My Secret History Untolded

Hello Everyone I´m new here! I don´t Know anyone in this group but I want to share this to all of you.

I´m addicted to pornography since I was 12 and now I am 19 years old.

All started when my in my 6st degree in collegue, my classmates started talkin about this topic (how amazing that was and it´s totally normal and good), and past few months I had curiosity and started see models and then few time later, that evaluate to something more... porn websites!

And for years and years this habit started to affect me in many ways... (in my relationships with my family, with my friends, with my classmates and specially in my personal life!).

In the begining, I though that this habit was perfectly normal and healthy in order to discover my sexuality in period when I was a little teenager, but I started to adopt a few attitudes like lying and being false to my loved ones because of fear of non-aproval and search aprovation from everyone in spite of living a normal life with a family and friends from my side.

I am not saying that I was always like that. Of course I had my happy moments with my family, with my friends, I had fun so many times in my childhood and in my teenage times thanks to my family, my friends and God.

But inside of me, I started to fell a guilty and shame just like living in a prison or living others lifes instead of living mine own at the age of 13 because in that age, I had some troubles with my friends of my class in period of classes and that tramatized me a lot and part of me was guided by this and in that period I started to acess pornografy a lot to scape reality and feel relaxed at the same time.

I didn´t understand very well, that this inside of me was happening until my age of 17 years. In that age, I had other maturity, sure a certain person indirectly made me open my eyes and made me see what was really happening to me. And I started to free myself and correct my wrong attitudes to better and started to feel really better about me.

I started do focus on myself and being more myself and I started to decide to quit porn at the age 17/18 because I saw the effects that this bring to people and that addiction it´s compared to addiction to drugs because of dependecy and the effects in the brain too.

Even though I had a application in my phone that helped me to reduce my amount of masturbation habit, called "Stop M", I feel ain´t was enough and I still continue to masturbate, not because I´m not commited to stop this habit once it for all, but beacuse I relapse because I found excuses when I had the urge.

Today I´m a student in a faculty and in spite to be a better person in comparison a few years ago, I continue with this horrible habit (I masturbate one in 10-15 days normally).

I want deep down to focus more on myself and be sucessfull in my work field and specially quitting porn for myself and for my family and I will make sure that is gonna really happen not now, but eventually.

I never told this story to anyone, not even any member of my family but I told all of you in order, not only free myself and cut the chains that pushed me for long, but also help others and free all of you that is going through the same as myself.

May this story be the fist step to finish this habit and also to freedom and sucess.

God may bless everybody going through the same.

I´m a guy from Portugal and here is my story.

Cumpliments and good luck for everybody.

 

Thanks so much for the apreciation and to welcome me!!

God may bless all of us going through this

My cumpliments!

 

Hello @Mowgli 32! Thanks for your support and good luck to you too! Can I Join to your challenge starting from my current streak, day 7?