Effect of sexual abuse

I think I was not sexually abused, at least I have no evidence that I was; but I started masturbating very very early and could never stop. Now at 43 years old I think that a lot of my physical, mental but mostly spiritual energies were wasted, I could have been way better in all aspects if it was not for this vice.

 

I would still be in the Army if I hadn't been abused in basic training.

 

I dont think i was abused but i know i started masturbating when i was extremely young, I remember doing it when I was around 5 and I was exposed to porn just a few years later when I was 8.

I could spend all day talking about my journey through porn and how its fucked with my identity today. And a lot of the time I start thinking about what life would be like if I had normal sexual development. But in the end its counter-intuitive, i got myself into this mess, and now I need to pull myself out.

I do really miss the days when I had normal fantasies about girls. I was a lot more innocent back then. When I think of my fantasies now i feel disgusted with myself. Hopefully nofap will help me there!

 

mostly ,
persons who got abused they are involved at the same time with pornography and masturbation
as a escape from traumatized sexual experience that they got,
in my case was like this,
i completely forgot my several even sexual abuses in my maybe 11-12 years old age,until i got some psychedelic experiences, few years ago
those psychedelic experiences reminds me again some pictures that i forgot but they reminded me again
but this time there is no escape, its solving it from root cause,
for now im ok, im happy , and i have normal sex life,

 

Yeah... life would've been easier. So much mental energy wasted.

 

check out here:
https://forum.malesurvivor.org/

also the book The Body Keeps Score and other books on trauma. It can be overcome, it takes some work. For years I avoided it. It hasnt' been pleasant to face - really coming here was the tip of iceberg! But I am GLAD I did and I feel like I am moving forward.

 

I think when something like this happens we have 2 paths.
We can choose one path where the things that happened take us to one place of personal self destruction separate from the damage we can have it from this things. So instead of we try to recover, do something and keep living our life we can have the damage that happened more the damage of personal self destruction.
The damage of personal self destruction can even be more stronger then the real damage that happened to persons.
If we choose this path we can create in ourselfs things like hate inside and other bad energys that with time can make us more bad then the real damage so we will endure the damage of personal self descrution more the damage created for these things.
This personal self destruction can led us to porn, masturbation, identity problems, homosexuality, sexual perversions, drugs, depression, addiction and some other things more... "I think you understand me where I want to go"
Like or not there are effects who will be present like one mark in persons and this is not something like we take 5 euros from someone and then later we can return them back and pay.
I think in somehow life for her own do his own right, some persons can call karma, destiny or something...
And please dont forget this persons that doing this stuff finish to hurt they own to in one way or another way and not only hurt the others.

So the alternative path i think is in a certain way the forgiveness to release the hate and bad energys that can that can lead us to the personal self destruction i talk before and we dont have to endure 2 things at the same time, the real damage that it happened and the damage that we can make ourselves, the damage of personal self destruction.

And when i say these things doesn't mean that we have to stay
standing and doing nothing like nothing happened, we can choose to move and do something but feed the hate i dont think is good, feed the hate if feed the personal self destruction i talk before.
What do you guys think about this?!

 

i just want to be happy, but i dont know what to do for it... i'm tired of posting/reading about this on numerous websites or reading youtube videos self help...

 

Thank you. You are generous and kind to do this. I am trying too, to not forget, but to just let it be. It's an arduous process.

 

Loved seeing this thread. I was abused when I was 9-10 and it made me very sexual at a young age. This set me up for many years of obsessive sexual thoughts and behavior. I'm at a point now where I've dealt with the abuse but still struggle with masturbation. That's what's brought me here.

 

Yeah even i became promiscuous n obsessed with sex thoughts...

 

yes exactly; obsessions and compulsion for me as well. trying to deal with it.

 

They don't care about their victims. It's all about them and that moment. They don't think about the consequences.

 

Many times the same thing happened to them- this is why child abuse and alcoholism can run for generations in families. Of course there are many who were abused but didn't pass it on. I don't know what factors make this occur. Remarkably, there are also kids who are sexually abused but don't suffer later sexual dysfunction - they acknowledge a terrible thing happens but they have processed the memory.