Goal ? From 90 Days to ∞ [Feel Free to Join]

This is just a post where I'll be posting my progress.

Background

I started exploring sexuality at the age of 12. My first contact with a naked girl body was with a Avon magazine. It was the most fantastic experience ever. Then, I moved to adult programs on TV; I stayed awake late at night to watch those you know what.
With the years, I knew porn and it blew my mind. Through years proved Hentai, Doujinshi, Manhwa, etc. Never stopped. As soon as I woke up I masturbated.
It was not after my privacy was invaded that I decided to quit porn, and it worked. But after some months I relapsed, and the problem became worse that it was because now, that I was concious about this, deprived my mind of quitting this without knowing the damaged I'd done to me. It's been 9 years of me fighting this.

Goals:

I just want four things:

1- To Be righteous before God. Do not want Him to be disappointed with me. And one day, meet Him at heaven.

2- To Meet a Girl as a clean person; this will involve to tell her about this. But I do not want to be with someone and bring problems to the realitionship.

3- I want my brain bad. I'm not a bad student, I do great at University, but I know could I achieve more if my faculties were fulled.

4- To appreciate life as it is. I mean, to see how looks life outside porn. I'm sure porn do not let me appreciate what we could call "a normal life".

So, let's start:

Day 0:

After watching some anime pics on my 8th day and again on day 11 (I did not masturbate), plus the fact someone made me understand that Hentai, Doujinshi and Manhwa are a sub-category of porn, I've decided to keep clean of those as well.

I did not come to this world to waste my time masturbating. I'll overcome this addition. I do not believe in destiny, because I am the one who decide it. It will be hard but...

 

Day 1

Day was great. Had some urges but not something I can't deal with. PMO my owner?

Who decided that?

 

Thanks man! This really helps me to keep going stronger!

 

Feel free to join guys.

 

Day 2

Day 2 was not a problem. I just kept thinking about what porn have done to us. How we, as kids, got to this dark world. How long have we been here for?

I've been here too long for my own good. Three years (9) of this madness, surrounded by idiots (PMO). We were kids! What did we know about anything? Why did there have to be people like (PMO) this? Why? Why did I let myself devolve into such a half-assed piece of shit?! It's too late now... Damned if I know what's right anymore. Who cares, it is what it is. But the only choice left for me now... is to face the consequences of my actions... And as a Warrior... fulfill my duty to the bitter end!

 

Thanks bro! I will definitely climb that ladder!

 

Day 3 Check-in [25/6/2020]

I couldn't post my progress yesterday.
Yesterday I felt really sad with no reason. I'm sure it was because of PMO. But as hours went I felt better. It's been like 16 days without masturbation and 4 (Today) without OP. There was not issues yesterday.
Porn harm both body and mind... “Look around you, and all you will see are people (PMO) the world would be better off without.”

 

Day 4 check-in:

It was a busy day. English and math in the morning, then programming and philosophy. In the afternoon went to a Supermarket and a girl got my attention. Her body was fantastic! But when I found myself thinking about sexual things, I stopped watching at her. Later at home I was really anxious because of this girl, but thanks God I stopped thinking about her and my anxiety went.
This path is a hard one, but... If I don't do it, then who will?

 

Day 5 check-in:

Morning was a big challenge. I was so horny; I standed before a mirror and tried to touch my ****, but did not do it. Later on, I had to deal with urges and sexual thinking. Thanks God I did not give up. Something good happened to me, I had a wet dream! I've heard is something good when you're doing PMO (I have more than 16 days without masturbation). This path is hard, sometimes I feel like shit and "sometimes I do feel like I’m a failure. Like there’s no hope for me. But even so, I’m not gonna give up. Ever!”

 

Day 6 check-in:

Again, morning urges. These morning urges are driving me crazy. It's a hell to control them. But if I do control them, the rest of the day is total peace. PMO is a bad habit that have taken place in ours hearts. As darkness exist because there's a lack of light, PMO exist as a lack of good habits. PMO is evil! and must cease exist!

"“Evil” must be exterminated completely!!!"

 

Day 7 check-in:

Again, morning urges. I found out that If I get up quickly from bed they vanished.
About my day, aside my morning urges, It was excellent. I spent the morning cooking and part of the afternoon cleaning the house. Then, I spent the rest of the afternoon reading a book to make a report. It's almost night and I have not experienced sexual urges again.
Thanks God for having allowed me to beat this day.

If... If I call him (PMO), will you... spare my life? (...)

...

But I refuse. One of the things I, Rohan Kishibe, like the most is to find someone who thinks they're some hot shit, and say "No" right to their faces.

 

Day 8 check-in:

Day was good. I was really busy today. No urges, no anxiety, no stress...
I've noticed my urges only appear in the morning, so I just have to be careful in the morning and the day will go fine.
Remember those days when we, guys, had this (a normal sexual life) as a treasure...

"It takes a mere second for treasure to turn to trash."

Thanks God for another day clean!

 

Keep going man! Resist it! I had a hard one this morning, but thanks God I did not give up!
You can do it!

 

Day 9 check-in:

Day was great and busy. Not time to think about PMO. I like that, busy and great, two good concepts to a better life... We can do it! Because... “There’s nothing you can’t do if you try!”

 

Day 10 check-in:

Well, right after I posted my 9th check-in and just about to go to bed, I decided to visit a page non-compromising that at the end led my body to be horny as hell. I took off my clothes and I was telling to me, while naked, "just do it, just do it"... Well, I did not do it and went to bed. But on the bed, I started thinking about a girl and got horny again. Thanks God I managed to control myself and went to sleep.

It's the morning of the 10th day. I woke up and took my smartphone, and quickly went to the non-compromising page that the night before turned me on. And there I was, horny again. And after sexual thinking, urges and a horny body, I managed again to control myself.
Later on, I told myself: "Hey, let's read some manga". Went to my usual app and there I thought: "hey, let's check out this one". Well, that manga was about sexual stuffs but without sex; nothing like hentai or Doujinshi.
To sum up this, I did not masturbate. But after having led me to urges and expose myself to that material (4 on a scale of 10), I'm wondering if I relapsed since my **** reacted to it. The contain I saw was the one you normally find in an ecchi anime or manga; I haven't expose to hentai or Doujinshi (sub-category of porn).

I do not feel proud of it. Even when the last night I had a wet dream of which I'm not proud (even though I haven't masturbated in almost a month), because I remember that in my dream I saw the girls you see in porn.

The thing is, this is a terrible day. Was a relapse? I don't know. But I'll keep on going! because this is part of the journey. (It's not an excuse to keep behaving like this). There are good days and bad days...

 

Day 0 check-in:

Not excuses! Since I did it conciously it's a relapse! I won't mask this! Porn is porn, and so ecchi!
Thanks God I did not masturbate or touch myself.

“If you wanna stop this, then stand up” Because I’ve got one thing to say to you. Never forget who you want to become!”

 

Thanks man! I really appreciate this.