35 and Older Accountability Group

Great thanks. I will stay active with it.

 

You can always just start posting in the group now.

It’s only a ranking on the front that you need to wait for because the site (wisely) limits groups to 20.

 

My solace in dealing w today’s reality is that as a product of the late 70’s and 80’s, we only had 3 channels on the TV and relied on playing outside, playing board games, and eventually Atari. I never thought my childhood would be bootcamp for surviving 2020. My kids have adapted admirably to the new normal and are finding contentment in household coloring competitions, some marathon boggle sessions, and a little hide and seek. While 99% of what is happening in the world sucks, I hope some of the “lame” 70’s-80’s fun we’ve been enjoying sticks around long after Covid19 fades into our memories. Stay strong gents and let’s focus on what we’ve got even a semblance of control over. No PM for this guy today, hope a few of you will join me.

 

Hey buddies, I'm going to pull back from NoFap. @artifact, you can give my place in the group to someone on the waiting list.

I enjoy the interaction with you guys, you're all great and no one has done anything to hurt or offend me at all. But I think that the whole approach of NoFap for me is tending to keep the focus on failure. I think it is not helpful to me to keep track of how many days I've abstained from PMO in a legalistic sort of way. I've done this long enough now to know it is not working. I can't keep doing the same things, the same way, and expect to get different results.

I'm going to explore a sort of mystical alternative. As a follower of Jesus, I believe he is alive and present in my life today. I believe he has given me a renewed human nature, and the spirit of God himself also lives within me. I think he has called me to live in freedom, not in slavery to self-imposed rules. So I am planning to refocus my attention on Jesus living in me and producing the life he wants in me rather than me trying to produce it myself. I don't know entirely what that looks like yet, but I'm going to try to learn to rest in Jesus and find my fulfillment in him rather than PMO or anything else.

Thank you for the friendship and accountability. I wanted to post rather than just disappearing so you know I didn't catch the virus or anything like that. Love you guys, stay healthy and be victorious!

 

Back to 5 days. Last recent streak ended on day 5.

FACT: We make decisions based on emotion and then think we made them logically. It’s an illusion all people have. (Google this if you think this isn’t true. There have been tons of studies on this, like people think they chose something but they didn’t, they are asked why and they generate long logical explanations.)

OPINION: Our brains want to PM and will tell us all sorts of dumb reasons why it’s ok. Our brain can make it sound logical, because we do this all day every day. It’s how our brain works.

We’ve seen the experiments. The dumb monkeys that starve to death in a pile of food while using cocaine could probably tell you interesting reasons why what they are doing make sense if you could speak monkey.

Every addict I know is the most convincing story teller / liar. I think their brains get really good at lying to themselves first.

FACT: PM will not lead to more pleasure in the long run. If we pay the price now, dopamine levels and receptors will return to normal.

I’ve shared the TedX talk from YouTube “The Pleasure Trap” before.

Keep it simple and stay strong gents. This isn’t rocket science. Our brains want us to fail because they don’t see the big picture. Will we be like a monkey starving to choose their addiction, or will we rise and choose the destiny we all know Is best?

I just choose one more day at a time. I choose not to believe the lies like a starving monkey. I choose to stay away from PM. 1 more day.

 

Not sure if you'll see this Wolf, but thanks for being here. Good luck to you in your quest. Stay safe.

 

Some of my best recent streaks started when I was sick and tired of resetting my counter and when I was giving up hope. Those streaks died when I lost the urgency I felt, so for that’s a good sign.

We just need to stand up 1 more time than we fall.

——

check in. Counter going to 6 soon.

Yesterday I wanted to run but my thinking about the prior post stuck with me enough not to give a single inch.

 

Checking in with a new day... wait... it’s only been a few hours.

lockdown days should count for 4 lol

 

I appreciate the time you spend. Take time off from the ranking whenever you need to. No biggie. This should be a positive thing for everyone.

when I’m relapsing up a storm I hate updating the counters and everything; but watching from the other side I can see it’s ok.

That’s one of the reasons I want to get away from PM. It warps my emotion on daily living stuff.

no doubt the Virus stuff is real and we can’t hide from it. But we have a good group here (and I hope you feel proud of that). I’m grateful for it because it feels like we want each other to do well and we all understand.

Every hour we get through during such a stressful time without PM will only make us stronger. If it’s a tough day celebrate stopping 1 fap early IMO.

Thanks for all you do. This has been a rough time for me but the group really helps me more than it probably should. It’s great to know we are not alone.

(I also noticed in your note something about my recovery. I am noticing hoping for a magic change in my PM situation is a bad trigger for me... “no fapping in the new year, in the new house, etc...”

I agee kindness and understanding is the best we can hope for. Thanks again!)

 

We all appreciate this group. I know it's been very helpful to me. I think the degree to which we engage in PMO matters too. Of course the goal is to be done with it for good (I don't think our brains can fully recover without giving it up completely) but doing it once every 5 days for 20 minutes is better than multiple times every day.

You're right in that we have to keep trying and practicing. You never know when a long streak will develop. Every battle won is good for your brain's recovery and to let yourself know you have the strength. We need to keep at it.

 

Counter on 7. Feels like I may be on a roll so I’m guardedly optimistic and feeling ready to mentally commit to a whole day.

That means I also need to be extra vigilant tomorrow. Oddly when I’m first feeling hopeful is often a dangerous time. I think because I stop worrying about “breaking the script”.

Stay safe. Better days are ahead.

 

Haven't posted in a while. I hope everyone is staying safe and healthy! For being home as much as I have, I've stayed pretty busy, but the past week has been rough in the nofap department slipping on a few occasions. I have to get refocused. I have been back to my daily bible readings in the morning now that I can't get to the gym. It's much better when I read in the morning as opposed to "when I have time", which as you can imagine doesn't always happen...

 

That's great..glad to be here. I'm restarting as of 2 hours ago. I switched to working from home, like many people, and it has destroyed me. I'm lucky to have 1 good day out of 5.

 

I'd love to last 3 days. That's my goal for now and then I'll grow from that.

 

Go for small realistic goals that you can get your head around.

 

Welcome David. This is a great place to be. A lot of us are struggling right now due to you know what. Being stuck indoors with lots of stress related to health, finances etc. is a recipe for disaster for us. Which makes this group all that much more important.