Are you ashamed of your fetish?

Hello, I have transvestic fetishism. You basically get aroused by cross dressing, imaging yourself as a woman, in my case I am aroused by anal play too and stuff but I am completely heterosexual. It is really a bad fetish that's very difficult to control, and it really makes you social anxious, and hard to make relationships

 

Same as MeLeneMani. I've never crossed the line of CD (too afraid of becoming addicted) but there is temptation at times. It's difficult to accept and takes a big toll on self-esteem :/

 

Overwhelmingly, my fetish is female flatulence and feces. I also tend to sexualize other raunchy odors from a woman's body. I also tend to have a fetish for playing the dominant role of "daddy" during sex, and to a lesser extent I have a light femdom kink.

I am ashamed of my fetishes. I think it's frustrating that this is how I understand sex. Regular sex is still appealing, but it's annoying that most of my sexual fantasies end up being of either me smelling a girl's rear end, me hurting and degrading a girl sexually, or me being dominated. I just wish I had a less extreme sexual frame of reference.

I should note that, especially with my own fetishes, I find humor in it. I mean come on, a fart fetish is hilarious. That's not to make light of it and suggest that it's okay, but it's definitely got a humorous element. It helps to recognize that and to be able to laugh at myself.

 

If by Sexual fetishes you mean porn induced fetishes, Then yeah i'm ashamed of them. If you're talking about the fetishes we were born with, Then nah, I'm not.

 

I really am because it was porn induced, I remember in my first teen years being super aroused by some generical category or maybe actress then I start to watch always worse things, out of boredom because I watched too many things previously and I went in my hole.
My personal problem was being aroused by slavery things, and if you're asking it, I was the slave.
So yes I am ashamed of it.
But you know it has been a part of me, not denying it has happened just being sure it will not ever happen again

 

Yeah. It's disgusting to live knowing that a part of you - albeit, a very dark part of you - likes this sort of stuff.

 

So ashamed that i doesn't want talk about it to anyone , neither in an online site

Nothing so strange...

 

This is more specifically known as AGP, which in psychological terms is simply a more updated and specific form of this fetish.

I have the same thing. I'm not ashamed of it, because it developed for me from such a young age that I couldn't have possibly known better. I don't think it's ever going to go away 100%, so I have tried to make peace with it. However, I do not intend to crossdress or watch porn ever again, because the addiction has ruined my life in many direct and indirect ways, and my life will not improve until I learn how to detach myself from it indefinitely.

 

My main fetishes revolve around anal stuff and femdom-ish stuff, and my relationship with them is weird. Even at the height of PMO induced stupor, my brain rejects any humiliating aspect of it, so I end up spending ages filtering through loads of other random shit to get to the one specific thing my brain needs to tick that box. Even now I cant actually explain to you why its these fetishes in general that have stuck when others haven't, its like my brain goes into full on-autism mode (I'm not autistic but I cant think of how else to describe it) and wont stop till it finds the one thing it wants.

If I could get rid of my fetishes, I would, because I know that 95% of them are either completely induced by porn or were accelerated by it. I started a thread talking about it just 20 minutes or so ago in fact, I would appreciate anyone who has the time checking it out.

 

Holy shit. Me either. Then I know how much you waste your time... (( Don't give man, this thing is definitely wrong, and you can defeat this if I can. First days is the worst. Keep going!

 

Thanks man, I'm definitely working hard to overcome it. I know its not me, and this is why I hate them so much, I can still remember a time that I wasn't attracted to them at all, I want to go back to that.

 

This.

Part of the healing process I'm trying to implement is to accept the fact that it won't go away 100%. But with the right lifestyle and strategies I believe it can be kept quiet enough to not ruin my life.

But it is one of the strongest arguments I have against ever having children.
Don't wanna play dices on how a child may deal with such an insecure and perverted father.
I don't have a girlfriend at the moment, but I'm honestly a bit scared about any future relationship, because most girls my age start thinking about having children. I'd have to say a big NO, and if I explain why she'll surely leave me.

Oh by the way, I also have an attraction to "soft" scat P.
Not the gory kind: pretty ladies only and no eating or heavy smearing. Ashamed of it too, of course

 

While my relapses have become less and less frequent over the years, when they do happen I spend anywhere from 3 to 12 hours trying to find a perfect collection of pics, clips, etc, downloading them into a folder on a USB drive, and then binging on them at the end of the day with 3-4 PMOs in rapid succession. After that, I nuke the drive so that no traces remain and try to abstrain again. The most fucked up part is that if I save the links or files somewhere (to save my future self time in the event that I relapse), I almost always end up deciding the saved content isn't good enough and continue the "hunt" for the perfect content, only to arrive at identical or nearly-identical content as before.

My preferences have become so specific that almost nothing even excites me anymore. Even when I find something close to "perfect" upon further examination I can always find a flaw in it. Funny enough, the flaws you notice are real; the reality is that 99.99% of porn is just pure garbage either aesthetically or contextually. Some of the older stuff pre-internet/paid TV days was better, it had actual soul and was filmed with real couples, but those days are long gone. Regardless, even in the event that a "perfect" clip came into existence, it would soon become boring after repeat viewing, or worse become your new standard and make it even harder to enjoy anything else, only prolonging the length of future "hunts" (which is what happened to me).

The true revelation that I learned years ago is that the addiction is not based around the orgasm, or even the porn itself, but the novelty and seeking (the hunt for the perfect clip). Most people fundamentally misunderstand how dopamine works, you don't get the high from reaching the goal, but from the progress towards the goal, or in many cases the mere anticipation of a reward. If someone has a neuroscience background they may be able to correct me here, but if I'm not mistaken it's been shown that drug users dopamine circuits actually light up in anticipation of using their drug (for example, preparing heroin for injection) more than using the drug itself.

In the case of porn, it completely hijacks this system and lets you continually elevate it to supranormal levels through the endless novelty that comes from 50 tabs of promising new clips you found, where you just know that based off the thumbnails, at least one of those must be the perfection you are looking for. But it never scratches that itch, and the goal will never be reached. It's the most insidious trap I've ever come across.

 

Agreed, I've been saying the same thing for a while, novelty is the real issue here and porn is deliberately set up so the novelty never ends. There is always one video you haven't checked out, always one way of searching for it you haven't tried, but in the end you get fed up and relapse to something that kinda works but not really, and feel incredibly drained and unsatisfied afterwards, which propels you into another relapse later where the exact same thing happens. This is why simply going on a long streak doesnt help in and of itself, you also need to actually replace the pattern of behaviour with something else, not just repress it. This is where I trip up, I know deep down that actually pursuing a real life relationship would help me get over my faulty perception of sexuality and relationships but I fear I'm just not all that motivated to do it; even before I got heavily into porn I was never that interested.

 

I wish I could find something that replicates that "hunt" excitement. Nothing has come close. Then again, I don't think anything else can, the combination of our hardwired sexual circuits in the brain + the endless novelty and instant availability of porn makes it quite unlike anything else.

I do agree that the merely pushing on and trying to reach longer and longer streaks simply doesn't solve anything. This goes much, much deeper than willpower.

Also I'm not so sure getting into a relationship is the best idea (mainly because of the chaser effect and potential upregulation of libido), but I do agree that ultimately an LTR may be necessary to truly recover. I just don't think its ideal unless you've already gotten a handle over the addiction.

 

(Apologies in advance long ass post , but this hit a nerve )

Im not ashamed of mine but I certainly wouldnt disclose it, you could potentially become so comfortable with it that you do accidentally when otherwise intoxicated. So I never want to become so comfortable and complacent that I forget it's not exactly normal .

Then again what is, and there are many people out there who have weird kinks .

Im not ashamed , but it is something that I want to continue to distance myself from by beginning NoFap, and bringing my natural tendencies and arousal ques back.

What led me to it was due to watching so much porn and cam sites that I eventually became bored of the norm.

It's all well and good and it's all good fun, but that escalation and continuous backing up of arousal through pmo seems to negatively effect your actual reality .

I started watching transwoman porn after about 18 years of regular porn , I'm into the visual aspect of a women and her tool I'm not into myself actually being present or having anything to actually do with it or being touched by it.
And it's literally only I'm the fantasy world of porn, I've seen other dudes and my own tool, it doesn't do anything for me and if I saw it on a transwoman in real life it would very likely be shattered as a fantasy , reality always breaks fantasy.


regular porn began to bore me and was becoming less of a turn on, watching a dude bang a girl is not particularly that arousing maybe when your younger and you haven't experienced much yourself and just want to see the women, bit I'm reality watching a dude in anyway is not something that does it for me. So I started watching cams and did for a few years plus it was interactive so it was fun. After a few years it became boring , you need to realise that girls on cam for the most part it is there job, and a lot of cams you watch actually gives that vibe, a prolonged experience of viewers tip and see tip and see and once youve seen it a million times it does get boring , the best times I've had watching cams is when the girl interacts and genuinely is into it , but what do you expect a girl is doing stuff on cam for money and they can be on cam for 4-5hours at a time.

I feel like a creep just listening to my comment , the amount of time and eventual escalation for what was initially just fun and a way to deal with urges. Getting to the point it's boring is messed up.

If you still continue to pmo almost everyday , how does this begin to effect your life , you begin to feel less and less stimulated and driven .

When I stop pmoing for a few weeks , I notice girls much more , I start having dreams about women again and if I go back and watch normal porn again I get turned on by it again.

Don't get me wrong I can watch regular porn and cams even when I am in an escalated state and am turned on but my arousal response to that porn is numbed.

When I stop watching porn entirely , I find myself even in close proximity to a women and the vibe is right randomly and unexplainably feel turned on and almost getting hard like the days back in high school when you where even close to a hot girl in a short skirt .

When I stop porn I naturally begin to fantasize again and it doesn't involve transwomen .

It would seem excessive porn
and porn escalation can begin to numb your natural sexual responses and functioning , when I watch porn primarily I never fantasize not even about the genre I am currently watching .

In my mind porn is damaging bit it's also immensely addictive .

So to sum up your question, I am not specifically ashamed of the genre I have fetishized but I am ashamed that I have continued to allow porn addiction to subdue and numb my natural urges to the degree they have , because I can get easy access online that shows to only escalate overtime.

Again when I stop porn, naturally I begin to dream and fantasize about women again , my natural biological preferences and sexuality begin to start taking over , it's like a muscle that gets beaten down from chronic porn use and gets stronger and stronger the longer i stop watching it .

I never fantasize or dream about transwomen and dont have any urges towards them, i believe it's porn escalation what I get from it is a fantisized fictitious women.
A lot of the time it doesn't turn me on and is only the really femine ones that do, any of the masculine ones turn me right off , it's clear to me that porn escalation is conditioning

You watch regular and begin to watch more and more extreme, then you begin to watch transwoman and you see a women and I'm your mind on a subconscious level believe she has the sex drive of a male and she has her own tool and knows how it inherently works and feels , I saw this genre about 8 years ago and it turned me to my stomach . Escalation is the only way to explain it .

I've tried fapping to the more masculine ones out of boredom and it was virtually impossible.
I am not into guys or anything masculine and have never had any sexual interest or attraction to the same sex ,

And oddly enough the only way I ever actually get hard to this genre is by starting soft . When I watch regular women and have stopped porn for a week , I get hard without even touching myself , I don't get the same response to transwoman even if I haven't watched it in a while .

It's like escalation and boredom and this type of genre you seem to eventually create and fetishsize it and due to the nature of pmo addiction you can keep coming back .

So yea, I'm not ashamed of the fetish per say, to some degree, but not fully because I know I'n reality I'm not actually into it , it's literally all visual In the confides of the fantasy land of porn , I've seen transwomen In real life and am not into it , the reality breaks the fantasy .

I am ashamed of escalation and porn addiction

It's clear that I need to get a hold of my self control issues and addictions or my life is fucked