How has being addicted to porn since childhood impacted you?

I think that it has ingrained a desire to cheat on my romantic partners. Throughout adolescence and into adulthood I have had consistent intrusive urges to cheat on my partners. I finally told my fiancee when I started to learn about YBOP and nofap. I had a 60 day streak where these feelings abated after some intense cravings. I am trying to get back to that point now.

 

Tremendeously.
Im now a weak person, low self confidence. Especially now after realization of PIED, I feel unattractive, not being able to satisfy women.
I feel like a less man then others.
Emotionally very fragile. Dependent on others opinion.

If I werent an addict my whole life...that time could be spent better. I would have more friends because of more socializing. I would be better at work, more focused and secure. I would be more brave.

 

Great question and thank you sharing your background. It changed me in the sense that whenever i get an uncomfortable feelings: sadness, disappointment, regret, shame, anger, boredom, etc. I use PMO to get rid of those uncomfortable feeling. That leads me to feel anger towards myself and also feeling bad about myself as a person. Those emotions lead me deeper into PMO.

Everytime i see a woman, i hope she's ugly because if she's attractive i automatically have a bad habit of staring and fantasizing. I can't get to know them as a person but see them as a object of my lustful desire. So far on a 14 day streak and hope it continues.

 

I think the same thing happened to me. I have always had a roving eye. Even months before I got married I was having illicit affairs. Once I decided to quit porn, I realized what a shit I had been.

 

Don't quit brother, I know the feeling.
Once we realize how much porn has contributed to our lack of development it is easy to get down on ourselves. It's understandable, but look ahead! You can never make up for the time you have lost, but so what? You HAVE made a change in your life! Expand your boundaries. Be forgiving to yourself. You have a lot to give and accomplish and this is the perfect time to do it!

 

I agree, of course, no surrender. As they said, the best time for quitting porn was after first time looking at it. The second best time is today.

 

I exposed to it when I was around 11 or 12. I used to cope with a lack of control in my life and to cope with trauma. It made me physically and mentally weaker. Through secondary school (from 12-16) I was bullied a lot and had no confidence. Around the same time, I was starting to learn music and I loved it but I know I would have done way better if it wasn't for P clouding my mind. When I was 16 during my GCSE exams I would constantly have lustful thoughts and I couldn't concentrate on the exam. I ended up failing pretty much all of them. My life is back on track now but back then it was pretty rough.