scared of girls

You know... It's a good idea not to meet random girls you meet online. From ending up paying for her food to ending up on organ trade market, there are plenty of ways this could go wrong.

Remember, not everyone is who they show they are online. So be super careful.

 

Well at least free food one applies to all cases. xD, I have had a few gullible friends down that road. Shame, they never seem to learn.

 

Yeah thats true went out on dates with many of them. I now i keep my first dates cheap and see what there about before i invest any money and its worked out well.

 

Honestly your counter says 4 days in so what I say do is get on a good streak. Completely cure your addiction and then see how hungry you feel when it comes to going out to see woman. I give you my word that after 30 days of retaining your seed, your male energy, you will not feel timid or afraid anymore. Let that be one of your reasons for doing this journey and let that be your beacon of light through the storm.

 

OP author is man or woman (as profile says)? I am confused

 

Every relationship starts with casual dating, so you really never have to go out with a relationship in your mind. Just go out and have fun and see what happens.

Yes, there are girls that prefer a free meal than staying at home alone. so it´s better to do cheap dates in the beginning to make sure she is into you for you and not you money.

 

It's called approach anxiety. I am a weirdo who thinks that chasing girls during a reboot is a bad idea.

The reason is because if I get the girl, then I end up with an O.

Or, if I don't, then in the hopelessness of rejection, I turn to PM for comfort.

Yes, a reboot will solve sex problems of all shapes and sizes. But the thing you want to do is build "value".

That means pursuing important goals with your life.

You need NoFap to get those things done.

And what will happen is that if you pursue this course, a female will be there at the right time.

So if you go out, chase women, rather than work on your goals,

you are actually making yourself less appealing to girls.

But if you "build value" for your life, by a career, fitness, education, etc,

the arrival of the right girl will happen without any work.

That's just how it is.

 

If you have a real addiction then merely going on a good streak will not solve the problem.

That being said, having a good streak can give you a sense of pride which you can then use to fuel your actions, for instance going out with girls.

 

We weren’t talking about addiction. I was posing a solution for him being timid and nervous around females, when you’re masturbsting you won’t feel good because you’re emptying all your energy and vitality out your body. Going on a streak fixes that

 

at your age you shouldn't be scared of meeting girls online. you need to really commit to this nofap lifestyle. im telling you girls are not that important after a while. something with jacking off to people having sex messes with anxiety. a lot of science tends to ignore this, but theres so much anecdotal evidence to refute any possible reasoning against it. if i have kids they will never be allowed to watch porn and if i catch them its gonna be a serious talk as well as punishment. seriously, being a cuck is not something to be proud of.

 

Sorry, I can't agree with you. You specifically said:

Problems with PMO might be problems in and of themselves - e.g. you can't control yourself and watch porn late at night, as a result of which you are not productive the following day - but I think they are rather a symptom. Among other things, a symptom of problems with sexuality. Now when you address those, you will be able to get rid of your PMO problem (I don't claim that I'm 100% right here, please correct me if I'm wrong).

That being said, abstaining is a good start because it allows you to get out of the hole you're in - with this I agree. Abstaining does give you more energy, I agree. However, if masturbation saps your energy, it does not necessarily mean that masturbation is intrinsically bad for you: it might be that you have problems with your sexuality. I don' say it's like that, but it might be beneficial to take a look at the entire PMO issue from that vantage point.

One other thing - it might seem to be an off-topic, but it isn't. OP: you might be timid around girls because you have problems with your sexuality.

I would say sure, getting out of your PMO habits can help you start solving your problems and improving your life. To me it sounds, though, that you have intimacy issues as well - why would you want to run away from intimate contact otherwise? I would say the best way to go would be to go to therapy.

Please, guys, do not treat this streak thing as the Holy Grail of life - I've been there, I landed some long streaks, but I did not do much in other areas of my life, so my life did not improve much. A long streak is a good start, but it's exactly that - a good START. You have to put in work in other areas of your life to see some results and a good streak might give you energy to do this, but what you do with the energy - it all depends on you then.

It might be a difficult pill to swallow, but it is what it is.

 

What if I told you that it's possible to approach the PMO issue from an entirely different perspective?

One perspective would be that you shame yourself not to PMO - there is a premise that PMO is inherently bad. Therefore, if it's bad and you do it, you are bad. So you don't do it. But, mind you, the belief "I AM bad,not good enough etc." is the definition of shame.

Another perspective would be that you do not think that PMO is inherently bad - sure, it has its drawbacks, but in and of itself indulging in it does not make you a bad person. Now you're in an entirely different situation: in this case you do not shame yourself not to PMO, but decide freely that you will not do it because it's detrimental to you - but without shame. And this is when you abstain because you truly want to improve, not because you shame yourself into it, i.e. positive motivation vs. negative motivation.

What is more, this approach allows you to look at your PMO objectively: it allows you to accept, for instance, that PMO gives you joy, without shaming yourself for it, and now you can investigate WHY you feel joy when thinking about porn - and it would probably reveal some need of yours that is not being met properly. As a result, you get the knowledge of that need of yours, which you can then use to learn how to satisfy that need in a more healthy manner.

You might ask: "alright, but does this mean that without that shame I can PMO my nights away and be OK about it?". The answer is: I don't know, but I wouldn't risk it. Besides, quiting porn does give you more time, energy etc. The only difference here is no shame that is hindering you in your quest to improve your life - and this is profound!

To sum up: the activity of abstaining remains the same, but the intention behind it changes, and it makes a world of difference.

Btw. congratulations on your streak!

 

I said to “cure your addiction” and then approach girls and see how you feel to op. That’s not the wrong thing to say because 9/10 times that’s what the issue it. Pmo creates anxiety and it takes you out of yourself and just breaks you down. There’s absolutely no reason to play w yourself and its u justifiable if you actually want to fix the problem you gotta understand it is negative for you. The act doesn’t make you a bad or good person, there are no bad or good people, it’s just an act that will negatively effect you and as you understand that it can help to give it up.

 

Yes, we're speaking about the same thing - if you don't shame yourself to abstain, but you do it because it's better for you - then you're good to go.
And yes - there are no good or bad people, but shame makes you think so: shame makes you think that you ARE bad and not good enough. So it has to go, am I right?

I would still argue, though, that mere abstinence does not cure addiction. If abstaining only cured you, then you didn't have addiction. Addiction is a highly complex issue and abstinence is only a part of curing it. It might be that some of us do not have an addiction, but a problem with our sexuality, others might treat PMO as an escape, but then again - we do a lot of things to escape (watching TV, working too much, even talking to people) and it's not labelled as an addiction.

EDIT: On second thought, I think I might agree on the fact that porn causes problems itself, like disgust with yourself because you watch such stuff or anxiety because you fear that someone might somehow discover what you do.