Completely mindfucked

howyoudoin · May 19, 2020

I am 19y/o.
Watches porn and masturbate for 4-5 times a week. I have never watched any hardcore porn
I have been dating a girl for the past 6 months used to get hard while making out, once even got blue balls but since past month didn't get much hard while making out but was very happy and excited while doing so.
One day while making out the same old thing not getting much hard but when we thought of upping the level by touching each other private parts it started getting hard.
After that day the quarantine started and I started masturbating to porn daily but this thing was always in my mind that it is becoming too much, I have to stop it and take a break. Then one day I don't know what came in my mind I fapped thrice but to my surprise the second time it was softer than the first I was very scared, feeling like hell like what is happening to me, I googled about it "couldn't get hard to porn" and the pied stuff scared the hell out of, got very tensed like what have I done but still went for the third time(living in denial ) and this time I was not getting hard to porn. The next day I got my morning wood I felt relieved like okay everything is fine and thought of checking it by watching porn but pied was in my head and was constantly thinking of it like if it doesn't get hard then what and obviously it didn't get hard. I was shocked but then started researching and found out about nofap.
NOW
I am having morning woods not consistent but yes they are there
Get 60-70% erection to imagining about sex with my girl
after very long when i met my girl, after just hugging her i got a mild erection like 20-30%
Have started dreaming too
I relapsed to porn 2 days ago after a streak of 41 days(5 min)but this time was able to get my 100% erection which i don't know why but made me very happy like i am able to achieve my erection to something i once failed. I know i shouldn't get happy but i hope you can understand
I thought after this i will go into flatline but i don't think i have.
I don't know why but there is a thought in mind what if it doesn't get hard while making out and further.Like asking myself it will make me aroused na as this is all a game of getting aroused.
I have decided to completely eliminate porn from life as that slight curiosity of will it get hard to porn is now gone too
Can someone help me with this thought process thing as i know i am doing th right thing but my stupid brain is playing with me
Still in quarantine though.
I have been spending more time with my family these days due to quarantine and trying to minimise my tech use
I am meditating for a month now
Please tell at what stage of recovery i was before the relapse?
Will i have to wait longer to get to that stage this time?

OhWhenThe · May 19, 2020

Continue avoiding porn and everything will be alright.

Rav70 · May 19, 2020

The reason the porn you were watching wasn't doing it for you is because you became you got use to it. This is why you read about guy having to watch hardcore stuff and transgendered person porn to "shock" their system into action. It gets darker and darker.
Many start questioning their sexuality. Stress and anxiety and shame cripple them.
You are 19. Very young still. Don't take the journey they did. Live your life to the fullest and focus your energy on something important and meaningful.

Deleted Account · May 20, 2020

howyoudoin said: ↑

I am 19y/o.
Watches porn and masturbate for 4-5 times a week. I have never watched any hardcore porn
I have been dating a girl for the past 6 months used to get hard while making out, once even got blue balls but since past month didn't get much hard while making out but was very happy and excited while doing so.
One day while making out the same old thing not getting much hard but when we thought of upping the level by touching each other private parts it started getting hard.
After that day the quarantine started and I started masturbating to porn daily but this thing was always in my mind that it is becoming too much, I have to stop it and take a break. Then one day I don't know what came in my mind I fapped thrice but to my surprise the second time it was softer than the first I was very scared, feeling like hell like what is happening to me, I googled about it "couldn't get hard to porn" and the pied stuff scared the hell out of, got very tensed like what have I done but still went for the third time(living in denial ) and this time I was not getting hard to porn. The next day I got my morning wood I felt relieved like okay everything is fine and thought of checking it by watching porn but pied was in my head and was constantly thinking of it like if it doesn't get hard then what and obviously it didn't get hard. I was shocked but then started researching and found out about nofap.
NOW
I am having morning woods not consistent but yes they are there
Get 60-70% erection to imagining about sex with my girl
after very long when i met my girl, after just hugging her i got a mild erection like 20-30%
Have started dreaming too
I relapsed to porn 2 days ago after a streak of 41 days(5 min)but this time was able to get my 100% erection which i don't know why but made me very happy like i am able to achieve my erection to something i once failed. I know i shouldn't get happy but i hope you can understand
I thought after this i will go into flatline but i don't think i have.
I don't know why but there is a thought in mind what if it doesn't get hard while making out and further.Like asking myself it will make me aroused na as this is all a game of getting aroused.
I have decided to completely eliminate porn from life as that slight curiosity of will it get hard to porn is now gone too
Can someone help me with this thought process thing as i know i am doing th right thing but my stupid brain is playing with me
Still in quarantine though.
I have been spending more time with my family these days due to quarantine and trying to minimise my tech use
I am meditating for a month now
Please tell at what stage of recovery i was before the relapse?
Will i have to wait longer to get to that stage this time?
Click to expand...

Don't stress dude, it's completely normal, your body is not an limitless machine , body and mind need time to replenish and recoup to be back on point ,it's the same as exercise , you wouldn't train 24 hours a day everyday no sleep no food and not expect some system shut down.

Like said before this is why people start watching more and more extreme stuff , stuff they would never have dreamed they would, if you watch too much porn constantly over years , you are going to condition your brain into becoming bored with what you started with , your brain knows that dopamine rush and it loves it and it will want to keep getting that same hit everytime,

Don't over feed it, it will get greedy and just consume before you know it regular porn doesn't get you hard and your jacking it to two transgendered person's thinking youre gay

You read posts where people will be all consumed by porn and these genres and have little desire in real life , they have less random hard ons, don't fantasize as much, and don't have as many dreams about women or even remember any of them . When they stop porn , everything returns to normal as it should be.

Too much porn is definitely bad for you if not straight away , eventually.

What you experienced is natural it's your body needing to recoup and your brain less stimulated third time around , it's normal.
But you see how it works , you got a taster of how too much can causes negative effects , keep that frequency rate up consistently and you will find actual sex less stimulating , because your already spent .

I used to hit the bar about 3-4 times a week, during the week it was food , pool and one or two beers, on the weekend we went to get drunk and have a good time and meet up with girls .
Instinctively then even before NoFap was a thing , I knew if I had been fapping all week or even mid to end week I would just not have the same drive at all . Watch that shit everyday multiple times a day and for sure your going to give yourself some problems . But nothing quitting can resolve

howyoudoin · May 20, 2020

Rav70 said: ↑

The reason the porn you were watching wasn't doing it for you is because you became you got use to it. This is why you read about guy having to watch hardcore stuff and transgendered person porn to "shock" their system into action. It gets darker and darker.
Many start questioning their sexuality. Stress and anxiety and shame cripple them.
You are 19. Very young still. Don't take the journey they did. Live your life to the fullest and focus your energy on something important and meaningful.
Click to expand...

So i guess, me not escalating to hardcore porn works in favour of me?
How should i deal with this fear that stuck in mind... what if it doesn’t get hard while sharing an intimate moment with my girl!?

howyoudoin · May 20, 2020

Onwards90 said: ↑

Don't stress dude, it's completely normal, your body is not an limitless machine , body and mind need time to replenish and recoup to be back on point ,it's the same as exercise , you wouldn't train 24 hours a day everyday no sleep no food and not expect some system shut down.

Like said before this is why people start watching more and more extreme stuff , stuff they would never have dreamed they would, if you watch too much porn constantly over years , you are going to condition your brain into becoming bored with what you started with , your brain knows that dopamine rush and it loves it and it will want to keep getting that same hit everytime,

Don't over feed it, it will get greedy and just consume before you know it regular porn doesn't get you hard and your jacking it to two transgendered person's thinking youre gay

You read posts where people will be all consumed by porn and these genres and have little desire in real life , they have less random hard ons, don't fantasize as much, and don't have as many dreams about women or even remember any of them . When they stop porn , everything returns to normal as it should be.

Too much porn is definitely bad for you if not straight away , eventually.

What you experienced is natural it's your body needing to recoup and your brain less stimulated third time around , it's normal.
But you see how it works , you got a taster of how too much can causes negative effects , keep that frequency rate up consistently and you will find actual sex less stimulating , because your already spent .

I used to hit the bar about 3-4 times a week, during the week it was food , pool and one or two beers, on the weekend we went to get drunk and have a good time and meet up with girls .
Instinctively then even before NoFap was a thing , I knew if I had been fapping all week or even mid to end week I would just not have the same drive at all . Watch that shit everyday multiple times a day and for sure your going to give yourself some problems . But nothing quitting can resolve
Click to expand...

So i guess, me not escalating to hardcore porn works in favour of me?
How should i deal with this fear that stuck in mind... what if it doesn’t get hard while sharing an intimate moment with my girl!?
How to pass this phase

Deleted Account · May 20, 2020

howyoudoin said: ↑

So i guess, me not escalating to hardcore porn works in favour of me?
How should i deal with this fear that stuck in mind... what if it doesn’t get hard while sharing an intimate moment with my girl!?
How to pass this phase
Click to expand...

Definitely works in your favour .
Dude don't sweat it you didn't break yourself , just take a break from porn and forget about it,
There are people who have escalated to all sorts of shit and can have issues , but when they stop they recover , if this is the first time youve ever noticed a problem with porn consumption , I doubt you have anything to actually worry about , just take it as a sign that over consumption is not in your best interest and obviously because your in a relationship , regulate the amount you use it

You probably just need a day or two and youl be golden

People who say they have pied are usually still watching porn constantly , or they aren't actually in a relationship to find out .

If this happens it's pretty simple , take a break or stop porn all together

howyoudoin · May 20, 2020

Onwards90 said: ↑

Definitely works in your favour .
Dude don't sweat it you didn't break yourself , just take a break from porn and forget about it,
There are people who have escalated to all sorts of shit and can have issues , but when they stop they recover , if this is the first time youve ever noticed a problem with porn consumption , I doubt you have anything to actually worry about , just take it as a sign that over consumption is not in your best interest and obviously because your in a relationship , regulate the amount you use it

You probably just need a day or two and youl be golden

People who say they have pied are usually still watching porn constantly , or they aren't actually in a relationship to find out .

If this happens it's pretty simple , take a break or stop porn all together
Click to expand...

The break i took was beneficial as i took a break for like 40 days and when i watched porn again (vanilla only) was able to get the same hardness as i use to
I have decided to go for 90 free days and after that also.
Hopefully i will not have any issues in sharing any intimate moment with my girl
But thank you for your words. Much needed at the moment

Rav70 · May 20, 2020

Read "Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice" by Robert W. Firestone.
I really do think a lot of you guys are dealing with this. My husband and I are reading it

howyoudoin · Jun 17, 2020

I am 19y/o.
Watches porn and masturbate for 4-5 times a week. I have never watched any hardcore porn
I have been dating a girl for the past 6 months used to get hard while making out, once even got blue balls but since past month didn't get much hard while making out but was very happy and excited while doing so.
One day while making out the same old thing not getting much hard but when we thought of upping the level by touching each other private parts it started getting hard.
After that day the quarantine started and I started masturbating to porn daily but this thing was always in my mind that it is becoming too much, I have to stop it and take a break. Then one day I don't know what came in my mind I fapped thrice but to my surprise the second time it was softer than the first I was very scared, feeling like hell like what is happening to me, I googled about it "couldn't get hard to porn" and the pied stuff scared the hell out of, got very tensed like what have I done but still went for the third time(living in denial ) and this time I was not getting hard to porn. The next day I got my morning wood I felt relieved like okay everything is fine and thought of checking it by watching porn but pied was in my head and was constantly thinking of it like if it doesn't get hard then what and obviously it didn't get hard. I was shocked but then started researching and found out about nofap.
NOW
People out here said it happened because i got use to it. It all happened in quarantine fapping daily to porn(only softcore).
Then i took the nofap road. Went for 40 days 1st streak after that i relapsed to porn but this time i was able to get hard as i use to. After this 40 days streak i am not able to get the streak longer than 7 days. Sometime relapse to porn while sometimes to imagining sex with my girlfriend. In both the cases getting hard as i use to.
I started nofap on 6th april, till now had watched porn 5-6 times, saw morning wood come and go. But now i am not seeing morning wood past 3-4 days. My sleeping schedule is completely fucked up. I cannot sleep for more than 2hr straight during nighttime(interrupted sleep) . This loss of morning wood thing is stressing me out a lot.
Fapped two days ago through imaging sex with girlfriend.
Thought of not getting hard while sharing an intimate moment with my girlfriend scares me a lot.
Sometimes there is a thought that i might have physical ed.
Please help, need guidance.
What’s happening to me
Am I completely fucked!!????

howyoudoin · Jun 17, 2020

I am 19y/o.
Watches porn and masturbate for 4-5 times a week. I have never watched any hardcore porn
I have been dating a girl for the past 6 months used to get hard while making out, once even got blue balls but since past month didn't get much hard while making out but was very happy and excited while doing so.
One day while making out the same old thing not getting much hard but when we thought of upping the level by touching each other private parts it started getting hard.
After that day the quarantine started and I started masturbating to porn daily but this thing was always in my mind that it is becoming too much, I have to stop it and take a break. Then one day I don't know what came in my mind I fapped thrice but to my surprise the second time it was softer than the first I was very scared, feeling like hell like what is happening to me, I googled about it "couldn't get hard to porn" and the pied stuff scared the hell out of, got very tensed like what have I done but still went for the third time(living in denial ) and this time I was not getting hard to porn. The next day I got my morning wood I felt relieved like okay everything is fine and thought of checking it by watching porn but pied was in my head and was constantly thinking of it like if it doesn't get hard then what and obviously it didn't get hard. I was shocked but then started researching and found out about nofap.
NOW
People out here said it happened because i got use to it. It all happened in quarantine fapping daily to porn(only softcore).
Then i took the nofap road. Went for 40 days 1st streak after that i relapsed to porn but this time i was able to get hard as i use to. After this 40 days streak i am not able to get the streak longer than 7 days. Sometime relapse to porn while sometimes to imagining sex with my girlfriend. In both the cases getting hard as i use to.
I started nofap on 6th april, till now had watched porn 5-6 times, saw morning wood come and go. But now i am not seeing morning wood past 3-4 days. My sleeping schedule is completely fucked up. I cannot sleep for more than 2hr straight during nighttime(interrupted sleep) . This loss of morning wood thing is stressing me out a lot.
Fapped two days ago through imaging sex with girlfriend.
Thought of not getting hard while sharing an intimate moment with my girlfriend scares me a lot.
Sometimes there is a thought that i might have physical ed.
Please help, need guidance.
What’s happening to me
Am I completely fucked!!????

Dr.LoveLength · Jun 17, 2020

Some men are more vulnerable and more likely to develop ED through watching porn. If your only 19 and already having issues I'd be seriously considering sticking to a strict nofap lifestyle for atleast 6 months and see if theres any improvement. Spending your prime years battling ED is not going to be fun...

Choices are simple.

1) keep damaging yourself and watching porn, which will probably destory your sex life. If you cant perform in the bedroom this will likely lead to depression and an unsatisfied girlfriend.

2) Take up the good fight and remove porn from your life complety. Give your brain the time it needs to heal. Years of abuse wont be healed within a month.

MixerAwersome · Jun 17, 2020

No way man, you are not completely fucked. You are just habitual to PMO. Whenever you get free time your mind is asking you to watch porn for more dopamine. It's easy to get bored during this quarantine cause we don't have anything to if you are free all day, so your brain starts to visualize things that can happen or happened in past( sex with your GF). Consciously or unconsciously you like this stuff your brain is indulging into. My suggestion to you is, whenever you are free and your brain wants some dopamine through fantasizing or porn read articles about the success stories on NoFap forum, Do a google search for erectile dysfunction due to porn, search for Dopamin detox, semen retention. Get as much knowledge as you can. Knowledge is Powerful, you should not forget about the bad consequence of frequent masturbation. This will help you overcome your triggers.

about your morning wood problem. I have gone through that. I was on a streak of NoFap HardMode.Everything was going well. I didn't have urges but the problem was I was not getting my morning wood as I used to before the streak. I didn't get morning wood for the last 10 days of NoFap.I thought there is something wrong in the process of NoFap, but after research, I found out that its a phase during NoFap. It is called "Flatline".I thought I should check if everything is okay down there, so I watched porn and masturbated. But that was a mistake cause everything was fine and will be fine if I stick to NoFap guideline.
5 main rules of NoFap and a list of common excuses for PMOing

Touch your dick only if you have to wash it/pee

Avoid your usual wanking spots

Cold showers kill urges

No mindless internet browsing and "fishing" for nsfw pictures

Don't count the days, make the days count

Common excuses - if you think any of these thoughts, your pmo depraved mind is playing tricks on you :

one picture/video won't hurt

I'm on an X day streak, I can look at nsfw content now and not relapse

I can edge/peek/fantasize and not relapse

a girl I saw on the street was way too hot, I have to fap now

I've been PMO free for X days now, relapsing 1 time won't kill my progress (always be aware of the chaser effect which is getting stronger with your streak getting higher)

I've done the 90 days and rebooted, now I can PMO without getting addicted to it again

I can't do this, there is no hope for me

NoFap won't solve any of my problems so I might as well PMO

everyone PMOs, it's what men do

I've been on NoFap for X days and my dick still doesn't work, so might as well look at some P to check if I can get aroused

I have not experienced the "superpowers" therefore NoFap doesn't work for me

All of my friends PMO every day and that didn't have any impact on their lives, something is wrong with me

I'm a virgin and not good with the ladies, might as well PMO since I will never have a gf/bf

I read all posts on this sub and tried nofap for years but I still can't stop PMOing

Avoid these like the plague, every time you get an urge, read these, and kill the urge with a cold shower or whichever method you see fit.

Read these journal as well:
https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/pied-cured-after-8-months.262149/

Discerning_Dubearte · Jun 17, 2020

No don’t give in and become discouraged. Stand back up 7 times when you fall 6 times

Deleted Account · Jun 17, 2020

Don't worry about morning wood, it's overrated lol.

Try to relax about the whole thing, while at the same time do your best to avoid porn in particular, and also masturbation. So do your best, but if you slip up, get straight back on track.

PMO and sex are very different things. Don't bother "testing your erection" by MO or PMO etc. as it isn't an accurate test and could harm you anyway so what's the point.

So just stay clean and take it easy. It'll be alright.

Sobretension · Jun 17, 2020

howyoudoin said: ↑

I am 19y/o.
Watches porn and masturbate for 4-5 times a week. I have never watched any hardcore porn
I have been dating a girl for the past 6 months used to get hard while making out, once even got blue balls but since past month didn't get much hard while making out but was very happy and excited while doing so.
One day while making out the same old thing not getting much hard but when we thought of upping the level by touching each other private parts it started getting hard.
After that day the quarantine started and I started masturbating to porn daily but this thing was always in my mind that it is becoming too much, I have to stop it and take a break. Then one day I don't know what came in my mind I fapped thrice but to my surprise the second time it was softer than the first I was very scared, feeling like hell like what is happening to me, I googled about it "couldn't get hard to porn" and the pied stuff scared the hell out of, got very tensed like what have I done but still went for the third time(living in denial ) and this time I was not getting hard to porn. The next day I got my morning wood I felt relieved like okay everything is fine and thought of checking it by watching porn but pied was in my head and was constantly thinking of it like if it doesn't get hard then what and obviously it didn't get hard. I was shocked but then started researching and found out about nofap.
NOW
People out here said it happened because i got use to it. It all happened in quarantine fapping daily to porn(only softcore).
Then i took the nofap road. Went for 40 days 1st streak after that i relapsed to porn but this time i was able to get hard as i use to. After this 40 days streak i am not able to get the streak longer than 7 days. Sometime relapse to porn while sometimes to imagining sex with my girlfriend. In both the cases getting hard as i use to.
I started nofap on 6th april, till now had watched porn 5-6 times, saw morning wood come and go. But now i am not seeing morning wood past 3-4 days. My sleeping schedule is completely fucked up. I cannot sleep for more than 2hr straight during nighttime(interrupted sleep) . This loss of morning wood thing is stressing me out a lot.
Fapped two days ago through imaging sex with girlfriend.
Thought of not getting hard while sharing an intimate moment with my girlfriend scares me a lot.
Sometimes there is a thought that i might have physical ed.
Please help, need guidance.
What’s happening to me
Am I completely fucked!!????
Click to expand...

Hi man.

You are not fucked up. I know people that did pmo for decades, since they were little, and after a while (30 days for some, 180 for others) got rid from this hell that is pmo or pied.
I recommend you that you cut out porn totally. Masturbation is ok a few times a week (start with 5, then 4,and so on). If you have a partner, is ok in my book that you are intimate with him/her.
Also know what is wrong. Is it porn? Is it excess masturbation or doing it in a bad way (prone for example)?

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Completely mindfucked

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