Should we just stop having sex?

We don't know your situation. I think the only way you can help him is to visit a psychologist or sexuologist and start a therapy. New blockers,boundaries etc. won't solve his problem with emotions and yours relationship issues. Sorry. It is not that simple. I don't think stop having sex is a good idea, but he can't think about porn during this or treat it like a stress relief activity.

 

Any good csat will advise 90 days hard reboot. By that, no sex, he can’t even see you naked. I was against this for the very reasons you stated, high sexual drive, punishment to me, etc. well , 4-5 months in my husband asked me to do the hard mode because the chaser was making it very difficult for him to stay clean. So, we did. Only made it 52 days, but then again 50 days. We are careful about when we have sex, now. It helped my husband tremendously( his words). He’s been clean a little over a year. I totally get why you don’t want to do it. Been there. It was more important to me that my husband get/stay clean than having sex. After the hard mode we tried Karezza and we both like that as well.

 

My husband and I just started a hard reset after 100 days clean for him. He said that he was edging and slipping a lot, and he began to start lying and hiding things again. He also violated a huge boundary that I established early on. I was against it in the beginning, but since the issues we had a few days ago, I had no problems being on board with it now. I think only you can truly know what is best for your relationship. Wishing you the best!

 

So I can only speak for myself, but in my experience, abstaining from PMO would be a million times harder if I couldn't have sex with my spouse. I'm not saying it can't be helpful for anybody, but for me I can't see how that would possibly make anything easier.

 

Yeah, sex with my spouse also reminds me of what I'm fighting for.

 

shit, I wish this were the kind of thinking going on in my particular situation.

seems like all sex does anymore is trigger anxiety, give him an excuse to relapse later the same day and then reinforce said fears that I'm unattractive, yesterday's news, boring or just not worth the effort.

giant emo sigh. :*(

 

Is this something he actually says, or are you just assuming that's how he feels?

 

Yes, we went through this phase. Sex made it more difficult for him afterwards, he’d have huge cravings ( chaser) which then would make be anxious. We both started to want to avoid sex, lol. However, we have better tools for him to handle the after sex chaser when it occurs so done of the anxiety is gone now.