35 and Older Accountability Group

@boyrose yes, any kind of physical exercise is great for dealing with urges. I do an intense push-up program where I do a set routine 2-3 times a week, and it is a bit draining. But without fail, those are the easiest days for dealing with urges. It channels all that energy out of my body in the right way. Listening to music is really helpful too. Put your headphones in, cue up your Spotify and rock out. It's an endorphin rush in the right way that can really turn you around.

As for IG, yes, seriously evil stuff. Avoid at all costs!

 

This has been my experience as well. It got easier after week 2. Week 4 was hideous, but it's been easier again since then. Part of the trick is to stay vigilant - just shut those demons down as soon as you see them. As time goes on, it gets easier to spot them earlier.

Apart from that, the things that are working for me so far are getting enough rest, exercise and diversion.

For me exercise is more of a general "change in lifestyle" thing. I spend an hour after work a couple of times a week to go and work out. No obvious visual improvement yet, but I'm getting stronger and faster - it's great for self esteem.

By "diversion", I mean doing something "else" in that moment. Amazingly, anything seems to work. For example

• Getting up and walking around a bit,
• Doing a 2 minute chore,
• Getting a drink,
• Reading this forum.

I always have this group open in a browser so that I can just switch to it if I need to. It's like a security blanket and it has saved me at least 10 times already. I find it easier to stay strong when I see that I'm not the only one with this struggle. Writing helps too - I think it's a bit like catharsis. The process of writing down what I'm feeling helps me to understand those feelings better and, ultimately, to have more control over them.

 

Relapsed...shit happens!
My goal remain the same, trying to make bigger streaks than i used to.The anxiety of reaching 15 or 30 days didn't lead me anywhere good.
I want to make a big streak like that, i really want to but i noticed that keeping that in mind all the time is not helping me.?
Sometimes i used to find this as an excuse to relpase and start that big streak the next day..Fuck it!

 

I used to do this one before stoping for a few months from an irrelevant to this injury.I started again a couple of months back but i am not there yet.This is a KILLER routine.
Have you got any other suggestions?

 

Facebook could be triggering but in general i think it's fine,at least for me.Not many people can handle IG though..I am sure you know that by now .
Just having an active account could be triggering by itself.On the other hand if you are single it may help you meet some women in real which definately could be way out of this but i wouldn't suggest that because a rejection is always going to be an option and we all know what could happen after a rejection if triggers like that are available.

 

Yes. Just having an active facebook account is triggering. But Instagram is like a dating site as well?

 

It depents on how you are using it.It could be a dating site , a soft porn site, a place to promote your business or take ideas from other people and more.But i believe for most of us it's a trigger.

 

Going into work a little this week and that's helping me focus my mind on other things. But hot weather at the moment brings youknowwhat... @boyrose ...you have to be careful!

 

Thanks man! I'll take a closer look at that. But after a quick scan I see that I need some equipment that I don't have.

This is what I've been using since about 2010 or so. https://hundredpushups.com/index.html It's free, and all you need is enough floor space. My body needs longer rest periods than what they say to use, both in-between days and also between individual sets. I just used trial and error to find what's best for me. But just experiment to see what works for you. (Warning: potentially triggering image on home page)

Agree completely. I don't have any issues with Facebook. But IG is the kiss of death.

 

Lookin’ good you who they call artifact. Back in the double digits.
A couple days ago I posted that my goal this time is just to hit day 14. Having had time to think it over, I realize now that aiming for a specific number of days may be missing the point entirely. Counting the days during nofap is like constantly watching the clock at work. It just causes the day/days to drag and be no fun.

Why did I relapse this last time around...what was I doing leading up to the relapse? I was looking at this girl on facebook. But after that, I signed into netflix and found myself looking for any movie scene that was naughty. So this time no netflix.

 

I seem to have managed to get out of my slump again, thank god, though I'm careful not to say that too loudly until I'm at least in the 20+ days again. However, I already find that there's one thing I have gained from my repeated relapses last week: I can detect much sooner when an urge is going to come.

I always knew intellectually about the HALT principle, but I never managed to catch it when I was in that 'getting hungry/angry/lonely/tired' phase. I only realised that I was heading towards PM when I was actually typing in some search phrases or a url into my browser as a way out of feeling shitty, or when I was clicking on a triggering image online. And by then often I had a lot of trouble stopping myself.

This week I have found that I can really see it coming when I'm getting too frustrated, or I need to eat or drink or take a rest after working too much. I can see my brain slowly getting foggy and starting to look for distractions. And then I know it's time to walk away from the computer to meditate, drink or eat something, look out the window for a bit. It's such an eye-opener that I can actually just listen to signals like that and that the solution is so simple most of the times.

Additionally, I've put a beautiful big plant right next to my computer which somehow really helps to remind me to snap out of the virtual world of the internet occasionally and focus on the beauty of nature, of real life, and my role and potentiality in it.

I've learned my lesson far too often to say I have now finally found the trick to reach the 90 days, but I do feel that I have made some important steps towards being more mindful and in control. The inevitable 1 step back is going to come sometime in the future, no doubt, but I'm very happy with these 2 steps forward nonetheless.

 

Don't aim for an x amount of days, indeed. Why would you do that? So that you have an excuse to run back to PMO on day 15? You should aim for becoming a person who is not interested in any of that anymore, ever.

 

Hey there, I get that entirely, I have only once told that I had a problem with PM to a therapist once and it was one of the hardest thing I have ever done. And since I've stopped seeing that therapist for a long time (for unrelated reasons) and I only really started trying NoFap after that, the only people I have shared this process with are all of you, on this forum here. I know that it might be better to talk about it with a person, but I really don't think I'll be able to any time soon.

 

Well said. And good point you made: the inevitable relapse is coming for us all. But are urges really the enemy? No. An urge to relapse should be your best friend. When it comes, study that urge like you're a scientist. Every urge that comes is another opportunity to practice how to make them go away.

 

Yeah man push-ups are great. Even if you don't care about any specific upper body goals, it's great for just letting off steam and getting that healthy endorphin fix. If you're not doing a set upper body program, then anytime you need to, just drop to the ground and do as many pushups as you're able to, or give yourself a goal, 5,10,20, whatever, as long as it gets your heart pumping faster and breathing harder in the end. You'll notice the change in the way you feel and live to fight another day in this never ending war.

As for Facebook.. just scrolling for an hour in itself is bad news, even without the bam moment. Hard not to be in a zombie state (unless there's something engaging of course) which will make you more vulnerable in and of itself.

I feel like the best answer to that is a middle ground. Yes, to get obsessed over the days is torture. Like a kid counting down the hours till Christmas. 24 hours can feel like a long time. But, I also think it is important to pay attention to the days. It helps you keep your progress in perspective. Right now I am in my 3rd highest lifetime streak, and I only know that because I've been paying attention to the days. I'm in competition with myself to pass #2 and then #1. It gives you something tangible to shoot for.

 

This is 100% fire and I love it, this is exactly what we need to do.. Master the art of taking yourself out of the situation!

I've learned a hell of a lot from my last streak, the above really does work and it take does take a lot of will power but at the end of the day it's all in our hands, it's up to us what path we take when the urges come.

Also learning to manage and suppress your dopamine levels will help massively during long streak especially after 30+ days in.

Loving the information flow in thread, keep going guys. Cheers

 

good point

 

I've caught myself coming up with excuses the last couple of days. Not sure if that's because I don't have a set goal, apart from "never again", or if there are other factors at play. Tiredness and stress certainly don't help.

In general, this seems to be more pronounced on a Thursday. Whether it's to do with my streak "anniversary" or because it's almost the end of the week, or something else, I have no idea.

Having said that, keeping half an eye on my day counter is helpful. I'm up over 7 weeks now. Do I really want to throw that progress away?

And this is where I need to develop my skills. I don't think that I've ever made a conscious effort to manage dopamine levels.