Jagliana's Journal | An S.O's perspective

Yep, New York has been the only place I've lived, and yesterday we had a random passing snowstorm pass by, in the middle of MAY! ugh.

 

DAY 834: 05/10/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Mothers Day.
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Last night, Wade helped me color my hair (finally, I feel like myself again!) which I appreciated so much, it was so much more difficult doing it myself, my hair is super long and heavy. While he did that we spoke about the fact that I no longer have to ask/beg him to help me out or do me a favor and how he recalls (with much regret) instances where he would finally agree to give me a foot or back rub after I would complain up the wazoo about my pain... however while he was doing me the 'favor' he would have headphones in and be watching something on his phone (ZERO points for connection). These days, it is all different, we are connected and neither of us has to beg or convince the other to do anything, we help each other out without thinking twice. I know how much he loves me and adores taking care of me - which, after over two years, continues to take me by surprise and I still can not get used to it. I will say though, it does not go unnoticed and it does make me feel special, loved, and taken care of, even if I still don't believe I did anything to deserve it. Thanks, baby! we also discussed how fun it was connecting with some old friends from another state, through video, we wished they lived closer.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How To Avoid Negative Thinking Patterns", in this episode, we learn how to avoid negative thinking habits and how to break free if you already have them. Remember, positive results never come from negative thoughts.

This morning, it continued to be cold after our random snowstorm, so we stayed in - plus Wade decided to continue 'sleeping in', so that he would not have to nap midday, before heading out to work tonight. This way, we could have our little Mother's Day celebration, he could eat and not get all bloated right before bed. But before he laid back down, my little one was so excited that she made him give me their surprise early (by telling me all about it LOL as she usually does) it was a custom made book by him and the kids, it was adorable and I loved it. In a few hours my parents will be stopping by and we'll have a short celebratory lunch, full of yummy finger foods - which are horrible for me, but I love them anyway lol. I will get back to my health kick tomorrow ;-)

I hope everyone has a lovely Mother's day!~



_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
My hair is so pretty, silky smooth is soft.

#Video
5 POWERFUL Ways to Break FREE From NEGATIVITY!

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Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
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DAY 835: 05/11/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, he gave me the trifecta and it was great, we spoke, well ranted about my dad's attitude and negativity... also our eldest's behavior... then we watched some TV before he had to go back to work and I went to bed.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How To Make The Next 12 Months Your Best Year Ever", in this episode, we have a great message from John Maxwell on how to make the next 12 months of your life the best year ever. Remember, everybody can be great because everybody can serve.

This morning, during our walk we began listening to "The Most Practical Advice For Overcoming Limiting Beliefs & Changing Your Life" an interview with Dave Hollis, on, On Purpose with Jay Shetty. Dave Hollis left a secure job at Disney to jump into the growth and self-development industry with wife Rachel Hollis, where he discovered more freedom than fear. He is a husband, father, and CEO during this interview, he passionately shares his experience with leaving a life of comfort has been both his greatest risk and the greatest thing to happen to him. So far, it is interesting, Mr. Hollis's journey and resistance to starting a new lifestyle/way of thinking sound a lot like all of us, when others use to tell us about how positive thinking, gratitude, etc, could change your life and we would just brush it off. Wade could relate a lot because it took him a while to finally change and realize why it was worth doing so. I'm looking forward to hearing the rest of it. Unfortunately, before we even began, I was triggered twice (in a row!) and that really soured my mood greatly, but I tried my best to get through it so I could pay attention to the podcast. When I feel like shit physically, it makes all my triggers 100x worse, because they serve as horrible, painful reminders of everything I am not and obviously can never be, specifically for Wade - how I can never match up to his primes physically, therefore, I will never really be his true physical 'preference' over everyone else, it is just impossible and I don't believe he can want/desire people like them and suddenly turn that off and like someone who looks like me, all the meanwhile now 'ignoring' the type of woman who makes his blood boil, as she passes by. I just don't buy it.

Anyway, back to homeschooling.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
My hair is still on point.

#Video
Do These 5 Things If You Want To Attract Better Into Your Life!

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---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 836: 05/12/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, we laid in bed and spoke for a bit... about my earlier trigger, I was not in the best of moods. Afterward, we went to the living room where we watched some tv as he gave me a nice foot/hand rub. Then it was time for him to go to work and I went to bed, it took me a while to fall asleep, I just couldn't - I was tossing and turning, then to add insult to injury, I kept waking up throughout too.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Figure Out What Energizes You And Do More Of It", in this episode, Mel Robbins talks about figuring out what energizes you and then doing more of it. Remember, a persons energy can tell you more about them than their own words.

This morning, during our walk we continued listening to "The Most Practical Advice For Overcoming Limiting Beliefs & Changing Your Life" an interview with Dave Hollis, on, On Purpose with Jay Shetty. Dave Hollis left a secure job at Disney to jump into the growth and self-development industry. In this next part of the interview, Jay wanted to hear about an interesting chapter in Dave's book, the top lies we tell ourselves. That part was interesting, as a people pleaser I found a few in there that I would tell to myself a lot, especially before healing began. These days, I've been getting much better at saying no and sticking to boundaries. Right fighting, a big one, the lie we tell ourselves "if I argue for my point, to prove I am always right, that doesn't make me an ass" on the contrary. It was pretty intriguing for us both. Luckily there were only minor triggers there this morning, phew, I don't think I could take another hit right now.

I really appreciate Wade staying up a little longer and helping our little with some of her school work, this really saves me a lot of stress. Now I need to go edit his video, monitor our eldest, and figure out why one of her assignments made her so emotional... and work on some of my own stuff.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Held my tongue better than I wanted to when my dad kept denying getting a virus on his PC.

#Video
STOP searching for your passion and do this instead!

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---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

Hahaha!! nope, not that one, but those are interesting LOL.

My trifecta is a back, hand, and foot massage - those 3 together make a lot of my pain and troubles dissipate.

 

DAY 837: 05/13/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, he gave me the trifecta and after a long ass day and drama with my dad, it was so needed - I reallllllyyy appreciated it. We both ranted for a bit, then we spoke in general about his feelings toward me and his take on being antifragile. Afterward, we watched some more Outlander, and then it was time for him to go to work and I headed to bed. I wish he was home again.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Habits That Will Make You A Success In Business and Life", in this episode, Charlie from Charisma On Command points out 5 habits that virtually guarantee you a success in business and life. #1: Put In The Work, #2: Stop Trying To Find Shortcuts, #3: Choose The Path That Interests You, #4: He Makes His Content About Other People and #5: He Invests In Growth. Remember, there are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure.

This morning, during our walk we were planning on listening to the podcast we were in the middle of, but Wade brought up my dad/morning and that ended up taking up our entire walk. I won't go into all the details, but Wade knows, my dad has been up my ARSE with his constant hissy fits, temper tantrums, computer issues (that he blames on others, when I know it's his doing) and etc., so this morning he gives me a needless panic attack and computer job. I am so tired of it, overwhelmed and quickly losing patience, being able to blow off some steam to Wade did help, a lot - so I am grateful that these days I have him to vent to, unlike before, where I had to poison myself by bottling it all up.

Once we got home, my dad's laptop was waiting for me, Wade was super helpful by making sure all of our little ones worksheets for the day got done, so I wouldn't have to deal with everything on my own. He says I don't have to thank him for that, but I am so grateful for his help, it alleviates a good chunk of pressure off my day - giving me more time to deal with other crap, I mean 'stuff'.

Back to fixing computers, everyone else's problems and homeschooling.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
No major triggers.

#Video
5 Habits That Will Make You Successful

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---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 838: 05/14/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, I spent a lot of the time on the phone with my brother trying to figure out some internet issues, causing me to miss out on a lovely back rub lol. But as soon as I was done Wade still found the time to indulge me with a foot and hand rub, while we watched TV. Then it was off to work for him and bed for me.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How To Build The Self Discipline You Need To Be Successful", in this episode, Freddy Fri tells an inspiring story that helps remind us of the importance of developing self-discipline in our lives. Remember, the difference between marginal and great is discipline.

This morning, we again attempted to listen to our podcast, but Wade needed to rant about an issue at work, something I completely understand. I agree with Wade's side/point and think his boss is bored and talking out of his, umm, arse. Anyhow, we did our weekly grocery run and then went home. This evening we plan on having a little balcony BBQ when he wakes up.

Time to go deal with the day!


_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
No triggers.

#Video
Self Discipline Is The Best Discipline Story

---------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 839: 05/15/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning with Wade.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, he gave me the trifecta, even though he had a cut on his finger. I told him it was fine, but he said he wanted to see how it would be and did it, again I am very appreciative of it. Then, my night was not so great after he left... I went to bed, however I tossed and turned for HOURS and was not able to fall asleep till about 4:30 am-5:00 am.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “A Friendly Reminder Of The Many Benefits Of Reading", in this episode, Brainy Dose goes over 50 great benefits of reading, that will make you want to pick up a book and start reading. Remember, reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body.

This morning, the weather looked like it was going to rain, plus after my rough night, we decided to go finish up some shopping - then the weather did a 360 and it became beautiful. I did end up getting triggered multiple times at the supermarket but .... it is what it is. Then once we got home, he stayed up which is always a big help because of homeschooling and our little one has been nothing but a big ray of attitude the whole time. Soon, he will fire up the grill and we'll have lunch out on the balcony, I am hoping I find some energy to keep myself awake the rest of the day. He is full of energy, I don't know where he finds it after working all night, but I am grateful - especially today, given my current state.

Okay, keeping it short, my brain is fried.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Triggered but trying to get through the day.

#Video
Why You Should Read Books

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---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 840: 05/16/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, Wade had the night off of work and the weather was nice, so we sat and talked out on the balcony. Then we went inside and continued watching Outlander, a good show but I could see how it could trigger a lot of PA's, sometimes there's a lot of nudity/sex scenes, some on the verge of softcore P in my opinion and multiple times per episode (I also don't need the need for it in relation to the story, but what do I know). Wade tells me it doesn't trigger him or give him any urges, I hope he is being honest about that, since it's constant in this series and not just once in a blue, every few episodes. Anyhow, he gave me a nice hand and foot rub before we headed off to bed. I slept better than the night before, still waking up more than I'd like, but what can I do.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Anything is Possible If You Believe That It Is", in this episode, Tyler Perry has an inspiring message reminding us that anything is possible in life if you believe that it is. Remember, things always seem impossible until they're done.

This morning, my dad wanted to go fishing, so he came with us and he and Wade went fishing and I went for a walk. During my walk, I listened to a live stream with Ester Perel called "Complaining, Comparing, and Coping". Which as the title indicates, it was about ... "the Joy of Complaining" a conversation about complaining, comparing, and coping in this moment of prolonged uncertainty. Initially, I assumed it would be her teaching us to be grateful and complain less, instead she said we should be complaining and it's okay to complain, even if other people may have it worse. Her subscribers submitted various situations/questions and complaints, she went through them and explained why it was totally okay, normal, and actually a good thing to let it all out, instead of feeling like "now is not the time to complain about my problems when Sally lost everything!". There were many good points made, some particular ones that caught my attention were when she talked about understanding the thoughts of people who are scared right now and complaining about people who refuse to wear masks. Her breakdown was great, "I go out and I see other people without a mask, now it's not just that they don't have a mask, it feels to me like they're not thinking about how interrelated we are and that if they come close to me, even if they are asymptomatic, I could get deathly sick and that's what I'm actually complaining about. This mask thing is an experience for me, of your disregard for the well-being of others, and therefore what matters to me is the sense of responsibility for the well-being of others - that's what's at the core of the complaint". She also went into holding space when someone complains to you, without trying to fix it and why that is important, how the person listening should not feel responsible for ensuring the complainer stops feeling their hurt, pain, or problem, instead lets them feel heard, seen and acknowledged. It was a good one, worth a listen, especially given the times.

Right now, I'm back home and Wade is still fishing with my dad. The little one is hungry, so I'll go get her something to snack on, hopefully he will be home soon so we could grill some noms up.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Some minor triggers on the trail I was able to get through them.

#Video
Eric Thomas MOTIVATION

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---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

Yes, betrayal trauma hits all of us differently. For me real women are worse/way more triggering because I spent over 12 years of my life with him, watching him ogle them, no matter how good I looked that day, dressed up or down, special occasion or not - it didn't matter, I didn't matter, he was always drooling over everyone else, other than me - so for me, when they approach in real-time, it triggers/retraumatizes me to feel that 'oh shit, here we go again, I have to compete for his attention again' type of moment. Difficult to explain, not all women, but certain types.

As for nudity on tv, it's not as triggering, maybe because it's tv - the thing is for me, before him/his addiction none of these types of scenes ever bothered me at all, I love shows especially ones like Game of Thrones (you name it) so I am used to a lot of that stuff being thrown in - granted, some scenes do trigger me - well, depending on the physical type of actress and how much she looks like the type of woman I consider his real-life ogling 'prime' (after witnessing it so long). I guess, given my profession, I think I've gotten a bit desensitized to it in the media, as I also know first hand the man-hours that go into making them look a certain way for tv, movies, and images... most of it is fake/makeup/shapewear. In-person, the internal rush, fears and emotions hit me like a truck when I am faced with a trigger head-on, I feel trapped because I have no control over her being there, whether he'll ogle or not and the thought of 'will I be ignored yet again'. It's weird, I know, I guess it really is different for each of us.

 

This PTSD is no joke, feeling out of control, and constantly swimming in fear, shame, uncertainty is the worse feeling in the world. I totally get it and relate!

 

DAY 841: 05/17/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Drive.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, he gave me a very lovely trifecta, we almost missed it because we were watching some old DWTS complications. I didn't think he would because I knew how exhausted he was after doing so much around the house, so time-consuming and I am grateful that he did it, just sucks that now he is in pain. During the massage, we spoke on and off, then went to continue watching Outlander, before heading to bed.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Overcoming Life Struggles And Becoming Stronger", in this episode, Trent Shelton reminds us that dealing with struggles in life is perfectly normal. Remember, life doesn't require that you be the best, only that you try your best.

This morning, we finally finished listening to "The Most Practical Advice For Overcoming Limiting Beliefs & Changing Your Life" an interview with Dave Hollis, on, On Purpose with Jay Shetty. It was a good interview, he developed a strong connection with his wife, after spending years without it and now understands the importance of having it and keeping it strong, even through uncomfortable conversations. We also watched some funny news/entertainment vids, vented a bit, and then got ready to run an errand. On the way there, the road was empty, there was a nice breeze coming through the windows and we were listening to music... it was nice and calming. During our shopping trip, there were a lot more people out and about... which of course means more potential triggers. There were two big triggers for me there, I did my best to get through them of them as fast as possible... but it was not easy, the thoughts that come at me at lightning speed and hit like a truck hurt and bad. On the ride home, Wade and I discussed the triggers and again, agreed to disagree on how I believe "types" work and how he does. He tries to explain that how he sees me now is antifragile, but I believe a lot of that comes from the connection we have and not so much from core attraction - he disagrees, although I believe it is because he has convinced himself so. Anyhow, this is a talk we have on and off, especially after triggers, he believes eventually I will start believing that he finds me attractive and that I am and have always been his type, even without connection but now 100 times more because of it. I don't know, I believe if given the choice and if you remove our connection (aka he doesn't know me), that if one of his primes is around and so am I, he would choose to approach her immediately, before putting me into consideration - why? because physically he was drawn to her first and way more because she is his PRIME type, period. Having that knowledge is what makes it so difficult to believe that now, he only wants me, above everyone else physically (esp) and it's not just because of the connection that has now bonded him to me and me to him. It's just unrealistic after so many years of wanting (physically) something else.

He made us some delicious pancakes before going for his nap. Once he wakes up, we will have some pizza and play a board game with the kids, as promised - the little one has been waiting "patiently".

Tomorrow, another week of homeschooling begins...

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Had a decent-sized trigger, nursed myself through it as best as I could.

#Video
It's Okay to Struggle

---------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 842: 05/18/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, we watched some DWTS old clips, I use to watch this show on my own and never really thought he cared for it much... but we watched some and damn some of them can not only dance but create a whole world on the dance floor, it's crazy. We also danced under the stars, which was cute before sitting down to continue watching Outlander... as he gave me a relieving foot and hand rub. Then it was time for him to go back to work... and I to bed.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Make It A Priority To Take Care Of Yourself", in this episode, Les Brown reminds us of the importance of making it a priority to take care of yourself every day. Remember, if you have a problem that can be solved with action, you don’t have a problem.

This morning, after ranting about my morning... we went for our walk. During the walk, we began listening to "How To Stop Caring What People Think Of You" an interview with Gary Vee, on, On Purpose with Jay Shetty. Gary is an investor, a serial entrepreneur, and a 5 time New York Times bestselling author. Although I usually like interviews with Gary, for his opinions and insight (same with Jay)... when both of them went into the topic of how kids should be raised and who's opinions should matter, both of us ended up not really agreeing with either of their thoughts/approaches. We will see how the rest of the interview plays out. We did both agree that most of us, especially as naive kids are programmed/conditioned by our parents, environment, people around us/influences at the time - we get conditioned to be a certain way. One of my cousins from another Country just began getting into Facebook and has been annoying the ever-loving shit out of me, I've told him countless time to buzz off, as nice as possible, but he just does not get it, ugh.

Then when we got home, Wade helped with the little one by making sure her worksheets were done for the day - which is really helpful to me. Now I have to monitor the older one and make sure the online programs are completed for today for the little one. It's going to be a long day, everyone woke up on the wrong side of the bed.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Got a bit triggered, got through it.

#Video
Take Better Care Of Yourself

---------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 843: 05/19/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, he gave me a trifecta and it was lovely, still surreal but I think I'm getting a bit used to it, not sure if that's a good thing though lol. In between all the good stuff, we had to deal with my eldest, her constant overreactions, and overly dramatic behavior towards Wade. Then, we watched 90 Day Fiance, before the 90 days - that show cracks us up! and then he went to work and I went to bed.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How to Conquer The Fear of Failure", in this episode, we hear about how to conquer the fear of failure. Remember, there is no failure, there's only feedback.

This morning, the weather was good, so we walked our trail and we continued listening to "How To Stop Caring What People Think Of You" an interview with Gary Vee, on, On Purpose with Jay Shetty. Gary is an investor, a serial entrepreneur, and a 5 time New York Times bestselling author. This part of the interview (for the most part) Wade and I enjoyed, as they went over believing in yourself and not worrying about what others say or think. How, you need to make sure that you are good, for yourself, regardless of whatever else is swirling around you. Once we got home, Wade made sure our little one completed her worksheets and then went to bed.

Now, I need to make sure his video is done, the little one gets her online assignments completed, and the eldest sticks to her schedule/school work - so that everyone continues to progress in "school". Man, never did I ever think I would be homeschooling and although I've been doing it now for over two months, I still dislike it greatly. Well... back to it I go.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
No triggers today.

#Video
This is How to Overcome Your Fear of Failure

---------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 844: 05/20/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, Wade gave me the trifecta, and again, it felt wonderful. It not only helps alleviate my physical pains, but it decompresses my mental stress too. We have been dealing with, what one can only describe as... pre-teenage angst with our 12-year-old. She is becoming more and more difficult, defiant, and obnoxious, so Wade and I have been discussing that. Wade told her because she broke a rule/boundary, she was not allowed to have her phone in her room at night, not even to listen to music while she falls asleep. I knew as soon as he walked out the door, she was going to come into my room begging for it, hoping I would give in - now that he was not home. I called it, within 10 minutes of him walking out, she comes into my room with tears and we had a realllllllllllllllllyyyyy long talk, that lasted over an hour. I hope something stuck, but I am not so sure, Wade plans on speaking with her again today, I am so exhausted.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Dealing With Anxiety", in this episode, Alan Watts and Les Brown deliver a fantastic message on dealing with anxiety. Remember, you don’t have to control your thoughts, you just have to stop letting them control you.

This morning, the weather was good, so we went for our walk, however instead of continuing our podcast, we spoke about the conversation I had with our daughter at 12 am. Wade wants to discuss all of this with her too, we hope she will be receptive and not tune him/us out, but I don't know. He made sure our little one's worksheets were done, so now I just have to help her with her online assignments, which is a big help. My brain is so fried... I'm getting burnt out with everything going on around me, I can feel the drain. I get overcome with internal feelings of rage/resentment when I get approached about anything these days... kid's schoolwork, outbursts, drama, and my parents with their countless requests, it's beginning to boil over.

Anyhow, writing it out helps, but I need something more, not sure what. Oh well, time to get back to homeschooling.


_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
No mental breakdowns, yet.

#Video
Morning GRATITUDE Affirmations

---------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------