated calls Trevor Moawad “the world’s best brain trainer,” but Moawad keeps it simple and straight-forward, focusing on changing what people say, what they consume, and how they form habits. In this interview they discuss a realistic alternative to the trendy idea of positive thinking, he explains the connection between what you say out loud and how your life turns out and proves conclusively that, contrary to popular belief, your past does not predict your future. So far, we heard them talk about why negative thinking is bad, but positive thinking doesn’t work all the time either, how it’s much easier to change what you say than it is to change what you think, Trevor tells stories of how people talked negative outcomes into existence, and then they discuss Man’s Search for Meaning. We paused a few times, at first because Wade wanted to talk about some frustration he felt at work when he overheard a conversation about politics and decided to stay out of it (smart move). Then, we stopped the video because Trevor was making a point about positive thinking and Wade wanted to again point our his idea/theory that he hopes eventually my mind will be able to think positively about who he is today when it comes to triggers instead of getting triggered and going straight into the trigger mood/mindset/anger/negative, etc. Listen, I hope so, I would love nothing more than to rid myself of these painful, rage-inducing and sometimes debilitating triggers. I told him I have been trying to mull over some triggers in my head, oftentimes multi-tasking on the fly, just not to stay stuck in my own head and ruin the moment, mood, etc. I even gave him an example of a trigger I had just talked myself out of, about 2-3 minutes before we started this conversation. There was this woman, who normally would not trigger me, however as we were coming up, she was bent over in bodycon yoga pants. As we were passing by, all I could think was 'yep, this is a perfect opportunity for him to slip since she was already bending over' and 'chances are if he did slip, he probably noticed/like it enough to put her ass in some sort of category - hot, sexy, whatever'. Then I had to chime in with "stop, just let it go, let it go - let it go, don't let this ruin the rest of your day, plus she's not even hot". But, it is a lot of work, a lot of mental gymnastics and super exhausting/draining. I explained that I could have been telling myself 100 positive thoughts, been in a great mood but because my triggers stem from visual stimulation - in an instant if I see someone, all those positive thoughts go right out the window and sometimes it's not easy bringing myself back (sometimes I do manage to do so though). We had a good conversation, hopefully we will be able to finish the interview tomorrow.


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For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
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What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
No bandages today!

#Motivational
Relationship Drama

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-------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
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DAY 767: 03/05/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Wade asking to go home early.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, Wade told me he was feeling off and he thinks it is because of all the chaos health wise we have all been through in the past month now. I totally get it, I'm burnt out as well, he said he needed to let out some pressure by squeezing something, so he offered me an impromptu back rub which was awesome because it seems like it has been forever, so it was well-received by my back. Then we watched some TV before he had to go to work... which is also when our little one began complaining about an earache... which we were a bit shocked by, as she was just seen by her pediatrician and the doc said her ears were good. After Wade left for work... the "fun" night began for me.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How to Live Each Day To The Fullest", in this episode, we have an inspiring message encouraging you to live each day to the fullest. Remember, you only get this one life, live it!

This morning, after literally being up all night with our little one and her earache that was moving from one side to the other, Wade asked his supervisor if he could go home at 5 am instead of 7:45 am, so I could get at least a few hours of sleep. It was a relief for me because I had spent the entire night awake as I was trying to give her some comfort with hugs, cuddles, and kisses, also trying to come up with possible meds to ease her pain, etc. Once her doctor's office was open we took her there and they were shocked to see us and even joked that at this point they should put a placard with her name on the door. The doctor who saw her yesterday checked her out again and said: "yep, she has a middle ear infection". Both of us were shocked, apparently, it is totally possible for her to have checked her ears at 4 pm yesterday and look good but within a few hours, just like that, the infection to hit. Christ, it is like we can not catch a break, WTF man. Anyhow, on the way to the doctors, we listened to a bit more of "Mindset Expert, Shows You How to Control Your Negative Thoughts" an interview with Trevor Moawad, on Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu. For the few minutes we listened, they discussed how everyone has messed up thoughts, but you don’t have to say it out loud and how your past does not predict your future.

I'm going to be hoping for some relief - soon, maybe we need someone to come sanitize our whole apartment, jeez.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
I got triggered because I thought I saw Wade slip, it passed by quickly because I was distracted by our daughter.

#Motivational
Leader

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-------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 768: 03/06/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, he gave me another surprise back rub, now those a surprises I can get behind LOL! it felt great and we talked for a bit throughout. Then we went to decompress a little bit with tv, we both agreed with the month we've had - 'mindless tv' in some cases is a good thing because we have been so overwhelmed with nonstop sickness, etc, that we need that mental balance.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Pushing Through Failure: How To Master Anything", in this episode, we learn how to master anything by persevering through failure. Remember, the master of a thing has failed more times than the student has tried.

This morning, we finally finished listening to "Mindset Expert Shows You How to Control Your Negative Thoughts" an interview with Trevor Moawad, on Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu. Trevor Moawad is one of the world’s best brain trainers. During the rest of this interview, they discussed how you have to ask: what do I want, why do I want it, and why don’t I have it, how if you watch 3 minutes of news it increases your chances of having a bad day by 27%, he explains why hope matters, and discusses why he says choice is an illusion. It was a good interview and we didn't really understand his interpretation of choice being there but being an illusion until I began rationalizing it and then it began making sense for us both, it opened up a good conversation. After that one, we began listening to "Big Bang Theory Actor ON: How To Stop Obsessing About The Future & Programming Your Mind For Peace" an interview with Kunal Nayyar, on, On Purpose with Jay Shetty. Kunal Nayyar is a British-Indian actor known for his role as Raj Koothrappali in the CBS sitcom The Big Bang Theory. During this interview, we learn how he learned to let go and embrace himself to find freedom within. So far, we heard them talk about his culture and the difference between his upbringing overseas versus the States, even with things such as how we view/interact with the death of loved ones. I think this will be an interesting one.

Today my plan is to work on my client's project and just take a breather, if I am given that opportunity, because I had another long night, for no apparent reason.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
No triggers!

#Motivational
When Life Puts You In Tough Situations

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-------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
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DAY 769: 03/07/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, he surprised me with another backrub, I ain't complaining lol but I did feel bad because his back hurt, so I told him maybe he shouldn't, but he said it was fine. During the massage, we spoke about various topics again, like about an interview he had listened to and his thoughts on how materialistic the guy sounded, and how he didn't agree with what the guy said about balance, that you don't need it because we both agree that you need to have balance in all area's of life and at all times. Then we went and watched some TV as he gave me a foot rub, where we analyzed everything in the episode lol as we have been these days, then he had to go to work.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “The Power of Words: Why You Must Choose Your Words Carefully", in this episode, Dr. Wayne Dyer teaches that in order to create the future you want you must choose your words carefully. Remember, the words you speak become the house you live in, choose them carefully.

This morning, we continued listening to "How To Stop Obsessing About The Future & Programming Your Mind For Peace" an interview with Kunal Nayyar, on, On Purpose with Jay Shetty. Kunal Nayyar is an actor known for his role as Raj Koothrappali in the CBS sitcom The Big Bang Theory. He is not just some Hollywood actor, but a man full of so much wisdom and insight. A lot of what he expresses here, his opinions are on point. Wade and I agree with a lot of them, even more than we do with Jay's. Especially that part about it being okay to sit with/face your sadness, fears, anger or pain instead of stuffing it and pushing through and just slapping on a smile on your face. You have to deal with it, you have to feel it or else it will eat you alive, eventually, I know this firsthand - as I bottled everything up for over a decade. We didn't finish the interview but have really been enjoying it so far. While in Target, one of the employees who had to process our coupons was a definite trigger for me. I saw Wade turn immediately in order to ensure I wouldn't assume he slipped or anything, but she still triggered me, even though her face was a butterface and she looked like she was 18 - she was in supertight jeans and her body was the type Wade prefers and has always preferred to mine - any day of the week and I know that no matter how much he tries to convince himself or me of the opposite, I know the truth, he just does not want to hurt my ego/feelings at this point so of course, he will tell me 'she just doesn't do it for me anymore - only you do'.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Worked through a triggered today.

#Motivational
Girl Complains About Everything, Watch What Happens Next

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-------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
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DAY 770: 03/08/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) My mom and girls.
---------------------------------------------------

HAPPY INTERNATIONAL WOMEN'S DAY Y'ALL!



Last night, we laid down and just ranted for a bit. My dad has been driving us both nuts, in different areas but still. Then after decompressing for a bit, we went to watch some TV before he had to go to work. We have been watching "Lucifer" on Netflix, which features a lot of half-naked women and suggestive scenes, but most of them don't really trigger me (and Wade says it doesn't trigger him either and that I do believe) and because we both find the show is good, fun, lighthearted (mindless sometimes lol) in general and if you pay attention, there are some good messages in there, that spawn some deep discussions for Wade and me. In the episode we watched this time though, there was an s&m scene (leather, whips, etc, group of passed out partiers - but no full nudity) it was very suggestive tough and I blurted out what I was thinking in my head: "I bet you wish you were there" or something like that. It was obvious he didn't like my comment, he even said so and I didn't mean to hurt him, but in my head, I truly do believe that he would prefer any one of those women dressed up for him in that way, to me - any day of the week, period - that is my truth. We did discuss it for a few minutes before he left for work, but barely because he had to go.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How Having Money Really Affects Your Life", in this episode, we learn how having money affects every aspect of our lives, including your confidence and happiness. Remember, wealth is not about having a lot of money. It's about having a lot of options.

This morning, because he was tired we decided to skip our walk and opted to make our weekly grocery run instead. During the drive, we continued listening to "How To Stop Obsessing About The Future & Programming Your Mind For Peace" an interview with Kunal Nayyar, on, On Purpose with Jay Shetty. He continues to make good points, although he did begin to lose both of us when he started talking about having love for everyone in order to find peace, including people you loath -- erm, nah sorry, but I can't find love or be loving towards serial killers, rapists or pedophiles... I can find peace without loving them lol. Wade also brought up my comment from last night and asked me if that scene triggered me, I told him it didn't really trigger/trigger me, but it did make me imagine/think about how he would probably prefer any one of those women to do those things to him, instead of me - hence my making that comment. He asked me if I could stop making comments like that because it bothers him, he doesn't mind me asking if something triggers him but not blatantly say "I know you wish you'd be there" etc. I told him that was definitely something I could do, I could keep those comments/thoughts to myself for sure. We discussed this a bit more and then we continued listening to the interview some more in between shopping. I will say, it is such a relief that both he and I can bring up things that bother us, without worrying about backlash from the other person - this way we can make changes so that we don't hurt each other, instead of bottling up those feelings, trying to move on and end up harboring a ton of resentment toward each other instead.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
No triggers today.

#Motivational
How Money REALLY Affects Your Happiness, Relationships & Confidence

---------------------------------------------------

-------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 771: 03/09/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Brunch Date.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, we skipped our talk because we had a good heart to heart in the morning. Instead, we watched some TV as he gave me a foot rub, continuing to over-analyze Lucifer lol. Then we ended the night with an awesome, 'time'... before actually sleeping lol it was so long overdue and so worth it.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How To Change Your Life For The Better: Stop Chasing The Wrong Things", in this episode, we learn how to avoid chasing the wrong things. Remember, when you stop chasing the wrong things, you give the right things a chance to catch you.

This morning, we finally finished listening to "How To Stop Obsessing About The Future & Programming Your Mind For Peace" an interview with Kunal Nayyar, on, On Purpose with Jay Shetty. Then, during our walk, we began listening to "Get Uncomfortable, Build Your Relationships, and Thrive" an interview with Dave Sparks, on The School of Greatness with Lewis Howes. Dave Sparks is an entrepreneur, custom vehicle builder, and social media personality from Salt Lake City, Utah, who goes by the name “Heavy D.” Since he was little, Dave has been fascinated by anything with an engine or wheels. His most famous creation is the “Mega Ram Runner,” Dave went to college to study welding, mechanics, and fabrication, but after his first semester, he decided that he could learn more from real-world experience than from books and lectures. He worked for his uncle’s construction business and handled heavy machinery while learning the ins and outs of running a business. In 2009, Dave met the girl of his dreams. One year later, they were married, and he opened a small used car lot. Then he began to build his dream company, DieselSellerz, which builds badass trucks. That childhood dream of his really came to fruition. He had to take risks and stretch himself in order to make things work. He took the responsibility of achieving success upon himself and didn’t expect it to be handed to him. So far in this interview, we hear them about how he achieved that success, focused on self-improvement, and invested in healthy relationships. How to overcome the fear of anything, how Dave learned how to get back up when he gets knocked down, how to teach kids to appreciate what they have, and the best thing Dave learned from his Mormon mission. So far this is a good one, he talks about very relatable topics for us, giving us reasons to pause and further our own conversation. Particularly, the part about realizing what or who your priorities are and living your life around it/them, making all your other decisions so much easier to make because you know where your priorities are - if that makes sense.

Then we went to have a nice brunch, it wasn't fancy but it didn't need to be, it was nothing more than small talk but still sweet. After we had to head home and deal with my dad's cable issues, yet again, sigh.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
No triggers today!

#Motivational
The Pursuit Of Status How To Avoid Chasing The Wrong Things

---------------------------------------------------

-------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 772: 03/10/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, we watched Netflix's "Spencer Confidential" starring Mark Walberg, I still can not believe A-listers are making Netflix movies, it's crazy. The movie itself was pretty good, both of us enjoyed it. While we watched he gave me a foot rub and after the movie was over, turned on "Lucifer" and went into some deep over-analyzing of the characters and their actions lol. This has really become a fun part of watching shows.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “If You Want To Be Happy For The Rest Of Your Life Do These Things Daily", in this episode, we hear some great tips on what to do if you want to be happy for the rest of your life. Remember, happiness is not a goal... it's the by-product of a life well-lived.

This morning, we went to a Nissan dealership because last night we received a call about some promotion they had going on. Our KIA lease is up in nine months, Wade told him that and he said to still come in and they would take care of it, even if we wanted a used car next. Just as I figured, it was all BS, just to get us into the door. We explained that we want a used certified preowned car, 2015/2016 is fine because we are trying to be debt-free. He went on a whole spiel about how leasing is way better, when that didn't work he said well why not get a new lease for the term and then buy out the car in the end through refinance, for like "$12,000" and I'm like, well then we'll be paying off the 3-year lease for 12-15k and then have to drop another 12k to buy it out? kind of defeats the purpose. Then he begins to explain that the prices they have on their own website, for the certified preowned cars are just base prices, but when you actually get the car you have to pay another 2-3k for the certification fee? I am so confused. If the car is listed as a CPO with a rate, why would I have to pay another $2k for the cert? sigh, let's just say that was "fun". Then we went for a walk in the local outdoor mall, where we discussed what had just taken place at the dealership, what we plan on doing etc. We stopped by T-Mobile, there was a minor trigger there but I worked through it. Then, we continued listening to "Get Uncomfortable, Build Your Relationships, and Thrive" an interview with Dave Sparks, on The School of Greatness with Lewis Howes. Dave Sparks is an entrepreneur, custom vehicle builder, and social media personality. We heard them discuss why you should make deals with God or the universe (Wade and I consider it more like; making deals with yourself and just getting more serious about your plans/goals) and what happens when you focus on one key skill.

The rest of the day should hopefully be laid back, fingers crossed.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Minor trigger, got passed it.

#Motivational
7 Science-backed HABITS to be HAPPIER & More SUCCESSFUL

---------------------------------------------------

-------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 773: 03/11/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, we had some back and forth with our eldest again, so during a back rub, we spoke/ranted about that, plus about a comment I made earlier in the day. Then we went to watch Lucifer, which we finished and can not wait for a new season. We also started Altered Carbon, which had a decent start, I'm still not sure how I feel about it compared to season one.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “When Things Get Rough Is When You Find Out Who Your Friends Are", in this episode, Freddy Fri talks about finding out who your friends are and needing new friends. Remember, the people in your life will either inspire you or drain you, choose carefully.

This morning, we finished listening to "Get Uncomfortable, Build Your Relationships, and Thrive" an interview with Dave Sparks, on The School of Greatness with Lewis Howes. Dave Sparks is an entrepreneur, custom vehicle builder, and social media personality. We heard them discuss what Dave thinks about the new Tesla truck and how the auto industry is evolving into electric and hydrogen power. The end of this interview was a bit of a snooze fest for me, I'm not really into cars and all the details that come with that breakdown. After that podcast, we listened to "The Most Powerful Habits For A Healthy & Productive Brain" an interview with Dr. Daniel Amen, on, 'On Purpose with Jay Shetty'. Both of us love listening to Dr. Amen, we grow fonder of him each time we listen to his wisdom. Dr. Amen is the most popular psychiatrist in America, who is also Justin Bieber’s doctor now. Dr. Amen has spent his career studying correlations between brain health and mental illness. He is forever discovering new ways in which the brain is shaped by environment, trauma, and health. During this interview, Dr. Amen tackles some common misconceptions about mental health and the brain and describes the 11 things you should avoid for a healthy brain. We really enjoyed this one, it was full of a lot of great advice. While we waiting for Chipolte to open, he asked me if I got triggered at Target, I told him yes and he said "really?" and that kind of exchange is annoying for me; you see a prime/trigger and then ask me I got triggered and I respond "yes"... responding to that with surprise/shock, like saying "really?" or "weird, I didn't notice anyone" is annoying because, well, if you are at the point of asking me, then you already know the answer, so why are you surprised when I confirm with a yes... anyhow then we spoke about primes, types, and preferences for a bit, our usual sore topic, then we went home.

I hope today will be a much calmer day, with our eldest, sigh.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Triggered at Target, I moved past it as best as I could.

#Motivational
Signs You Need New Friends

---------------------------------------------------

-------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 774: 03/12/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Me time.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, Wade and I work on/talked about some ODAAT stuff that I do not want to put here. Then we watched some TV while he gave me a nice foot rub and then we went to bed shortly after because he had to wake up early, while I was tired and in pain.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Why There Are So Many Miserable People These Days", in this episode, we hear why there are so many miserable people these days, and how to keep yourself from being one of them. Remember, if you're not mindful the things you own will end up owning you.

This morning, my back was out of commission and due to this, as much as I wanted to, I could not walk. I feel guilty about it and some shame too, I was giving myself a lot of shit for about an hour or so but then started rationalizing the fact that I didn't want to make it worse, where I wouldn't be able to function at all for the next week. While I got the girls ready for school and worked on some stuff, I listened to "How to Hack Your Way Into Success at Anything" an interview with Alex Banayan, on Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu. Alex Banayan dropped out of college to hunt down and ask legends like Bill Gates, Steven Spielberg, Maya Angelou and more how they accomplished their dreams so he could share it with the world. These stories as told in the best-selling book, The Third Door, reframe what most consider “secrets” to success into human journeys of failure and persistence. It was a pretty interesting story/journey to hear, his persistence is pretty cool lol. During the discussion, they talked about "The Third Door" mentality and how he used it to fund his dream, how external voices and rejection factored into his journey, the power and importance of friendship in his success, the fear within uncertainty and how to work with it instead of against it, he shares Steven Spielberg’s incredible story of turning rejection into a new path, the story of Qi Lu and how he redefined the word “luck”, and insecurities and developing self-awareness.

It's weird, this set of days off felt so much longer with Wade, him going back to work is a bummer for me, I miss him.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
I was able to work myself out of my shame/guilt about not walking.

#Motivational
Why 90% of People Are UNHAPPY

---------------------------------------------------

-------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 775: 03/13/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Breathing exercises.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, we talked about various topics for a bit, from his stuff and mine (triggers, etc). During an impromptu backrub, which felt so good, he told me he had a realization of how "pathetic" he was all those years, so immersed in ogling and all of the torment I was put through, how he understands why I get so triggered and why it is so difficult for me to believe him on that topic these days, even with all his other changes.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “The Secrets To The Awesome Power Of Gratitude", in this episode, we learn all about the awesome power of gratitude. Remember, be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough.

This morning, we decided to get to Costco early, so we could stock up on some nonperishables - as we are in a coronavirus hot zone and they will probably shut down schools and maybe more for a while. On the way there, we finished listening to "The Most Powerful Habits For A Healthy & Productive Brain" an interview with Dr. Daniel Amen, on, 'On Purpose with Jay Shetty'. At Costco, it was a total clusterf*ck, so many people holy crap. A lot of triggers, but also people with attitude problems, so much anger, and paranoia, just insanity all the way around. They [the store] were rationing items so that people couldn't clean out the entire inventory. It really does feel like end times, Wade and I made it through, thankfully, we tried to keep to ourselves as much as possible, so hopefully, we won't get 'hit' with anything in 14 days, sigh - but this shit is getting so out of hand. I hope everyone is staying safe out there.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Triggered at Costco, I moved past it and the chaos there as best as I could.

#Motivational
Two words that can change your life

---------------------------------------------------

-------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 776: 03/14/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, we laid in bed for a bit and talked. We are both overwhelmed and exhausted with all of these current events, with the added bonus of recovery/triggers added into the mix. Then we went to the living room to watch some TV as he gave me a foot rub, I feel so spoiled, I still remember having to beg for it constantly pre-recovery.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How To Change Your Life In An Instant With One Decision", in this episode, we hear a great message on how to change your life in an instant by making one simple decision. Remember, the secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.

This morning, before we left the house, Wade got quite mindless with his phone, I had asked him to do a few things, as I was trying to get something for our little one done in the meantime but he was ignoring me (not doing what I was asking) instead just saying "I will". Time was of the essence, as we needed to go for our walk and my parents were coming. I got very irritated with that behavior, it triggered me because this is exactly what he use to do to me, all the time pre-recovery. While we were heading out, he was acting normal, but my mood was off, so I had to let him know that I was irritated and explained why. In the car we spoke about it, he went right into the defensive, made some excuses and it began sounding like gaslighting, which was only making it worse for me. After a while, he eventually apologized and took responsibility for his actions. I told him it was fine, but I needed my time to cool off, so we began listening "How To Learn Faster, Remember More & Find Your Superpower" an interview with Jim Kwik, on, On Purpose with Jay Shetty. He was the boy with the broken brain. At least that’s what Jim Kwik called himself between the ages of 5 and 18 after suffering from a traumatic brain injury that left him with slow brain performance. Today, Kwik is one of the top brain and learning experts in the world, and he’s a man on a mission. During this interview they talk about tapping into the unlimited potential of the human brain and how powerful it is, when you set your own limitations and labels onto yourself, because of yourself or because others have influenced you to do so. There were also some triggers at the mall, which didn't help my already 'off' mood. The day just started and I'm already super done with it and exhausted. I have to spend the rest of the day entertaining our kids, alone, which drains the ever-loving shit out of me too, so I can imagine that by the time he wakes up from his slumber, I will be ready to explode. Oh, and it also means nothing productive will be done by me, which makes me feel even worse, ugh.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Brought up what was bothering me, instead of holding it in.

#Motivational
STOP Reading Books, START Slaying Dragons

---------------------------------------------------

-------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 777: 03/15/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, another night of being spoiled, a backrub, hand rub, and foot rub - still makes me feel guilty getting all this treatment. I also told him that I hope it wasn't because he felt bad for the morning. He said no and during the massage, he spoke about our sore topic, gratefulness and how he feels about me these days. Then we finished watching Altered Carbon, it was awesome and I really hope it gets renewed for season 3.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How To Focus Your Mental Energy On The Things That Matter", in this episode, we have an inspiring message on how to focus your mental energy on the things that matter most in your life. Remember, when you want to succeed as bad as you want to breathe, then you'll be successful.

This morning, we continued listening "How To Learn Faster, Remember More & Find Your Superpower" an interview with Jim Kwik, on, On Purpose with Jay Shetty. It just gets better and better, full of great opinions and advice. A story that both Wade and I really enjoyed, was "...I tell a story about a power plant that's very active and one day just shuts down how the middle of nowhere, just shuts down and the employees are running around, they're frantic with their heads cut off and finally, operations manager after three hours says okay look we gotta get some outside help. They call a local technician, the technician is like you're lucky I'm right around the corner. The technician shows up and he surveys the power plant for a few minutes. There are full beams everywhere, he goes to one specific beam and on there - there are all these electrical boxes, he goes to one specific electrical box, he puts a big X on it with a magic marker. He opens it up, all these bolts, wires and screws are there, he goes to one specific screw and he turns it - not more than a quarter of an inch and all of a sudden the whole power panel lights up again. The Operations Manager says thank you - you saved our business, you saved the day, how much do I owe you? so the technician says that will be ten thousand dollars and the operations manager was like "what? you were here for five minutes! all you did was turn a screw! how can you even justify that? just give me an itemized bill". The technician was like no problem. Then the technician reaches into his back pocket, takes out a paper, scribbles on, tears off the sheet and gives it to him. He was like I don't understand, then he goes to his desk writes a check for $10,000 and hands it to the man. Then the technician says, when you look at the invoice, you will. It said: "turning screw: one dollar, knowing what screw to turn: nine thousand nine hundred ninety-nine dollars" and the lesson is for people who are listening, it is not that you have a screw loose, it is that the little things can make a big difference." Wow, what an awesome point and story!

Then we got home and if yesterday was any indication of what today will bring, I expect a huge headache by end of day.


_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
No triggers today.

#Motivational
DON'T GIVE IN!

---------------------------------------------------

-------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 778: 03/16/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, we had a little fun playing wheel of fortune together on the PS4, the game was on sale for $2.00, I had to get it and after the fun we had - I think it was worth it. After putting the little one to bed, we started watching the new Amazon Prime show "Hunters" starring Al Pacino... who would have thought, Al Pacino would be in a tv series, let a lot an Amazon one, not a network! crazy times. So far, the show is really engaging and story-driven, both of us are already hooked.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How To Make The Story Of Your Life A Bestseller", in this episode, we have an inspiring message reminding you that you are writing the story of your life with each day that goes by so be sure to make it a bestseller. Remember, if you want to go somewhere you've never gone then you have to be willing to do something you've never done.

This morning, we finished listening "How To Learn Faster, Remember More & Find Your Superpower" an interview with Jim Kwik, on, On Purpose with Jay Shetty. Jim Kwik did not disappoint, he was full of good advice and information that anyone could apply to their everyday lives, like switching the way your brain labels things, which in turn changes the way you perceive it. Jay agreed with him and said he has even been using this method, for example, when people ask him how his weekend went, instead of saying "busy", he says "it's been productive". He says, using the term "productive" gives him a positive, exciting and proactive mindset while the term "busy" gives him the feeling of being tired, stressed and overworked. I agree with them, I think words are powerful, I try to be more positive these days but for me, it's not so easy - I spent so many years focused on the negative.

Wade is home tonight which I am happy about, but we are in New York and I have a feeling they are going to be switching tours for our first responders, so I have to start mentally preparing myself for the chance that I'll be stuck with the kids for over a month and barely seeing Wade on top of that. Sigh, I wonder if they'll have discounts for mom-getaways after all of this finally calms down.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Some minor triggers at Target - worked through them on my own.

#Motivational
If The Past Is Holding You Back Watch This Now!

---------------------------------------------------

-------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
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It is an awesome show

Yep, this is going to be a longgggggggggggggg few months.

 

DAY 779: 03/17/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

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Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning with Wade.
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Last night, Wade knew I was feeling a bit under the weather, so he spoiled me again with a back rub, where we spoke about various topics. Then we continued watching Hunters on Amazon Prime.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Stop Making Excuses For Keeping Negative People In Your Life", in this episode, you're encouraged to stop making excuses to continue to keep negative people in your life. Remember, you cannot surround yourself with negative people and expect to live a positive life.

This morning, I had a dentist's appointment, so half my mouth has been numb for almost two hours now. Today is going to be a productive day, I have some work to do for a client, we plan on putting into action the new schedule's we made for our girls because they are home due to the coronavirus, but this isn't a vacation, they need to keep up with their studies. We will also incorporate some fun though, like free time, family movies and games. This is going to be a longggggggggggg few months.

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For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
No triggers today.

#Motivational
EXCUSES & NEGATIVITY!

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Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
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DAY 780: 03/18/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
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Last night, while watching the Hunters, one of the characters triggered me. I did not say anything, I kept it to myself like Wade asked me to do before (aka no snarky commentary) but in my head, as soon as I saw her, what I would have normally said out loud/what I did say to myself was "I bet he wishes he'd be coming home to her, instead of me". I sat there trying to bring myself out of the trigger, but I guess Wade picked up on my mood shift and asked me if there was something bothering me or if I got triggered. I said yes, he acted surprised and said "what/who triggered you?" and I told him. That ended up opening up a long-winded back and forth as to why she triggered me, compared to others, how he was surprised at the fact that someone on TV triggered like this, he didn't remember it being this bad with other shows. I had to sit there and explain (aka retrigger myself further) with why she triggered me, what specifically about her/her body parts triggered me, etc. I told him oftentimes when someone on tv triggers me, I try and talk myself down and eventually it goes away, without him even noticing. This time, he asked and instead of saying "I understand" and dropping it, he turned it into an integration, which only irritated me worse and turned my triggered from a level 5 to a level 10... that was frustrating.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Setting Achievable Daily Goals: Why This Is A Good Habit To Have", in this episode, we hear why setting achievable daily goals is such a good habit to have. Remember, depending on what they are, our habits will either make us or break us. We become what we repeatedly do.

This morning, I was still nursing my trigger from last night. We had to stop by our kid's school and pick up work for them to do for the rest of the month. Then, we started listening to "Behavioral Neuroscientist Shows You how to Break The Coronavirus Anxiety Cycle" an interview with Judson Brewer, on Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu. With the Coronavirus pandemic bringing the world to a halt Tom interviews Behavioral Neuroscientist Jud Brewer on how to keep your cool in hectic times such as these. It is an okay interview so far. Then I've been spending hours trying to figure out how to become a homeschool teacher overnight, quite frustrating when none of the sites the district/school setup work!

The only thing giving me some calm, this live Panda cam:



_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
As much as I don't want to revisit or talk about last night, I still did.

#Motivational
If You Want To Change Your Habits (YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS)

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---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
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LOL definitely NOT her, eww.

It was/is the Latin wife of the FBI agent.